The Lonely Sunflower

2010-03-27T23:27:00.003-04:00

We Did It, Lord!

It's been donkey years since I've last updated this blog. This flower needs some watering cos' its withering on the vine!! Fortunately, the current blog entry is upbeat and sanguine. That should do the magical trick of reviving it ;)

*****

Many of the entries in this blog describe my long and arduous journey of trying to get into the PhD program. I'm glad to say that I've finally made it, and I've received so much more than I expected. By God's grace, I've got my first paper published in a relatively good journal and have been admitted to one of the best marketing programs in the world. After three years of applications, self-doubt and feelings of dejection, I've finally made it (We did it, Lord!). I'll be starting my semester at Columbia University in New York this Fall.

*****

Although I didn't set out to do a PhD in marketing when I first set foot in the United States, things unravelled and somehow I was challenged to become an experimenter (something I never thought I could carve a livelihood out of since I've always considered myself to be a pretty well-manufactured product of the Singapore education system--conventional and uncreative). Regardless, I'm anything but divorcing myself from the field of psychology (as many would be mistaken); I'm just migrating from one branch, clinical psychology, to another, consumer psychology. An excerpt from my personal statement should serve to enlighten:

Sigmund Freud had once remarked that, “It is the mundane themes of everyday life that give us the inner workings of the mind”. Immense skepticism toward his speculative theories and fancy guesswork aside, I hold no reservations in concurring with this simple yet insightful statement. Indeed, it is the run-of-the-mill processes like forming judgments of our co-worker or neighbor, or making decisions even as trifling as deciding which dishwashing detergent to purchase, that seem to expose the intricacies of our minds to psychologists who strive to understand and predict human behavior. As Freud departed from explicating the irrational presentations of neuroses to fashioning hypotheses about the average human mind, I have resolved to retire from clinical psychology and to instead home in on the basic mechanisms underlying typical thoughts and responses. How people harness inputs of emotion and motivation to function within the boundaries of rationality is what I reckon more intriguing and thought provoking.

Moving from the world of correlational and predictable clin psych research to the volatile territory of ANOVAs and cutting-edge consumer/social psych research is definitely not going to be easy breezy for me. Nonetheless, it's going to be exciting and it's going to be fun! :)

*****

Things I'm looking forward to:

Finally having my own office cubicle in the business school (I don't have to work in the library or rely on their 20-page free printing quota to do my printing!);
Not having to explain that I'm from Teachers College which is an affiliate of Columbia University and not Columbia University (I won't feel like an impostor Columbia student anymore!);
Receiving a stipend after not having had a monthly salary since May 2008;
Having key access to the restrooms on the 5th floor (marketing program) and not having to run all the way down to the first floor when I need to go;
I don't need to feel like a chao RA anymore!

Yay!

2009-10-07T08:45:00.002-04:00

In response to Joanna Lee's discussion on why the former Miss Singapore is still making headlines...(ST Oct 6)

I believe the interest is also sparked by the fact that Ms Low appears to exemplify the stereotype of what most laypersons hold toward beauty queens: attractive but empty-headed bimbos. She appears to be the epitome of this stereotype and her example verifies or confirms our popular conception. People have an inherent psychological need to feel accurate about these things and hence she became the topic of focus. It's still amazing to me how she managed to clinch the crown and ascend the throne considering the way she presented herself in interviews. Because I didn't watch the pageant, it made me curious about the caliber of other contestants. Anyway, as the scoop on her enlarged and made its way to the masses, her image declined. In some way perhaps, the public began to feel vindicated. Her rise to fame promptly degenerated into a spiral downhill, which in itself composed a very dramatic and riveting story that provided bountiful entertainment. Though the underlying reasons for the overwhelming attention were disparate, just a while back news about the former Ms California being "deposed" of her title created identical sensations in the US. News about beauty queens rising and falling make good subjects to expand on in popular media. As the drama unfolded (and continues to I suppose; seems like the saga might prolong given Ms Low's penchant for the limelight), my initial anger as a Singaporean woman being misrepresented by Ms Low's lackluster and embarrassing presentation has subsided. Truthfully, as much as many of us (including myself) enjoy dissing her, there are people in Singapore, who speak like her, act like her, maybe have some form of psychological dysfunction, and lack insight about these. It is just unfortunate that she became the target because of her high profile that is magnified in a small country where news comprises mainly economic reports, propaganda, and banal news about petty theft and outrage of modesty. Undoubtedly, the "Ris Low" epic not only constitutes an unraveling of a dark past pertaining to a Singaporean teenager living among us, but also a reflection of the Singaporean mass media and citizen journalism, which is thriving in Singapore.

2009-09-25T12:48:00.005-04:00

What a fine way to start the day...
(just ramblings)

I felt vulnerable today. A vulnerability that contained uncertainty and feelings of self-doubt overwhelmed my ego. And perhaps the need, as Freud would gladly allude to, to get this off my chest motivated me in taking this initial step to log on to blogger. I don't feel comfortable and secure where I am and about the decisions I've made. Wobbly is the word, I guess. Again the same old familiar worry about the next five years boiling into my consciousness and I'm asking myself whether I should or should not rather than whether I want or do not want. And I'm keeping all these things ambiguous in my writing here cos' I don't want to be driving people nuts with "there she goes again..."

The debate fueling the anxiety right now is going into something challenging vs. going into something safe (and safe meaning something I feel totally confident and comfortable about). Well, the latter option seems to be a lost cause right now because of the amount of psychological investment lavished on the prospect of the former option and efforts into fulfilling it. It seems to me at my current state of mind that the defensive pessimist in me would prefer a very prevention-focused orientation in which I do something safe, something that I know I can do, something that I'm know I can do well in. Yet the challenge that derives from the other is intellectually stimulating yet pressurizing and anxiety-provoking (at least at the present moment). To make it more concrete, I'm just not sure whether I'm smart and creative enough. There you go...I said it. I guess I'm not afraid of the potential failure; what's more fearful to me is the knowing that I've actually failed. A blow to my esteem or ego (whatever).

Now I guess I am coping...coping with all these mixed feelings and actions within my means so to speak. I'm just treading water as hard as I can and trying to stay afloat until December comes. Then things will be out of my locus of control and a sense of relief would ensue. Then God could take over (though I know God should already be in control right now...I am cognizant of that, but perhaps not feeling it as much as I would like to).

2009-09-07T12:35:00.001-04:00

2009-09-07T11:38:00.004-04:00

3 Things About FAITH

It's been a while since I blogged, but reading My Daily Bread today really illuminated the meaning of faith and uncovered some of the "myths" people, including myself, tend to have about faith. I realized how my long struggle with the belief that I needed "more and more" of it was unnecessary, and that I've been looking at the world through human eyes (my own eyes) and reckoning that things can only go according to the rules of the world. These 3 simple but fundamental truths about faith can often be sidelined in the constant rhetoric that "You just need to have faith".

1. It doesn't matter how much faith you have.

Here is something where black or white, all or nothing, extreme-thinking is advantageous (otherwise most things should be perceived in shades of grey). Here's an excerpt from Luke 17 as evidence:

⁶He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you.

In His reply to the disciples who asked Him to increase their faith, Jesus made it clear that quantity of faith is irrelevant. Sometimes we attribute unanswered prayers to insufficient faith, but fail to understand that the effectiveness of our prayers don't hinge on the quantity of our faith but rather the presence of it (i.e., whether we even have faith).

2. Don't limit God's intervention to the ways of the world.

Haha a common error that I tend to commit, by forgetting that God's power is far more superior than the laws of nature in this universe--the laws of science, logic and rationality theorized by men to explain the operations of the world. I hate to admit this but it's even more powerful than psychology (which I totally adhere to as part of my knowledge quest in life). the centurion that Luke spoke about in chapter 7 makes an excellent exemplar for us to model for even Jesus commended him as a man of "great faith":

⁹When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel."

The centurion, a man of great military status and riches in the Roman army, did not restrict Jesus' ability to heal his servant to the workings of the world. He knew that whether Jesus was physically by his servant's side did not affect Jesus' ability to heal. Often, we think that some preconditions must be present for certain miracles (or rather possibilities) to occur. For instance, I keep thinking that for me to get into a PhD program I NEED to have a publication and hence I keep praying for one (well, this is an example, not that I have been doing so extensively). But God can choose to reveal His strength through my weaknesses by enabling me to get into a program even it is difficult in the eyes of men so that I realize that it's by His might and not my own effort. Don't limit your faith in God to how things of the world function.

3. Have faith that trusts God to do His work in His way.

I like this one a lot. As mentioned in My Daily Bread, "unanswered prayers" are sometimes not unanswered; in some cases, God has overruled our wishes in a loving manner. He knows that what we asked for simply may not be beneficial or the best for us. Perhaps the timing is inappropriate or He has a far greater purpose that surpasses what we hope for. We cannot see things the way He does, and feel neglected, hopeless, and helpless when we don't see any "response" to our prayers. Jesus' prayer on the Mount of Olives offers some comfort in our distress when we feel that our prayers are unanswered (Luke 22):

⁴²"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

Well, it can be argued that Jesus had an idea of what was happening to Him and that it was for a greater good He was aware of. In many life situations, we are oblivious to what's to come and we don't even know whether the eventual outcome will be benign or harmful. Whatever the case, having a faith that considers the "invisible" (not seeing but yet believing) would definitely help us to step out of hopelessness and helplessness although I must emphasize that Christianity ("religion") is not a feel good thing. Taste and see then you'll realize that God gives us more than we can ever imagine.

Unanswered prayers are answered still

As part of God's great master plan;

They help to carry out His will

To demonstrate God's love for man--D. De Haan

2009-08-09T00:50:00.001-04:00

Back to New York

I am now at Gate B11 in Toronto’s Pearson Airport, feeling robbed of my sense of control. My plan to purchase Tim Horton’s donuts has been wrecked by the US Immigrations Office. A mere glass wall segregates me from that one-time opportunity to experience a taste of heaven on earth (I love donuts!!!). Darn, an out-of-body déjà vu experience that pricks deep into my chest! Last year, I had similar plans to try out Krispe Crème at the airport in Hong Kong before I boarded the plane back to Singapore. I never found the outlet (though I had info from a friend that there was a branch at the airport). This time, my grand plan to buy a whole box of Tim Horton’s donuts home is ruined because the counter is located within the domestic (i.e., Canadian) flights area at Terminal 3 (and I made a prior check to make sure that it is within the terminal I’ll be in)! Oh well…there goes my plan to try the Boston Cream and new Blueberry flavor donuts!

A sense of ambivalence is flooding my mind: relief because the conference is finally over and normality will resume; dread because I simply don’t look forward to the work ahead of me.

This trip has been a great one. Bonding with friends and eating good food (lotsa bubble tea, long-anticipated fresh sashimi, Teppanyaki and Indian food!!!) were the highlights I guess. Seeing the Dead Sea scrolls at the Royal Ontario Museum (and taking weird, quirky pictures with dinosaur bones) and going up CN Tower were secondary highlights.

The most ridiculous and “please-get-me-out-of-here” moment was being stuck in a tiny American Airlines plane lying on the tarmac for a whole 2.5 hours because of a thunderstorm and suffering anxiety from waiting for my unlocked hand luggage that contained my lab-top at the luggage belt (Pearson Airport policy does not allow their ground staff to remove cargo when there is lightning striking—even though it was sunny).

The second most outrageous event of this trip (a close contender of the first one) was the awful banquet food that we paid $30 for at a restaurant near Chinatown! The suan la tang literally comprised hot sauce and water, and the shrimp made me nauseous.

The most memorable thing: going clubbing with Stanley Sue!

What I loved about Canada: beautiful architecture, good food, and cleanliness (relative to US cos’ people from Ottawa were amused when I said Toronto was clean).

The best thing of this trip: incessant laughter with friends and maybe the seminar on “How do dogs think?” by Steve Coren from UBC. Watch out, Chewie! I’m gonna read your mind.

Okay, going to get something to bite before I board the plane. Toodles….!

2009-08-03T23:36:00.003-04:00

Rejections, rejections, rejections...

How do you bounce back from rejection after rejection? (If you are looking forward to a great answer, I have none; if you are hoping to find out where to seek the answer, perhaps I may have some direction)

Number of PhD applications rejected:

15 (2008) + 2 (2009)

Number of times my manuscript has been rejected:

2 by two journals

Number of times people rejected participating in my study at the supermarket:

countless...

Rejections are part and parcel of life. This is something I probably learnt of recently. It is definitely not something that I was used to. But now it seems to be "a common home-cooked meal" (jia chang bian fan) to me. Not garnering some kind of sympathy here, just trying to share my newfound realization that things do not always seem so rosy. It is especially hard when everything has been going smoothly in your life and when you are confronted by a rejection, it is a huge one.

Certainly I have faced rejections before. My first one probably in secondary school when I felt socially rejected and lonely. But I looked ahead and somehow I bounced back. I guess I adapted. I was able to navigate the interpersonal world without having to deal with tricky BFF relationships and cliquish loyalties--because I never had either. This is of my greatest regrets, especially when I view people's FB photos and "How well do you know XX" surveys. God is great. Despite this, He has placed people in my life to let me know that I would always be able to obtain support when I need it.

At this juncture, I can loudly proclaim that I'm stepping into a rejection-laden path. This is not catastrophizing, nor is this exaggeration. The career I have decided to embark on is one in which rejections are commonplace and expected. Journal manuscripts and conference abstracts are bound to be rejected, and people are bound to reject participating in my studies. The first time I conducted the supermarket study and the first time my manuscript was rejected I was really upset, but now I'm able to take it all in and not allow myself feel bad about these things. I have moved on and adapted.

Jesus dealt with the most severe forms of rejection--by the ones He came to save, by those He loved most dearly, by His own people in His hometown. The rejections we face are incomparable to the persecution He suffered and the pain that resulted. Perhaps it helps to reflect on this in our times of rejection and find peace in the fact that God will never reject us--not our prayers, our cries, our weaknesses, etc. He accepts us entirely, even if we are the most incorrigible of all sinners.

Now when I face rejections I stop dwelling on the negative emotions that arise; instead, I think of how I can work on reducing my rejection rates. Not sure if that's the best solution. But it definitely helps!

2009-07-21T00:36:00.002-04:00

Enter into the Garden of Gethsemane

There are points in our lives where we feel alone. We are in a place where no one else can come with us. It could be sickness; it could be an exam; it could be anything that we need to confront on our own. Our families and friends cannot suffer the illness for us, nor can they take the test on our behalf. The Lord puts us through trials so that WE can be molded and refined; we need to brave the challenges in order to be changed.

In those moments, we don't have to act heroic. We don't need to, in Singaporean terms, geh kiang. Easier said than done. That's what I always do: try so hard on my own, struggle on my own and eventually wallow in self-pity when things don't turn out the way I like them to be. We don't have to carry the burden, the yolk, on our own. You see, when Jesus entered into the garden of Gethsemane, he started off by praying this "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me" He fell with his face to the ground and faced God in His frail humanity, in honesty and in sorrow. He acknowledged His human nature. Likewise, we can enter into that same place and cry out to God, be broken before Him and admit that vulnerability you possess.

But note what the Lord said thereafter. He continued by praying this "Yet not as I will but as You will. He allowed God to override His own humanly desire. Is it resignation? Nope, it is an act of submission and obedience to the One who is all-knowing and almighty, the One who knows what's best for us when we don't most of the time. What does it mean to surrender to the Lord then? This is something that we always tell ourselves and tell the ones we love. But what does it entail specifically. First and foremost, what is within our ability is to stop struggling. Stop trying too hard. Stop bashing through the jungle. Be still, talk to God and praise Him. Go into the presence of God. Go into the garden of Gethsemane to meet Him.

This was a message that really touched me on Sunday when I heard the pastor preach the Word of God. I have been struggling and floundering and trying to keep afloat on my own, doing all it takes in my own wisdom to achieve the success I want. It's tiring and when things don't go smoothly, it is easy to beat yourself and find reasons to blame yourself. You start questioning why you can't do this. We are not invincible and rejoice in that because that keeps us plugged into God's resources; we realize that we need to stay close to God to survive. That's a true blessing that often goes unnoticed.

Here is a link to a song that we sang at service this Sunday. Check this out if you want to know what it means to surrender!

Marc James' Surrender

2009-07-13T17:16:00.005-04:00

Commonality in Diversity

(extension of previous post)

I was watching the Tyra Banks Show on bleaching skin (perhaps it was shown today because of MJ's recent demise), and found the content very relevant to my previous blog post. Tyra was interviewing a group of African American women. One of them had really dark skin, which she dubbed "slave-black", and another 2 had skin that resembled that of caucasian women. They were at opposite ends of the spectrum. The dark-skinned lady was lamenting how she felt disadvantaged compared to the Black women with relatively whiter skin. The other 2 were relating past accounts of being ridiculed by their African American peers, and being checked as "White" by a police officer when booked for speeding. These ladies began to dispute about whose plight was more unfavorable, and finally Tyra tried to round up the conflict by getting them to think about their commonalities.

Apparently, some women in a bid to lighten their skin use bleach (those used for clothes!) on their faces and bodies. Others not only bleach their own skin, but also do it for their own children. Other than bleaching, some had contempt for their own hair texture; they found it of "lower class". Tyra also had her producer interview some young Black girls on TV and they all had something in common--a dislike for the typical coarse, fizzy Afro hair. It was so saddening hearing kids talked about being made fun of because of their hair. There was this one girl who said she thought people liked her better when she wears her Hannah Montana wig.

Though I'm not African American and will never be able to understand how they feel, I just felt so sad watching the program. There were obviously larger themes of stereotypes and stigma involved. Whether its actual or perceived, stigma has seeped into how people view themselves and choose to dissociate with their own heritage. Many are banking on Barack Obama's presidency to change such perceptions. Psychologists are trying to understand how his presidency has changed racial attitudes. The picture seems hopeful.

2009-07-09T21:07:00.004-04:00

Commonality in Diversity

It's been a long while since I updated this blog on a regular basis. The motivation to pick it up and start writing again after such a hiatus was truly derived from friends that recently told me that they felt encouraged reading some of my entries. I never really expected that. Firstly, because I haven't written anything in a while, and secondly perhaps because I never really believed that people would read such stuff and be touched, be inspired, or acquire new insights. Upon reflection, I guess the main reason why I blog is because some things that I ponder about, for example a message or a learning lesson I draw from observing the world, sound pretty good in my head ;) Besides, an idea will always remain an idea if it remains in the mind. If it were a bad idea then remaining in the mind or eradicating it altogether wouldn't be a bad thing. But if it were a good one then it ought to be shared on a platform so that people can potentially translate it into an action or even a movement! Whiffs of idealism brewing...:D

Back to the subject of "commonality in diversity". It was on the shuttle ride back to my apartment in the Bronx that this catchphrase bobbed into my mind. I can only attribute this to the reflections of home (i.e., Singapore) I had earlier on, and the realization that I've slowly begun to become accustomed to life in NYC. Scanning around the subway station and studying how people scoot home during the rush-hour made me feel so embedded in the context and that I was a part of that social and cultural environment. This sounds kinda vague; I can't really put it into words. The bottom line is I've gotten used to life here. Everything that was foreign to me a while back had become a familiar sight: the subway scene at peak hours, the sunlight at 7 o'clock, the noisy streets of Manhattan, etc. The "barriers" that once made me feel separated from the crowd--the different skin colors and hair colors, the American accent, etc., which were all so surreal to me at the beginning (as though I had stumbled into a hollywood set)--have waned away.

The driver of the shuttle made a comment about the remarkably smooth ride to the Medical Center (the stop before he takes passengers back to the Bronx from campus). The traffic condition was absolutely fantastic. Then he prattled on about earlier trips when traffic was horrible and cars congested the roads, and talked about how one could avert the traffic buildup on Riverside Drive by taking the Broadway rout and how it was sometimes a better option despite the number of traffic lights found along Broadway. I immediately thought how "Un-different" that was from the mindset of a Singaporean driver! I began to see how much commonality there is amidst that diversity we all talk about in the world.

We often notice how different we are from each other, but fail to recognize how similar in actual fact we are to one another. Whether in Singapore or NYC, there are commuters who likewise dash into trains without allowing passengers to alight first, and there are those who refuse to move into the carriages when the trains are full. Whether in Singapore or NYC, we get impatient when we're caught in traffic jams and upset when we miss the bus. In psychology experiments, we see the same social phenomena happening in the US and many times the same results are replicated in other countries--in China, in Singapore, in Europe, all over the world. Sure, you may see differences in the way people from different cultures behave from time to time, but I believe that we are actually a lot more similar than dissimilar.

This makes me think back about the times when I was either in a class, an ECA or a youth group. There were always those cliques that started to form as so-called like-minded people clustered together to form their own little community. There is nothing wrong in that. It happens, it's natural and it's called group dynamics. Different groups of people may uphold different values, have different likes and dislikes, and have different dress sense. When I recall these instances, however, I think of how ideal it would have been for the various cliques to have focused on the commonalities they all shared instead of the things that set them apart. In social psychological terms, it would have been ideal if different groups were able to engage in perspective-taking and formulation of a shared goal.

There is so much talk about diversity right now in this day and age. It is being celebrated, and it took humanity a long time to reach this stage where we respect each other's differences. But above all, we should also remember what binds us together and the commonalities that we share. We all like peace and we all feel grouchy when we don't get enough sleep!

If Christians could remember how they share the same God and not how different they are in their views and beliefs...that would be ideal...:)

2009-07-07T11:56:00.008-04:00

Unconditional Love Displayed Conditionally

It's nicely captured in that title, I guess. Yep, that's how it is with my pup. He's a cutesy, girley, Brenheim (meaning white and brown coat), King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. His name is Chewie, and I think from the likes of it, the name is perfectly apt in describing him--chewing is his favorite pastime now and I hope not forever. He's 4 pounds now and as tiny as a boot. Whenever he sits still in his favorite toy dog position, he looks like a stuffed animal.

Yesterday, as per everyday, I was awakened by his squeaky yelps and moans around 8am (he is definitely the morning lark and not the late-night owl). In my fuzziness, I discovered a "lovely" little mess the boy had made. Because an abruptly awakened person is seldom a happy one, I lost my cool though it was largely watered down cos' at the back of mind I was aware he was still a puppy who wasn't the best at holding his poop and pee. Nonetheless, I was grouchier than Oscar and his Grouchketeers.

So what exactly was the damage? There was poop on my bathroom mat, which was one of his favorite lying spots, and to my horror, I found the same beige mat that I adored to be gnawed and frayed at the corners with stray threads littered beside it. I was mad!! I gave Mr Chewie several spanks on his butt and topped them with a furious scolding. Clearly afraid and guilt-ridden, the young mister hurried back to his crate and lay on his towel with full knowledge that he had done something wrong.

Unconditional love with a conditional display. It's difficult not to love this pup especially when he's cute and affectionate: he seizes every chance to scramble into your lap when you sit on the carpet; he loves to lick your toe (though most of the time he bites with his new set of milk teeth!); and he never fails to amuse whenever he straightens his neck upon hearing the doorbell in the Tacobell ad on TV. It's so easy to love him unconditionally, yet at times I get so mad that extending such love becomes an exceptional feat.

On the other hand, his unconditional regard for me (despite the numerous dressing downs he gets when he sets me up on an anger trail) makes it difficult to not reciprocate that affection. However, with puppies, showing that love conditionally helps them understand their limits and boundaries; it becomes necessary to dispense external and social reinforcers when they behave, and punish, confine or deny them of their reinforcement when they go out of line. Hence, the title "Unconditional Love Displayed Conditionally".

I learn a couple of things from this conditional-appearing, unconditional love that I have for Chewie:

1. Loving something adorable is simple. But when that love object messes up, when that love object shows disdain for you, or even when that love object is simply externally unattractive, the task of loving becomes a chore. But God doesn't treat His love for us like a chore or task; he simply loves us unconditionally although we screw up sometimes, although we make a mess of our own lives, and although we show our disdain for Him. Loving us unconditionally is what He does best.

Chewie, when he was still lying in his bed with the right side up

(now he likes to flip it and lie on the other side!)

2. Chewie always flaunts his unconditional regard for me without hesitation. One could say that that's his natural instinct. Even though I shower him with conditional-appearing love, he still maintains that same regard for me. I'm not drawing parallels between my God and my Chewie (God forbid that!). What I'm saying is, despite my conditional praise and worship for God in my life (I pray when I need help, and sing His praises when I feel like it), God never despises that little I give Him. He always accepts it and He loves me unconditionally nonetheless.

Chewie fast asleep on my lap (Lap-Dog!!)

3. Because of the soft spot I have for Chewie in my heart. I always find it easy to forgive him when he misses the pee pad when he aims his pee, when he bites my toe or chews my mat, or when he knows he's pooped improperly and tries to cover that up by eating his poop (this is just a conjecture but you get the picture yah). And likewise the soft spot God has for each one of us makes it such that He'll always forgive us and love us the same even when we do things that hurt Him or make Him angry.

There's Chewie sitting in his toy dog position on the bathroom mat

4. Finally, sometimes it can seem that God's love appears conditional. When we worship Him with our lives, sometimes (not always of course) things are smooth; when we refuse to demolish the idols we set up for ourselves in our lives, things happen to make us go back to God. Such conditional-seeming favor is present to mold us. Remember God's motive is always to prosper us and not to destroy us. The same unconditional love I have for Chewie exists in spite of the conditional affection I shower him with.

Chewie fast asleep in his bed with his stuffed ring toy

Life is not the same with the pup. Especially with the first few months things get way out of hand. I wake prematurely, the cleaning at home becomes doubled, the distance I have to travel just to bring him for shots (that's a whole story altogether!), and of course the extra expenses I incur, all make me regret getting him at times. But the unconditional love he gives me and the same love I reciprocate makes these thoughts vanish and dissipate. And of course, the hope that this is just a phase helps me get by each day!

2009-02-07T15:50:00.002-05:00

It's been such a long while since I last blogged. Yep, been busy. Too busy lazying around and watching shows online and on TV. Anyway, I've decided to blog because something happened to me yesterday that necessitates some kind of cathartic release I guess.

Just a quick update, I submitted 2 applications to 2 separate PhD programs at the end of last year. One was to a PhD program in the Social Psych department of Columbia uni, and the other was to the B-School at Columbia, the marketing division. Yesterday, I felt my flicker of hope just diminish and disappear.

The PhD application results will be out soon, but I sense my hope dissipating by the day. These are two very difficult programs to get in and I've chosen (and I'm not too sure whether is by pure faith or sheer laziness) to place all my eggs in once basket by limiting my options to these two places. Yesterday, I learnt of news that my application is being pitted against very strong competition and realistically I know my chances are close to a mere zero.

The Lord was gracious. Just before I left the apartment yesterday, I did a quick read of the daily bread my mum gave me when she dropped by New York. It was regarding the loss of Manchester United, the football club, when a plane carrying the team crashed leaving only one surviving member who rebuilt the team and restored its former glory to what we knew Man-U to be in the 1990s and early 2000s. In the same way, when Jesus died and all hope seemed to be lost, He resurrected from the dead, sat at the right hand of God in Heaven, and became our bridge to God and eternity. Although the mesage didn't impact me much as I left the apartment, but somehow the message was instructing readers to know that in all tragedy and loss, the Lord has the capability to restore and bestow greatness in all situations. I knew no matter what I had nothing to fear.

I shan't deny that I was extremely devastated. This is no life and death matter; it's merely something that I really want. But still I've been trying to apply since 2007 and I am pretty much tired now. Although I know this round I might not get in because all odds are stacked against me, I'm going to hang on and persist because God appreciates persistence in prayer and in effort. And hopefully my faith (and my applications next year) will take me there someday. As I reflect on my life, I realize how the Lord works with me. He usually opens one door and inspires hope, then closes that door but opens another that brings another spark of hope. As this door closes, I don't know what is behind the next that opens. But it usually is something better and beyond what I can imagine. Now I just need to prod on...

2009-01-01T11:55:00.005-05:00

My Traveling Ordeal: To Montana and back

It seems a little too late to blog about this. Nonetheless, I am going to journal this down while it is still fresh in my mind, to remind me of God's goodness in helping me endure and navigate through life's little distresses that presented during my travel to Montana and back.

21st December 2008 (Saturday):
I hopped onto the Super Shuttle to fetch me to Newark Airport, New Jersey, only to realize that both the boot straps belonging to the 300-dollar pair of UGG boots I just purchased the night before were no longer on my boots. Unstrapped and dangling from my boots as I was making the 100m dash for the shuttle (rushing late as usual), they had fallen off--one at the lobby area of my apartment building, and the other into the heap of snow at the sidewalk of Broadway where my building was. Immensely distress set in (although technically I could still put on and secure the shoes). I immediately made an SOS call for help to retrieve my boot straps. After 4 repeated phone calls that went unanswered, I decided to leave a text message. Fortunately, my phone call was responded to eventually (after a grueling 10 min wait as my shuttle drove further and further uptown), and my boot straps were found. Thank God! Thinking that the worse had happened and nothing else should go wrong after that little "setback" (well, I said that too early). I made it onto the shuttle and got to Newark in good time. The check-in queue was terribly long, but unsuspecting of any possible complications that could arise, I waited in line thinking that I was early and time was on my side. To cut the long story short, the queue barely moved after 2 hours and rumors of the flight being canceled were verified to be true. By the time I got to the counter, I was informed that my flight to Minneapolis, where my connecting flight to Montana was supposed to take off from, was canceled and the next earliest flight they could give me was on the following Tuesday, 23rd Dec. With that, my vacation period was reduced by half from a week to three days four nights (my airticket cost approx USD1400!). Resigned, I took a 2-hour-ish ride on the express bus and subway back to Manhatten, and trekked back on the icy ground to my apartment, lugging my luggage along. It was utterly distressing and awfully! The weather was freezing and the journey back was very rough (to keep the story short, I won't elaborate). Oh well, at least I wasn't stranded in the airport with nowhere to go.

23rd December, 2008 (Tuesday):
This time I was determined to fly, but it sure wasn't going to happen without a struggle. My shuttle was 15 min late. The driver dilly-dallied and by the time we got onto the highway to Jersey, we were stuck in a traffic jam. The whole journey was stressful for me. By the time I got to the airport, it was half an hour to departure time. I noticed that the queue was short at the check-in area and thought I would be able to make it, but before I could even heave a sigh of relief that I made it, I was told that they had "locked down" on all check-ins for the flight I was taking. I went hysterical!! I was in disbelief. I went to the counter to demand an explanation. They said there was nothing they could do. I hurled at the counter staff and demanded a refund if I wasn't going to be permitted to go onboard. I was intensely furious. They told me that I had to call up their office to enquire about and obtain any refund. I was livid because I had been making phone calls to the airline (which I would not explicitly mention here) for the past few days to enquire about earlier flights out to Kalispell, Montana, but I hadn't been able to get through. Adamant about making it onboard this time, I continued to create a scene. The manager subsequently made a check on the system and realized that I had made a prior check-in online and that I should be allowed to board the plane. They directed me to rush to the gate. There were other passengers queuing at counter that did not make it on the flight because they didn't. With 10 min before the plane took off, I ran to the gate with my luggage, and eventually made it. That was really close. Subsequently, I managed to fly to Minneapolis and caught my connecting flight to Kalispell. Thank God!

27 December, 2008 (Saturday):
After the nightmare I had experienced in my trip to Montana, I wasn't expecting anymore hiccups. But I guess God had other plans to stretch my limits and challenge me. A snow storm was anticipated to arrive in Kalispell after 11am on Saturday. At 8.30 am, I boarded my plane after checking in my baggage, unsuspecting of what was to come and thinking that I was going to miss the impending storm. Shortly after boarding, I was kinda sleepy and dozed off in the plane before take-off. At around 9.10 am, I was awoken by a small commotion. I openned my eyes and to my amazement the plane had not taken off! A lady in the seat across the aisle and diagonally behind me was sobbing away, moaning that she had to fly to Washington because she had a job. In the words of the 11-year-old boy sitting in the seat behind me, she appeared to be "mentally disturbed". Shortly, a ground staff from the airline came onboard and coaxed her to leave the plane with the assurance that alternative arrangements would be made for her to travel to Washington. Apparently, the plane couldn't take off because the runway was too slippery and the plane was too heavy to fly. The flight attendant requested for 8 volunteers to leave the plane--each passenger would be compensated with a $300 airline voucher. After 8 volunteers left, they did a count and requested for 7 more people to get off the plane. And then, 4 more, and eventually 1 more. After 20 minutes of tension and suspense, the plane was de-iced (they sprayed some redish-fluid and green substance all over the body of the plane), we finally took off. By then it was 9.30 am and the flight had been delayed for an hour.

When I reached St. Paul International Airport, my connecting flight to Newark had taken off. I was re-booked on a flight that was 5 hours later to Detroit, Michigan, for a connecting flight back to New Jersey. With no boarding pass issued and simply given verbal instructions to go to Gate F7 to wait for my next flight out to Detroit, I felt utterly unsettled. Thank God, I made an SOS call to New York, and was able to check-in online for seats onboard the flights I was taking. I secured my seats and made it to Detroit and finally back to Newark. I reached Newark at 11.30pm (according to the original itinery, I was supposed to meet my parents at the airport at 4.50pm!). To cut the long story short, my baggage was located to be stuck in Minneapolis. I left my details and went to the ground transport counter to call for a Super Shuttle. The shuttle came after 90 min, and by the time I reached home, it was 2 am. I was upset but relieved to have made it back safely.

28 and 29 December 2008:
Around half past 10 at night, I received a voice mail message from the baggage services instructing me to give them a call on their hotline. They informed me that my baggage would be delivered to me soon and the driver would call me when he made the delivery. I got home close to midnight, and the driver had yet to call. I made another phone call to the hotline and they said the driver would call me. Close to 2 am, the driver had not called and I gave up and went to bed. Shortly after 3 am, I was awakened by a phone call. The driver was on the line and told me that he was nearby and that he would be arriving shortly to deliver my baggage. Rustling out of bed and putting on my coat, I rushed down to receive him and finally got my luggage back. But I certainly wasn't happy from being awakened at 3 am in the morning!

2008-12-20T00:17:00.002-05:00

The UN-GLAM of staying in a cool city like New York.

New York always sounds so cool, doesn't it? When I told several friends that I'll be going to NYC for my postgrad, they seemed so envious of me. Hollywood films perpetuate the image of NYC as being one of the greatest and most exciting cities in the world--well, I guess the exception would be films that depict aliens invading the planet or something catastrophic striking the world; such things always tend to happen in Manhattan in those fictional films, don't they?! Shows like Gossip Girl, Sex & the City, etc. show the glamorous side of living in NYC. Haha but they don't include the UN-GLAM parts of it.

Today, the UN-GLAM part of living here was glaring to me. There was a snow storm. And it wasn't nice. I can't deny that it looked beautiful; everything was covered with a blanket of wintery white. However, as my friend, Esther, astutely recognized, "It's pretty when you look at it from inside through the window, not so when you are outside!" It's really gorgeous when in the initial stages when the snow flakes fall, but it's a totally nasty experience when it inches of snow accumulate on the sidewalks and pavements and especially horrible when the ice starts to melt. Amidst the heavy snowfall today was slush all over the ground that made walking along Broadway (and many places in New York and Jersey as a matter of fact) a hazardous experience.

I found myself slipping into the self-pity mode so many times today! I was blaming myself for not wearing my Wellington boots out. I wore the other pair which was not impervious to water. When the snow started to melt, puddles formed everywhere. Worse still, the puddle surfaces were shrouded by ice so I ended up stepping into puddles several times and some were pretty deep. After a while, my boots got wet and water seeped through, soaking my feet and chilling my toes! It was a real nasty experience. Anyway, thank God I made it to Harry's Shoe Store just 10 min before it closed and bought myself a USD300 pair of UGG boots that are waterproof. I knew I had to, otherwise I won't survive Montana in the next couple of days (it's like -14 degrees celsius over there!)

Living in a country with winter is really a hassle. Not that I'm dismissing it totally; I do like the beautiful sights and the experience of 4 seasons. However, there are downsides that people like us who are born and bred in warm and sunny (and humid) Singapore just don't see. It seems so cool being able to wear jackets, and to mix and match different layers and accessories, but it is really costly buying so many different kinds of clothing, shoes and other stuff. Plus, the time I take to change into something (and change out) takes forever! Sometimes carrying those big coats around can be rather troublesome too. I can go on and on about the inconveniences, but one thing I realized is that life in Singapore tends to be more straightforward and efficient because we don't have the complications of dramatic climatic changes. We won't get stuck at Bukit Batok because of a snow storm, nor do we need foreign labor to shovel the snow off the pavements. We don't need to expend large amounts of energy to heat our homes (although Singaporeans probably spend a lot on air-conditioning!), or experience a drop in productivity because of harsh weather.

So do I like living in NYC?? Haha, I'm just complaining and whining for now. I still enjoy the experience and these are just culture shocks I guess. They make me miss home. Whatever it is, I'll always remember Tuesday night (this week) when I was walking outside as it just started to snow. It was a magical experience. I have seen snow before, but that night was just awesome. It was so beautiful that I couldn't help but feel this joy well inside me and it made me want to praise the Lord. I'm still thankful that He brought me here, and I'm looking forward to the great things He will do soon. He has led me from place to place, closing one door and opening another, and I just can't wait to see where the final destination of this hope He has ignited in me will be. Hopefully, I'll get to stick around for a while. I just bought close to USD600 worth of North Face gear (and that 300-dollar-boots), I think I can tahan the snow at least in NYC, not too sure about Montana.

2008-12-11T00:47:00.005-05:00

REJECTION: LET'S FACE IT!

Let's face it, rejection is a fact of life. And if you are still young and naive to this world, I'm sorry to tell you this truth. What matters most however, is how you choose to respond to it--with despondence or endurance.

I got my first rejection today. Well, technically not my first cos' last I remembered earlier this year I did receive 14 Ph.D. application rejections (maybe not 14 cos' some schools didn't even bother mailing me a letter of rejection!), but today's, I guess, was the first rejection I got for a journal submission. So that's a first!

Although I am a defensive pessimist who doesn't usually hold my hopes too high just in case my ego plummets in the face of a failure, I can't deny the disappointment I felt. I mean, it's only natural to feel upset, angry, or hurt when you encounter rejection. Some would even argue it's evolutionarily adaptive cos' emotions spur us toward action--and hopefully constructive action. But thank God my co-author (my prof) was reassuring and encouraging in conveying the news. It definitely buffered me from the impact of the rejection. Now, I need to channel my energies toward picking up the pieces and getting back into shape with that paper, which I know I can.

It's amazing what rejection can do to you. It can make or break you. For some, rejection just feeds into their desire to succeed; for others, it can become a traumatic experience that paralyzes their will to pursue their interests, or a scar that can carry grievance and pain for a long time. Well of course, for another group it probably doesn't make any difference--there's always room for statistical variability in our responses to rejection yah? Whatever the case, today I chose to praise God in the face of rejection. For it is in our weakness, that God's strength is truly revealed. God has this knack of using the meek to do the most remarkable things, and using trials to mold us into greater beings. I recalled all the good things He had done, and reminded myself that I really have nothing to complain about.

What really prompted me to blog tonight wasn't my dejection over being rejected. Rather I just felt this familiar tingling, magical feeling that God was at work today. On Monday, I felt motivated to prepare my application package, and submit it to the office way before the deadline, which is 1 Jan 09. So on Tuesday afternoon, motivated me went down to the bookstore to get envelops to put my transcript and supporting documents into. This afternoon (Wednesday), my package was dropped off at the PhD office. The supporting documents included my CV, which under the "publications" section had my journal title written there as "under review". Obviously, I can't do anything about it now (I had just received the rejection) because the CV has been submitted with my package. Well, I could email the office and tell them that my manuscript had been rejected and change its status, but that would cause too much of a hassle and irritate the staff handling the applications--not a wise move. So somehow everything worked out such that my CV still looks good, and I didn't intentionally hide the news of the rejection from them. In any case, it shouldn't hurt my prospects that much. Besides, I could always change the status to "manuscript in preparation" or something like that. I would update them when I do get through to the interviews. NONETHELESS, I can't help but feel the tingling feeling that God was at work somehow, and He still is. He has given me much more than I can ever imagine, and a wonderful testimony that can encourage and uplift others (haha, shan't reveal anything here for now). So for this and other things, I can only look to Him in awe, and praise Him for His wonderful grace and favor on me.

Rejection? Hahahaha. Laugh at it. If you deserve to be rejected, then do something it. If you feel rejected unjustly, be it by someone you had treated with respect or someone you totally don't know (like the editor of the journal I submitted to), remember that God frowns upon injustice and He promises in the bible that the unjust will be paid their dues. And even if the whole world rejects you, which is clearly impossible cos' you won't be able to meet everyone in the entire world in your lifetime (duh!), remember that Christ loved you so much that He gave His life to pay for your sins. It's like having the favor of the King. If you have the favor of the King, why would you need the favor of His men? Anyway, pleasing God can sometimes win you the favor of men. Doesn't mean that you'll definitely be rejected by people because of your faith; I guess it's more accurate to think that we should love God and follow Him in spite of the possibility of losing favor with men. Okay, getting into too much theology. Need to stop here now.

2008-12-08T01:35:00.002-05:00

Pray A Prayer of AUTHORITY Today.

We sang a song during the service today. It went like, "Tell the mountain to move away; tell the mountain to move away; move away, move away". I could really feel the conviction in the crowd as they were singing it. I felt so convicted myself.

It reminded me of how we need to pray prayers of authority at certain times. Whatever circumstance you are going through, be it a "mountain" or situation you feel has reached a stalemate or seemingly hopeless situation, perhaps you should take up the staff today, just as Moses did when he led the Israelites out of Egypt, and "tell that mountain to move away". Bring forth your petition to God with prayer and fasting, and at the same time, pray with authority.

Matthew 17 (NKJV)
20 So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. 21 However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”

Mark 11 (NKJV)
22 So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. 23 For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

2008-12-01T21:03:00.003-05:00

"What does a CEO, a president, and a goldfish have in common?"

This question was posed several weeks ago to the congregation at TSC by a visiting Pastor. Don't think too hard cos' this is no IQ question, neither is it some psychoanalytical question aimed at detecting some of your innermost desires and unconscious conflicts. Think abstract. Yes, they have to breathe to live, they need food to survive, yada, yada, yada. There's nothing shocking really in the answer. They all will face the ineluctable fate of death's grip over their lives.

The Pastor mentioned two points that stuck with me: 1) LIFE IS SHORT (and I'm sure all you oldies out there like myself can fully comprehend and appreciate this fact, as we start to disregard the need for candles on our cake during our special day every year, and notice the inches amassing at our waists!) 2) LIFE CAN BE WASTED. This second point struck me hard. It's bad enough that life is as fleeting as a vapor; worse still, one can look back and express regret over the lost time that can never be reclaimed.

One of my favorite songs in secondary school was this song by Joni Mitchell, "The Circle Game". I used to sing it when I was walking home along Old Holland Road, being extra careful to notice if there were people approaching me from behind (don't worry, I wasn't being hypervigilant or oversensitive about anything). I remember lowering my voice, or pretending to clear my throat, when people approached. I was pretty shy, you know. Anyway, I loved the chorus of this song:

And the seasons they go round and round,
And the painted ponies go up and down,
We're captives on the carousel of time,
We can't return we can only look behind from where we came,
And go round and round and round on the circle game.

Yep, we are captive to the eventual fate of turning to dust and ashes. This may sound moribund and bleak, but it's a truth that we need to resign to. Of course, if you're Christian (like how I am), you'll believe in an eternity that far outweighs the pleasures of life on earth. However, that doesn't mean that your stay on earth should lay to waste. As I look back on my life (I'm still fresh and in my prime, so no complaints!), I recall times when I wished time would just fly by, and other times when I wished that time would just freeze and God would allow me to revel in the state forever. Unfortunately, we're not a "Hiro Nakamura"; we don't have super powers to time travel or freeze time. Man hasn't evolved to a state where we are able to dictate which time periods to fast forward, and which to configure to a slow playback speed---in it's literal sense, that would be pretty hilarious.

Whatever it is the chilling thought that "LIFE CAN BE WASTED" spoke volumes to me that day, and it continues to do so. As I'm in the midst of my PhD applications and juggling research and coursework, I can't help but wonder where all these would eventually lead me to. It's exciting really and I'm glad for the doors the Lord had shut and opened. Yet my mind can't stop dwelling on the paradoxical fact of life: That most of us spend a huge portion of our lives striving hard just to enjoy a piece of respite amidst the labors of life, so that we can retire at 65 and pay our kids' college education, (and in America, pay off our mortgages). Perhaps then we can take our time to do everything we ever wanted...hopefully we still have that energy and zeal to do so.

Whenever I go on FB, I'm pretty consoled by the photos I see. Perhaps it's just how the yuppies of this generation are able to enjoy life and play hard a little more than the Baby Boomers. Posted photos consist of travel and food and fun and babes and sand and the sea. I guess we all need a little comfort amidst the stresses of life. But at the end of the day, how much of everyone's lives are meaningful, I wonder. In the first place, should that be some higher goal driving our lives, or are we supposed to just drink and make merry since life is short and we are bound to die anyway. Of course again, being Christian, I would take the former view.

2008-11-18T23:54:00.003-05:00

The Perils of Living Under Someone Else's Roof!

It's been a while since I've blogged, so I thought I'd just shed the laziness and get back into business. Actually, the truth of the matter is, somehow I am now caught in a situation with too much time in my hands. This is weird because I've been super busy and my to-do list has been lengthening. But perhaps super-efficient me (as always...haha) has managed to complete everything I need to do for now. Or that's what I think... So what to do with too much time in my hands? Blog lor.

This title came to me this morning not long after I woke up from bed. Don't worry, my landlady's not mistreating me, nor is she restricting me in any way. It's just that everyone living in my apartment shares one bathroom, and sometimes our needs arise at the same time (haha, sounds a little crude). In the mornings I usually wake up with a full bladder and my first urge is to clear it. And this morning, there was nothing different. I wanted to pee but there was someone in the bathroom. So how? Ren(3) lor.

This little toilet crisis has happened to me several times already. I found myself having to hold my pee, and wait for whoever is inside to finish up whatever business in there. Hai, at home in Singapore I have my attached bathroom. And even if that was unavailable, we have four other bathrooms in our apartment! I miss my room :( and more so the luxury of not having to hold my pee in. It's so nice living in your own place and not having to worry about using the kitchen or lying on the couch in the living room...Can't wait to get my own place! Hopefully graduate housing with a studio apartment...

Notwithstanding, I'm still happy and consider myself blessed to be able to live where I am. At least, my heater's warm, and I don't have roommates who refuse (or pretend to not remember, or maybe genuinely forget--always give benefit of the doubt la-hor?) to wash the glasses in the sink. Speaking of heater, the weather's really getting harsh. The temperature's been dipping A LOT, to almost 0 degrees celsius! I'm starting to wear my down feather coat already. The one that makes me look like an Eskimo. Haha, the hyena fur gets into my eyes and the hood affects my peripheral vision (I really look like a duck when I try to look around before I cross the street lol), but it really keeps me warm. I'm so not looking forward to the Winter!! It's only Fall and it's so cold...I don't even think muggers would want to come out and mug people, unless they are absolutely desperate. I might need to get a pair of boots lined with fleece inside...excuse to shop heh.

Okay, I'm losing my writer's flow. Gotta stop. Period.

2008-11-05T09:39:00.005-05:00

An unprecedented moment in world history...

I'm not just saying this because I live in the US of A now, but yesterday's election WAS an unprecedented event not only in the history of America, but also the world. I know how people typically stereotype Americans as egocentric and self-absorbed, but I can be certain that the collectivistic blood of the Orient still runs deep in my veins and I'm not making this statement because I've decided to trade in the five stars and one crescent for a star-spangled banner. However, the election of President-Elect Barack Obama truly marks the dawn of a new era. Though it may seem inconsequential to some of us living out of the US--you don't understand what the big hoo-ha is all about--all I can say is that America as a nation, its culture, economy, education, politics, etc. does have an astronomical impact on the rest of the world. Okay, I guess I've made my point.

Anyway, I'm not here to yak about politics, nor am I here to rejoice and celebrate Barack Obama, I mean, President-Elect, Obama's victory, although I was rooting for him throughout, and was exhilarated when he toppled the McCain campaign, and Sarah Palin (who by the way, had openly expressed her intentions to join the race for the white house in eight year's time!). I just thought I'd blog about my experiences regarding this election because I felt so privileged to be able to witness such a historical event right where it happened. Okay, that is partly true, the truth is I really wanna blog about this even more so because I was blown away by the over the top reactions of Americans throughout the elections, and especially last night when Obama was declared the 44th president of the United States of America. I'm sure you know how wild they can get.

The campaign fever really got into me when the two then-presidential candidates came to Columbia for their very first face-to-face dialogue. That I have blogged about. That really got me interested in this whole campaign. In the past few months, there had been so many controversies surrounding Palin (over the unjustified sacking of her former brother-in-law, and her former beauty queen, current hockey mum status) and Obama (his so-called associations with terrorists, and at the start his name sounding like Osama..haha), and it had all been so juicy and talked about over here. Professors and students would comment about presidential debates in class. There was one time, a student in class raised how Cindy McCain insinuated that people in the US Navy don't get PTSD because they are well-trained, and someone else mentioned how McCain stuck out his tongue at times when he said something wrong. On the streets, you would see booths with Obama stuff, and people wearing t-shirts in support of Obama. Then came Halloween when people even dressed up like him. And there were a few Sarah Palins too. More recently there was this dude I think from Brazil that decided to wake up in the morning and do a huge (and I mean really enormous) sand portrait of Obama on a long stretch of beach in his country. With all this happening, it was hard not to be attentive to the elections. That was accentuated when Lehman Bros fell, and both presidential candidates were putting forward their respective rescue package proposals and debates regarding the financial bailout ensued. Last week, Obama's campaign committee did something unprecedented in the history of the American elections. They bought prime time slots on major television networks and did a half-an-hour campaign ad last Wednesday. That costed them a bomb! But the ad was amazing, I felt both an emotional and an intellectual appeal coming from it. Obama is a fantastic speaker, or rather he had an amazing script-writer. Whenever he spoke, it sounded like some script taken off a Hollywood movie where one hero, leader or king makes this dramatic ra-ra speech to boost the morale of their audience. Above all, this campaign was historical because if Obama won, America would have their first African American president (well, technically not completely accurate because Obama's actually half caucasian and he has two degrees, one from Columbia and the other from Harvard, but still...); if McCain won, America would have their oldest president ever elected and first female vice-president, Sarah Palin; if Hillary won the democrat nomination for president, there could have potentially been a first female president in the history of the United States of America. So these points made this whole election so captivating.

I had two random strangers talk to me yesterday on election day. One was this dude on the street who asked me whether I was voting and obviously I said no. And there was this other guy in the elevator that asked me the same question. Everyone was just so engrossed with elections yesterday. Throughout the day, there were people driving those campaign trucks and sounding those campaign horns (like how we used to do in the earlier days when PAP was still driving around in their lorries and SDP was still in operation...Ah, the Pay-And-Pay, So-Don't-Pay days...). Last night, major news stations zeroed in on the final race to the oval office by canceling regular TV shows and replacing them with election coverage (oh yah, even Heros was postponed on NBC because of some pre-election program telecasted on Monday night...darn!). From 6.30pm all the way till 12.30am, all that was on TV was voting statistics. CNN was doing projections and there came a point where it seemed like McCain was losing the battle and then later on he jumped back for a while. But when Obama seized majorities in the West coast, mainly Washington and California, his victory was sealed. He won 70% of voters' tickets in New York City by the way. Soon later McCain gave his defeat speech and later on Obama gave his landmark, victory speech which was really rousing to the crowd in Chicago and us tuning in on TV. Outside the window, in the streets, we could hear cars horning, people yelling and cheering when Obama was declared the winner. We peered outside the window and we saw people walking on the roads not giving a hoot about the vehicles. A friend of ours said that he was in a cab and this male person just literally walked over the taxi (like pranced over the bonnet). That was how crazy it was. It was like New Year's Day. People were packed elbow-to-elbow at Times Square, Harlem, and everywhere. People were standing on telephone booths and bus-top shelters just to catch the action at Times Square! TV stations were zooming in on people in the crowd with tearful faces, and famous people in the crowds like Jesse Jackson and Oprah. The enormity and intensity of reactions displayed was remarkable.

This morning I was woken up by sirens. When I walked on the streets, everything felt so surreal and I felt like I was in a state of derealization. There were fire engines and police cars on the streets. Close to where I live was a car accident that had me wondering whether there were more incidents of road traffic accidents last night given the victory prances on the streets of NYC. As a raring fire engine drove by, I peered into the vehicle and caught a quick glimpse of FDNY firemen with their matter-of-fact, cool-as-a-cucumber expressions that totally contrasted the urgency and impatience depicted in the blaring siren. Perhaps all this brouhaha going on was long anticipated and expected. Apart from that, nothing seemed different. The first morning after election day seemed just like any other ordinary day. More than 20 months of campaigning had culminated in the nation's election of its first African American president. Everything will probably resume normalcy in a couple of days, maybe weeks. I wonder what vendors are going to do with their McCain paraphernalia. After the big event, life goes back to day-to-day struggling with finances and commitments.

As I reflect on this whole event, the only thought on my mind is my hope that Obama can truly deliver what he had promised. Bush has become the scapegoat responsible for the total mess this country is in, and Obama has been accorded the mandate to clear this trash up. A huge burden weighs on his shoulder now, and he must swiftly change his gear and operate as the commander-in-chief of the nation. World leaders are looking toward him. The people of America are gazing expectantly at him. Can the man who inspired and raised so much hope throughout millions and billions of hearts in the USA create the needed and desired change in a country so diverse and stricken with social ills and poverty? Skeptics and pundits alike will now be scrutinizing his every move. With great power comes tremendous responsibility. And I guess that's why Times Square Church is organizing a day of prayer and fasting tomorrow to pray for the new president-elect and his government. And I hope Barack Obama will live each day safely as he takes the oval office in the white house (haha, there was a joke on the Internet about the white house going to be repainted if Barack wins--that's a joke, don't take it seriously). There were two dudes that were arrested for plotting to assassinate him few weeks back. Okay, I'm going to stop here. I haven't completed my paper that I need to turn in a few hours later, and I seriously need to get back to it.

"Yes, we can!"

2008-11-02T21:33:00.004-05:00

Message from God today...

For the past two weeks Pastor David Wilkerson, founder of Times Square Church, had been ministering and preaching on Sunday mornings. It was indeed a refreshing departure from Pastor Conlon's preaching (not that I don't relish it; Pastor Conlon's a fantastic speaker and a tremendous man of God that I respect a lot, especially his leadership and zeal for God).

Today, Ps. Wilkerson preached an amazing sermon that I just felt the urge to post about here. I won't go into a long rhetoric but I'll just share the essence of it. His message entitled: "God's people will never be ashamed", and was based on Psalm 37:

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

Pastor Wilkerson was speaking this timely message in response to the crisis ahead in the nation and the world at large. Many are living in uncertain times, not knowing what the future beholds. He mentioned how the "wicked" will reap what they sow, and how this is already happening to some with the financial turmoil. In contrast, God's people will, as stated in verse 19, "in times of disaster they will not wither; in days of famine they will enjoy plenty". Apart from taking comfort from the fact that God's stated woes will come to pass, we are to rest on His promises that we will not be ashamed and will continue to be well-provided for during calamity. Imperatively, God's reputation is at stake here; whenever a promise like that is made in the bible, we can be rest assured that it will come to fruition because God must keep His word, like how he did when he delivered the Israelites out of Egypt by enabling them to cross the Red Sea--a seemingly futile endeavor by human standards, He made possible.

God cares about His namesake. In Isaiah 48, it is written:

9 For my own name's sake I delay my wrath;
for the sake of my praise I hold it back from you,
so as not to cut you off.

And in verse 11, He reiterates Himself:

11 For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this.
How can I let myself be defamed?
I will not yield my glory to another.

In this context He is saying that He won't allow Himself to go back on the promises He made to Israel even though they were stubborn and disobedient towards Him. In the same way, we know that God will fulfill His promises. And we need to look at eternity and not just here on earth.

One last line that Pastor Wilkerson said which impacted me was this: "Unity is not a feeling, it's a choice". Often in church, we feel dissatisfied because we feel that we lack a sense of unity, or we don't feel united as a church. But Pastor Wilkerson gave me an alternative perspective of unity as an action word. Unity does not mean no disagreement. Disagreements, in my opinion, can sometimes birth healthy discussions and collective action towards a common good, if managed appropriately. Unity means wanting a common goal, and sharing the burden as the team surges forward to achieve it.

Dear God,
I pray that those who fear will seek comfort in Your promises,
That they will always put their plans in Your hands
Because You know what's best for them.
Amen.

2008-11-02T07:38:00.004-05:00

It's a November Sunday morning!

I woke up a little confused morning. Not that it was a Halloween hangover or something like that. Speaking of which, Halloween over here is a huge thing by the way. It was so amazing seeing adults and kids alike, so enthusiastic about getting costumes and dressing up. Till 7 p.m. on the night of October 31st, people were still walking into stores, trying to grab one for the event. It was spectacular and popular outfits this year were probably the Obama and Sarah Palin one's. I didn't notice any McCain ones, and we wonder why ;) Anyway, it was rather fascinating seeing different characters walking in the street; it really felt as though I was in some Hollywood film. There were kids carrying little pumpkins or goodie bags, going around trick or treating. We tried to catch for this annual parade, which is hugely participated and followed by people in NYC, but the enormity of the crowd that night was just a damper--being short among towering Americans wasn't helpful at the viewing of the parade which was something like our Chingay in Singapore, with floats and volunteers who dressed up and would like to join in the procession down 6th Ave from Spring Street to 14th Street. So we stayed for a while and left, but nonetheless, Halloween was an eye-opener. I had friends talking about what they'll costumes they'll be getting or dressing up in, a week before the actual event. Even my professor put on some crazy red horns and stuck a fake devil's tail at the back of his trousers for class on Friday. It was funny how he tried to use his tail as a pointer heh.

Anyway, back to the confusion this morning-Oh how I deviate a lot! Yeah, so there was supposed to be daylight savings last night. For those of us who live in Singapore and have never heard about it, it's simply everyone living in a certain region, in a unison effort to enjoy more daytime hours, setting their clock ahead by an hour near the start of spring so that we gain one more hour, and setting it back by an hour in autumn when night begins to fall earlier! Basically, it happens so that people can exploit the longer daylight hours in summer. But in close to winter, this is reversed because of reduced daylight. So the latter happened at 2 a.m. last night I think. So just to be sure, I woke up and immediately checked the world clock online. But I guess my confusion came from the fact that everything seems fine: my cell phone clock and Macbook clock all matched the world clock timing. So it seems strange that the transition was seamless, and everything automatically switched. I thought everyone had to manually do these things. Oh well, thank God for the smooth transition. Now we are officially, 13 hours behind Singapore. Okay, I think it's time to go to church now. Better stop babbling here. Period.

2008-10-18T00:42:00.003-04:00

Having Pinkberry on a cold night out in NYC wasn't such a good idea!

Guess my worries about food in NYC were unnecessary. Tonight we went back to that Jap place we fell in love with the first time we ate there. Good authentic Jap food at cheap prices. How cheap? The two of us had a small place of appetizer (stewed slice beef and potato), edamame (green, soybean pods), a bowl of katsu don and shoyu ramen. And it cost us about 17USD. That's cheap for NYC! The only drawback was the place was so packed that the queue to get in was pretty long. But it was great. On our way back to campus, we stopped by Pinkberry for some healthy yogurt (haha, must emphasize the word healthy to make myself feel better). It wasn't such a great idea cos' tonight was super cold! The temperature today was 12 degrees celsius. The weather's turning cold, and I'm kinda worried about the impending winter. I don't think I'm equipped to deal with it. This morning I wanted to leave the house wearing a pair of tights under a denim skirt, and thank God I changed my mind and instead wore my jeans over it. Guess vanity needs to be cast aside when warmth is at stake. The cold is just too unbearable for me to dress to the nines and look cool and hip!

Forgive my ramblings. It's late. I guess it's also because it's the midterms period coming up and I'm kinda exhausted. Not that I've been studying hard. In fact, I haven't. I'm taking five courses (the norm is four) this semester but one of them is really insignificant--I just attend 1 hour lab meetings every fortnight and do some video codings for that course. Only sad part is that I'm paying a hefty sum for course credits to do that course! Oh no, I'm rambling again. Caught the "discursive flu" from my professor; she really goes on and on. She is a very nice lady, but unfortunately she goes on and on. Anyway, I think I need to exercise to shake off the exhaustion and restore some vitality in my life. I really hope I don't get fat. Though there isn't fantastic hawker fare or Chinese food here, there are quite a few options to choose from. Today, I bought a salad and I couldn't finish it. So I left slightly less than half of it and left it under my table in class, thinking that I would bring it back home to eat it as a meal--food's not cheap here u'know, and the salad cost me USD6.23!!! But I forgot about it :(

Okay, I'm turning circumstantial....I think I better stop before I go into "word salad" mode. Will provide more updates soon. Oh yes, praise God! I need to give Him some glory here. I somehow have made it into several research labs that will hopefully put in a better place for the PhD applications. I'm sure I'm in good hands and He has a great plan for me. I'm so eager to get my hands dirty on some research work!

Here's a retro clip for those 70s, early 80s babies. Fantastic singing, and wonderful sense of nostalgia...be prepared for several laughs too. Enjoy!

ming tian hui geng hao!

2008-10-12T23:29:00.004-04:00

"We Are Singapore, We Are Singapore..."

Had an awesome day today...though now I feel kinda fat...=.= Probably because we just came back from dinner at Deluxe along Broadway (we had creamy fettuccine with grilled chicken, a tomato cream soup, and a cheeseburger with fries!!!), plus we just dropped by West Side Market to get some groceries after that. We'll be attempting to cook rice tomorrow--yippee!!!--with our new Ang-mo brand rice-cooker. Hopefully the rice that comes out won't be Ang-mo-fied *horrified*!

We went to this Singaporean potluck lunch at TC today, and made so many new Singaporean friends---yay! You have no idea how happy I am :D It's nice being around people from home...*warm chummy feeling*. And eating Singaporean and Malaysian food... But for me, the best part of the interaction is not having to cook up a pseudo-American accent. I just find myself code-switching very naturally when I speak to Americans. Some of my lab-mates actually told me they like my Singaporean accent. Heh, it sounds refined because it's the Queen's English. I'm trying very hard not to code-switch now; it can be effortful trying to think of how Americans would say something and focusing on the content of the message, but it's just so natural to do so when you hear someone speaking with that accent to you. I'm proud of my Singlish accent, and I use it when I speak up in class! (: But of course not the cannot-make-it, super broken kind-lah! Our slangs are cool though...Haha! Anyway, I was so exhilarated. There was so much to talk about cos' we didn't know what course they were in or what backgrounds they came from. It was so easy just making conversation and speaking naturally. Then some of us stayed back to play Cranium. That was so much fun-lor! We'll probably register ourselves with the Singapore Consulate in NYC. Apparently, they hold events where they'll invite Singaporeans living in NYC to attend. There could be free dinners. We heard that recently George Yeo came down, and many tried to take photos with him heh...

After having a whale-of-a-time, we headed downtown to Times Square Church for the evening service, which was as usual, AWESOME. This time the choir did not have their choir robes on, so it was a pretty sight with so many diverse colors among the group onstage. It was the same choir that ministered in the mornings. Woah! They practically spend a whole day in church I guess. The worship-leader was excellent; female powerhouse. She was also new to us. They started with a series of upbeat Jewish-type songs. So catchy that I couldn't help dancing along. As usual, Pastor Conlon spoke brilliantly, though at some point I was really sleepy. He just speaks so much hope and truth into people's lives and I just find it so amazing. Every week I just can't wait to go to church to praise and worship the name of the Lord, and to hear the Word preached to us. The service always ends with a time of worship, which is great. And the choir would minister in song during the offering collection. The song they sang tonight was absolutely beautiful: Total Praise composed by Richard Smallwood.

The weekend's over! Time flies man! Life here has been a wonderful experience so far. There's so much to look forward to and I'm so glad I'm alive. All because of Jesus man! I'm just soaking in all the cultural experiences here. There is so much diversity and I'm glad to contribute to this diversity as a Singaporean. U'know, being a minority here makes me so attuned to the ethnic mix here. Though we have all these implicit ideas about the different races, there is so much within-group variation that we often ignore. Nonetheless, you just pick up certain tendencies of different groups. Whatever the case, we'll all be singing the same tune in Heaven! Oh maybe not...we'll have some singing Country, some doing rap, and others doing opera! That'll be lovely!

2008-10-12T22:31:00.005-04:00

Guitar Fit!!!

~"How many camera poses can you do with a guitar?!!!"~

"He ain't heavy...He's my brother...yeah...yeah yeah!"

It's a Taylor! Bright and American...

Newly adopted Taylor!

Me getting a shot at posing with the guitar. Can tell I'm no expert.

Stealing some limelight from Taylor!

2008-10-10T08:19:00.005-04:00

Long time no blog

Haha it's been a while since my last entry. Not that I've been super busy (well, a little maybe), just pure laziness and devoid of motivation, I guess. When you are away in a foreign land, there are so many interesting things that you can blog about. Just too many such that it gets too overwhelming when you give yourself a little break; you don't know where to start again. So before the "hiatus" prolongs, I shall do a blog summary of what's been happening in my life since October. Haha, so my mum will also know that I'm "alive and well"! (:

So I went down to Brooklyn twice. The first time I went with two really wonderful Korean female friends of mine. We went to Brooklyn Tabernacle--this church which is really well-known in NYC for their choir and music--for a Tuesday night prayer meeting. They have such a beautiful place--similar to Times Square Church, they acquired an old theatre and spruced it up. To be honest, that was the first ever authentic prayer meeting I've ever been to. There was a time of worship with only four back-up singers and a reduced band. Nonetheless, the voices and music sounded so wholesome and the harmonies were rich. We were each given a prayer slip later on, containing a prayer request from someone whom we didn't know. I presume all the prayer requests that were made to the church that week were printed out and disseminated to attendees to accord individual attention to during the meeting. I found it great that members were able to be involved in prayer for other members. Such a great way to promote unity and awareness of existing needs in church! This way, the burden gets shared among members and does not simply fall upon the shoulders of church leaders.

The second time I went down to Brooklyn was last Sunday. This time we both went down with our Singaporean friend to check out the "Atlantic Antic", an annual fair where they block up a huge stretch of Atlantic Avenue and have stalls lined up on two sides of the street--something like our Pasar Malam but a whole lot fancier. It was so long! There were so many stalls selling all kinds of stuff; odds and ends like old furniture, jewelry, t-shirts (haha the Obama ones are everywhere!), etc. were on sale. Macy's had a corner selling shoes and offering foot massage. There was also this bus museum, where kids were allowed to hop on old vintage buses to play and snap pictures. Beautiful balloons with Elmo and Spongebob were everywhere. And as usual, New Yorkers brought their little (and some not so little) pooches out as they walked down Atlantic Avenue. The weather was cloudy, but cool and not too cold. And the food, wow, there were dozen of stalls along the street, but they kind of repeat--like our Pasar Malam but food looks more high-class heh. They had some restaurants setting up makeshift kitchens and serving fancy stuff outdoors. We ate oysters and had this roast pork sandwich (nothing near our sio bah, but good nonetheless!). I had a corndog which cost me USD5!!! Haha, more high class and upmarket then ours alright...

Our real purpose in Brooklyn however, was not to visit the fair. Rather, that Sunday, Paul Baloche (this kinda famous worship-leader, songwriter) was ministering at Brooklyn Tabernacle with their awesome choir. So he was there, and so we decided that it'll be a fantastic time to pop into their service to see what it's like, especially since so many people have recommended that place to me. It was good, but I guess the food in my stomach was digesting and I felt a little sleepy, hence I couldn't fully immerse myself in the entire experience. Haha, but Paul was great. The authenticity in his worship-leading and the songs that he sang (actually one song in particular) were inspiring. What do I mean by that? Well, someone was very inspired by it, and determined to buy a guitar subsequently (before that, the will to buy one was there, but after Paul's guitar-playing it was probably enhanced by a great deal). We've been on a guitar-hunt for few weeks now--went to the guitar centre in Manhattan twice, and the one in Brooklyn once. Probably go down to the one in Manhattan tonight and buy one once and for all.

Last stop on the excursion to Brooklyn was a trip to Target--haha, how could we not go to Target yah? We don't have one near campus so it's always great to see one when we are out and about. They sell all sorts of stuff and very cheap too. We finally bought a rice cooker and will probably be cooking rice soon. This Saturday we'll be heading down to Chinatown for dinner with a couple of Chinese friends. And most likely we'll get some groceries too---Chinese vegetables!!!! They only sell western "stir-fry" in the grocery stores near campus. Anyway, we gave up a meal at Grimaldi's--this famous pizza place near the Brooklyn Bridge which is a famous tourist sight--and ice-cream at the Ice-Cream Factory beside it, to visit Target. So we'll probably go back to Brooklyn again.

Woah, I haven't even got to other events beyond our Brooklyn adventures. Well, what else is happening? Hmm...we found a gem in East Village! After heading down to the guitar centre last Saturday, we walked toward East Village hoping to get some good and genuine Jap food. East Village is like a bohemian place, similar to our Holland V in Singapore. It's lovely! And there are several Jap eateries there that seem very authentic. After browsing through menus and deciding between various options, we went to one that was filling up with people rather quickly. The deco of the eatery had such a huge Jap flavor, and the people working in it were all Jap, so we figured that it'll be good. They had these vintage Jap posters on the wall (there was one with a nude woman!!! haha Japanese are known to be kinky), and some 60s Jap music playing in the background (I would describe it as in the genre of the Doremon theme song). The food was super cheap!!! And the portions were just nice. I had a Tanin Don (beef and egg with rice). It was very yummy cos' the sauce from the beef had penetrated the egg causing it to be so tasty and flavorful. Haha it was an unforgettable gastronomic experience! I couldn't help but rave about it throughout our subway trip back to campus. We'll definitely be going back to East Village to get our dose of Jap food.

Had meals with a couple of friends this week too. We went to this Vietnamese place with my course-mate from Taiwan and her brother, and had a wonderful time just laughing and chatting. The four of us were all psych majors!!! And are all studying psychology now. So there was so much to talk about... psychology, being non-American (a lot about this actually!), etc. Haha, and I was really impressed with my Mandarin! I spoke much more fluently than I expected myself to. That was Wednesday evening. On Tuesday night, we met another friend for dessert at this Hungarian pastry shop on Amsterdam Avenue. The pastries were nice but really je lah after a while. But overall, the pastries were delectable and the place was crowded for a weekday night. In fact, I bumped into my Korean friend who was studying there. She's such a lovely girl and a devoted Christian. I had a nice and long chat with her on the subway when we were going back to Manhattan from Brooklyn. It's really fantastic to meet people who have so much in common with you.

Okay, I shall stop here for now. I need to continue on my paper. Hopefully, I'll get back to blogging soon. Maybe next time, I'll be blogging about the guitar. Haha.

Two beautiful songs of praise...

Your Name by Paul Baloche

Offering by Paul Baloche

2008-09-30T01:01:00.002-04:00

Dear God:

Perform a heart surgery on me O Lord,

Give me a new heart that will beat for You.

Untainted by the imperfections of this world,

One that will trust and obey in You,

Even when everything seems impossible.

More songs:

Dennis Jernigan's "Who Can Satisfy My Soul"

[He has a very powerful life testimony]

Terry MacAlmon's "Holy Holy Holy Are You Lord"

[He's a wonderful songwriter and worshipleader]

Music is such a powerful tool for worshipping the Lord.

Ask the Lord to put a new song in Your heart today.

2008-09-26T23:53:00.007-04:00

Be a Giant-slayer!

I went to "The Gate" tonight at Times Square Church. It is a Friday night weekly service for youths and young adults. Technically, I still fall into this group because it is catered for people from 18-30 years old. I had an awesome time worshipping the Lord and just dancing uninhibited. The speaker was fantastic tonight, and I was so glad that I made the decision to go for the service. He was amazing. His speech was so youth-appealing (he got us cheering before he started preaching!) and he had all the young people (including myself) bawling with laughter. But entertainment aside, his sermon was sharp and he didn't mince his words at all. The message was simply this:

"You need to kill the lion and the bear in private,

before you can slay Goliath in public."

Basically, he was referring to how David from the bible killed a lion and a bear on two separate occasions when these beasts harassed the flock of sheep he was tending to. He did so in private on his own, by God's might of course. The pastor from Christ Tabernacle in Brooklyn (who is kinda plump, wearing this purple t-shirt, and perspiring profusely) likened the lion and the bear to the "idols" in our lives--basically sins like pornography, drug abuse, masturbation, pride, conceit, vanity, jealousy, etc. And to be able to do great things for God (// slaying Goliath in public), we need to tackle those sins aggressively. Additionally, if David didn't kill those creatures, he wouldn't have been able to slay Goliath. Why so? Because God showed him he could do those things, and hence, David had enough faith to stand up and declare that he was going to take Goliath on. The speaker had so many other mini messages embedded in his story of David that was so simple yet penetrating.

After his message, he gave an altar call. And although I didn't approach the stage, I was just worshipping and crying out to the Lord from where I was (which was pretty close to the stage). For the past one year and even till now, for almost every single day, the same worry pops into my head: "I have to get into a PhD program, a good one." I'm tired. Exhausted. Fatigued to the core of my bones. I cope by either telling myself that God will decide whether I eventually get into one, by praying, or sometimes just thinking of how to do more research. Tonight I laid it at the cross again and cried out to Him. I really need to "kill" my chronic worrying and self doubt. I've been trying too hard on my own.

I had an awesome time tonight, and most of today actually. It was raining but I had my rubber boots! I had some hiccups in the morning that got me frustrated but I eventually made it through even though things weren't as satisfactory as I would have liked them to be. Otherwise, everything was great! Yay, the weekend's here!(=

Pretty red boots! Nice??

Songs we sang at "The Gate" tonight:

"I will Search" by Israel and Meleasa Houghton from "Israel and New Breed".

"The Stand" by Hillsong United - Sounds very pop, and I love the chorus!

"Awesome" by William Murphy - short and powerful.

2008-09-25T23:31:00.008-04:00

My apathy towards politics...

Americans ought to be vexed over the looming economic downturn. Exacerbating this worry is the failure of the country's lawmakers to come to a consensus on the proposed US financial bailout. I wonder how different factions are going to resolve this matter, but I am far from worried out this at this point. I'm definitely more perturbed by the draft intro I need to submit in less than two week's time for my Empirical Research course. This apathy towards the current economic and political situation is probably borne out of the desensitizing effect of exposure to copious news of political turmoil and upheaval around the world. Countries are changing leaders (in some cases, ousting them), and new leaders are tasked with the gargantuan task of "cleaning up the mess" in their new governments and countries. Perhaps, I'm not so disturbed because the political situation at home is stable (ha ha, with the trinity reigning at the top, of course). Isn't it something to be thankful about?

I'm more helpless at the fact that the weeks are flying by so quickly. It's been more than a month since I touched down in NYC and now it's autumn. The temperature's getting lower and we're seeing more and more precipitation in the coming days. Glad I finally got my rubber boots and leather boots after scouting weekend after weekend through all the female shoe sections of departmental stores. I really hope I'll be able to survive the cold. The nights now are really chilly and I dread the impending winter. Okay, going to stop here and leave you with some photos of the pasta we cooked on Wed night.

Pesto base linguine with mushroom and italian portobello mushroom sausage

[Belle, saw the photo of the spaghetti you cooked on your blog...check ours out!]

Tucking in to what's 10x better than Pasta Mania's pasta...!

2008-09-21T22:15:00.008-04:00

A Flushing Discovery!!!

Praise God! Found a new place to feast on Chinese and Malaysian (pseudo-Singaporean) cuisine, and to buy Asian groceries from (can find Milo, Chu Qian Yi Ding, Kai Lan, Ribena, century egg, etc.)! Yippeee... This place is called Flushing--don't ask me why, I really have no idea. It's in Queens, another borough of New York City (the others being Manhattan, Bronx, Brooklyn, etc.). Haha, it's like a second Chinatown with a little Korea attached to it. My friend, Celia from Taiwan, recommended me to this place called Nan Xiang Xiao Long Bao, which is (obviously) known for xiao long bao, and so (obviously) we had xiao long bao!

Super juicy xiao long bao!!!

Eating the xiao long bao with care.

We also had pork chop noodles which was extremely tasty, soya bean milk, and you tiao. And it was cheap!! Compared to Manhattan, that is. Later on, we went to Macy's and got me a pair of red, polka-dot rain boots! I really like them. But I'm too lazy to take a photo of them and post it here. Maybe next time yah. They cost me 69 bucks. As I was paying I was chatting with this Chinese-American salesgirl who has the same last name as me, birthday in October like me, and wants to go to TC. So much details in just a while eh? That's because she spent a long time helping me to apply for a Macy's card which was unsuccessful in the end because I didn't have a Social Security Number. Meanwhile, I also helped to do translation for two customers who could only speak Mandarin. Knowing chinese is really helpful--especially in the line of work I want to do and it looks good on my CV too. I just joined this research team at the School of Epidemiology that is embarking on a project to do with Schizophrenia in the Chinese-American immigrant community and I'm in the translation team because I'm bilingual! It is a precious language. Don't lose it.

After shopping at the Chinese supermarket (where we bought 12 packets of instant mee!), we went to have bubble tea. They have Quickly there. But it wasn't as nice as the one in Singapore. The pearls were too chewy and tasteless. I bet I can find better ones here. My mum should really set up a stall selling bubble tea near Columbia. It'll be money-raking! Finally, we had dinner at this place called Sentosa, which serves Malaysian (not Singaporean) food. We had Hainanese Chicken Rice and Curry Chicken Rice, and they were pretty good! Haha, and cheap too (again as compared to Manhattan). They have other stuff like Roti Canai (that is, Roti Prata) and ice kachang. Looks like we'll be back for more.

Won't be missing Singapore food no more!

I'll be going back on Tuesday to meet my relatives for lunch. Apparently, I got two distant aunts (or grandaunts) there and I'll be visiting them at Flushing together with my uncle who is coming to NYC tomorrow. Got a lot of shopping to do when I go there on Tuesday. It's gonna be a 1 hour plus ride on the subway man. It's pretty far but worth the visit!

Gonna stop here cos' I need to do some work. It's the end of the weekend; another week just flew by. Tomorrow night is the debut of the new season of HEROS on NBC!!! Yay! Can't wait. Here's a song that I really love that Times Square Church did today--very uplifting!

UNCHANGING by Chris Tomlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrGbVmfOw1A

2008-09-20T06:20:00.007-04:00

Just being random: Unpacking my dream content...

It's 6.20 a.m. here in the morning and I just woke up from a dream--haha, don't worry not a nightmare! It was bizarre yet I was able to make sense out of it. And amazing cos' I actually remember it quite vividly. It feels like I'm in one of those experiments where they get you to sleep in the lab, very uncomfortably linked to EEG machines so that they can measure the brain activity going on as you shift through various stages of sleep, and then they wake you up at a certain point and get you to relate whatever dream content that you just experienced in your sleep. I suppose that's the only way to preserve memories of dreams--to wake you and record it immediately.

The dream made sense to me because I see many elements of it comprise thoughts that ran through my mind in the preceding day. Somewhat a manifestation of the Activation-Synthesis Theory regarding dreams that I learnt in my Psych 101 text--I really liked the chapter on dreams; it was fascinating how Freud purported that specific images in your dream (e.g., a horse) reflected certain unwanted contents (e.g., a horse would symbolize sex) that were anxiety-provoking if they found their way constantly into your conscious mind and a defense mechanism that your brain employed was to repress it (that's when it could potentially seep into your dreams). Ha Ha, I don't buy that, but I do admire his creativity and how perceptive he is as a psychotherapist. Despite his controversies, I think he is a brilliant psychologist who was very much influenced by the cultures of his time.

The Activation-Synthesis Theory, which appears to be more scientific, seems to hold a premise that sounds suspiciously similar to what we say in Mandarin about "ri you suo xi, ye you suo meng" (idioms possess a lot of investigative value in the social sciences realm haha). Basically, scientists noticed that the brain discharges some electrical activity in the night as one sleeps, and it appears to be very random. And one theory says that it could be processing and rearranging the thought material located in the different areas in our brain. It's interesting because there are various sensing organs located in your brain and sometimes when you perceive something in your sleep (e.g., you are falling down a great height), I think (and I emphasize that this is my presumption) that the vestibular area in the brain stem that is responsible for the function of coordination and balance is activated in your sleep. It's been a while since I took Psych 101 so everything I'm espousing now is really based on my memory of what I learnt from Zimbardo (not the man himself--I wish--just the textbook he edited). But I did read it back forth several times!

Oh man, how did I get into such a long discourse about my sleep? I think I really need to put a disclaimer in my posting title. This is really very random stuff. Okay, so here goes the dream (which I must clarify should not be interpreted as having any particular meaning--it's just a mishmash of various things, both important and inconsequential, that probably went through my mind recently).

So the context of the dream goes like this. I got into a police car (I think it should be a Singapore one--haha, if you didn't know where I used to work you would probably think I was arrested for something), and this may sound a bit moribund but it felt as though there was something to be mourned for (again, this is not prophetic, just a meaningless jumble of stuff). Obviously, someone I know, who is a cop-friend of mine (which I'm not going to reveal cos' I wanna leave you guessing haha), was driving the car. In my hand was a bunch of weed-like plants that I must have plucked from somewhere before I left. As we drove (I think it was day before it gradually became night), I opened the window to the police car (haha, I'll never be able to do what I did in reality--neither can anyone else!) and started to dump the weeds a couple at a time into a plot of the same kind of weed or grass that ran along the road that we were traveling along. The plot was sloping towards my direction so as I threw subsets of what I gathered earlier onto the plot, I could give a quick glance of the weeds that I flung lying there on the ground--the car was traveling slow enough.

It gradually became dark and apparently the bunch of weeds that I gathered had some kind of flies residing in it and I kinda released the flies into the police car (this is when it starts to take on a movie-like quality haha--I can even remember what the flies resemble!). I was horrified cos' this is not something you want to happen when you are sitting in someone else's car, and your own of course, but this was a police car! Worse, the flies began to emit some substance that solidified into something that looked like a slice of desiccated beehive that was the size of a pencil-case. But somehow I was quite certain that it was made of cinnamon. And they just started multiplying and flying around in the car with that thing attached to them. I began to shoo them out of the window or swat them in the car. Some were smashed against the window and that was a gross sight which I shan't describe. I remember being very apologetic throughout and my friend was very kind in assuring me. We were driving along the PIE towards Bukit Batok then.

Just when we managed to kill or release all the flies that arose, new ones that were more ferocious appeared (they didn't have funny faces or stings, they just looked like some kind of ordinary flies with nice, leaf-shaped wings). And they multiplied again and we resumed the shooing and swatting. There were some other details that I can't recall now. Soon after, the dream just ended and I woke up peacefully from my sleep.

As I reflect on that dream, I recognize some elements which were things that either went through my mind very briefly, or were talked about in the day before. The cinnamon part must have came about because I've been eating some apple cinnamon cereal bars recently. The flies probably came about because my prof was talking about mosquitoes and how they transmit Malaria during one of my classes. The police car might have came about because I was telling some new people I met yesterday about my previous job and I clearly remembered thinking about a police car when I gave my reply. And just to wrap it up, I was reading my textbook on PTSD and here was this section on how they measured brain waves in sleep and compared this outcome between combat veterans stricken with PTSD and their healthy counterparts. Ha Ha, psychologists are always so inclined to analyze what they experience...and that's how they derive hypotheses and design good research studies to support their conjectures.

It's 7.30 am now. Time to stop and decide whether I should go back to bed. The weather in NYC took a drastic change and now its getting really cold. Time to bring out all the sweaters and coats!

~Ciao

2008-09-17T10:51:00.003-04:00

NEW NEWS NEWS!!!

Since the weekend, news in the past few days has been dominated by news of the Lehman Bros' demise in the financial markets and how different multinational companies followed suit soon after. Before that, the nation was glued to the ineluctable rage of hurricane Ike striking Galveston Bay at Texas. And of course, amidst all this was simply election craze as the presidential candidates enter the heat of the competition and busy themselves with strategic garnering of votes and controversial politics. The turn of events is remarkably dramatic. It is just so amazing how focus switches so quickly, and these rapid changes are exemplified clearly on the headlines of CNN's website. It is indeed an "exciting" time to be here I guess. The ripple effects of what happens here in the US is felt everywhere in the world. Even in Singapore, which is exactly 12 hrs away from here (on the exact opposite spot of the globe), the repercussions are tremendous, with the stock market plunging to the lowest point in two years. Though some of us may not grasp the gravity of the situation, all I can say is change can come swiftly and inadvertently. Please do not be alarmed; this is not an apocalyptic message. All I want to express is nothing in this world is secure, and only our faith is.

2008-09-14T23:15:00.012-04:00

Super hot Sunday - 09-14-2008 !!!

Hi everyone! I'm going to blog about today. It was really hot today. The weather has been a little erratic: cloudy and rainy on one day, and bright and hot on the next. Ha ha, it's been driving me nuts because I need to dress appropriately for the weather. I either end up overdressed and underdressed. So checking the weather forecast is a must before I leave the apartment.

As per other Sundays, we went to Times Square Church today. Took some shots of the church facade and within the church:

Times Square Church located at 51st Street along Broadway

That's me standing across the street from the church!

The building is actually an old theatre so the ceiling is very elaborately designed.

This is the view from the gallery snapped before service began. The service starts at 10 am but people come here as early as 8 am just to secure seats! Last Sunday, we couldn't get seats cos' we went at 9.40 am so this week we were more kiasu! If you notice a man onstage, that's the senior pastor who was walking and praying before service. And people would gather at the altar area (below the stage) to pray every Sunday.

This was taken after service (obviously I'll be too preoccupied to take photos during service).You can see the choir onstage in their white robes and the pastor at the pulpit area. They were doing a baby dedication, so there were families onstage. And the crowds below are not extended family members. They were responding to an earlier altar call!

After church, we walked down Madison Avenue to go to the Apple Store to buy a cable for my new Samsung printer. Here are some shots taken along the way and of course shots of the Apple Store which was really cool. The place was crowded with people and according to the cashier I spoke to, he said the store opened 24 hours and it is crowded all the time (don't think he meant during the ungodly hours like 3 am though!). There were so many iPods, Macbooks, etc. displayed for people to play around with. And the store assistants, or "Specialists" really look hip, young and friendly. Ha ha, Mac is really about lifestyle and not branding anymore!

Travel by horse carriage - additional way of seeing NYC & getting tourists to spend $$

The smell of horse manure was really pungent in the air!

The mecca for all Mac fans! Ha Ha no prizes for whose fave store this is!

Apple fans - actually it's just one Apple fan, I'm not that fanatic yet!

Check out the contours of this building. Nice reflective surface too.

It's the Louis Vuitton building (rightmost building)! Fans of Louis sure must love this.

The previous photo was actually taken in Harlem. We took a walk along 25th Street to look for Havaianas. Happens that the only shop selling those flipflops is situated in Harlem. But to our disappointment, there were no male designs--now you know who we were shopping for! We didn't really take many pictures there cos' it was our first time visiting the area and we were busy appreciating the sights and sounds, and being vigilant. We were the only 2 out of 3 Asians walking around there on a Sunday afternoon--other person was this old Chinese woman selling terrapins to a bunch of Blacks...which was quite an interesting sight. I didn't dare to snap that on my cam so instead we took this pix of Popeye's...LOL!!!

After Harlem, we went back to rest before whipping up a nice pasta dinner. It was yummy!!! Ha ha, we are really perfecting our pasta...so far we have used 2 kinds of bases, marinara and pesto. Next, we'll try Alfredo! I must say, our pasta beats Pasta Mania's hands down! Watch out for photos of the food we cook in my subsequent postings! For now, photos from PINKBERRY, this hip dessert chain that has hordes of Columbia student supporters! Their desserts are simply heavenly and delectable - it's just yogurt (choose from original, green tea and coffee flavor) and select your toppings from an array of fruits and cereal!!!

Haha, just posing with my PINKBERRY! Relax, I'm not eating both portions.

Front cup: Med-sized, original yogurt with blackberries, kiwis, and Captain Crunch.

Rear cup: Med-sized, original yogurt with strawberries, kiwis, and mochi!

Guess who ordered which...

Answer revealed!!!

Finally made it home to set up my new Samsung printer with the cable I bought from the Apple Store. It looks nice right? But it's super heavy and takes up a lot of space!!! I was so frustrated earlier on that the paper kept jamming. And I later realized that my paper was considered "thick" and I had to alter the settings on the computer....zzzzzz....zzzz....zzz...zz. The stack of paper I bought cost me eight bucks--USD, mind you!!!

Haha, it's super late!!! I've done it again! It took me so long to upload and format the photos. I had to drag each one to the exact spot and every time I uploaded them, they appeared right on top of my posting. Okay, shall end here...and that also marks the end of my day anyway. Just want to leave you with something that touched me during the service today...second verse of Amazing Grace. Tears just rolled down uncontrollably today as we sang it in church.

Twas' grace that taught my heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed...

It wasn't by chance that I got to know you, Lord. It was by your grace that I experienced fear in my heart--the fear of things around me and the fear of You, Lord--and the only way to bring relief to those fears was to run into Your wide and open arms. And by that same grace, You calmed my fears and still do today. It wasn't by chance. It was all because of Your amazing grace.

2008-09-12T23:56:00.006-04:00

Quarter-life crisis??!!!

Ha, when you thought you have cleared and survived all the storms of adolescence and all the decision-making you had to go through about which college to go to and which major to get into, you'll realize that simplicity is actually a myth and complication enjoys an exponential relationship with what we term "life". I'm twenty-five now (and soon to be 26), and supposing I do get to celebrate my centennial birthday, I'm probably experiencing what pop-psychology and marketing "gurus" (many are just quacks and charlatans, don't be fooled haha) would dub a "quarter-life crisis". Not that I deem myself to be in some form of crisis now. Rather I would more aptly describe the experience as an uncertainty. Most of it seems exciting now, but there's that tinge of apprehension that puts me on the edge of my seat. In the volatile and rapidly shifting era we live in, nothing's predictable and all that is secure is the unchanging nature of God's care and protection on His people.

I'm almost nearing the end of the book of Esther in my daily devotions (and I just got to know someone called Esther from Korea, who is a pastor's daughter--how cool is that?!), and though the book never explicitly talks about God per se, it is brimming with the presence of God's divine intervention. What's the relevance to my topic? Well, just let me put things this way... sometimes we do things or are prompted to do stuff which don't seem to mean anything now or benefit us in anyway, but later on or even years later, we look back and we finally see how our earlier actions had helped us reach somewhere or serve a larger purpose. That was how God worked in Esther's life. She was crowned the queen of Persia for a reason that was probably beyond her comprehension at that point of time. But later on, everything unfolded and the true meaning behind that was revealed for the glory of God.

I like the book of Esther. It contains so much hope in it. It helps me cope with the feeling of not knowing where or what my current activities and actions will lead to. Humans are creatures that need to know everything. We love to create orderliness in our everyday realities, and to be able to predict and control what comes our way. But the world doesn't function like that, and God doesn't operate in this manner. I'd like to think of Him like a puppet-master, shaping the way things work in our environment, and we, His beloved puppets doing his bidding (in a positive way of course). At times, we'll be like a Pinocchio, allowed some freedom to do whatever we please (and perhaps tell a little lie once in a while--white lies, of course, because we are nice people ;)). But God is creative and sometimes the plot of our lives are tumultuous and unpredictable so that the ending we savor is a dramatic sweetness.

After talking so much, I still don't know where I am heading and whether what I'm doing now will enable me to fulfill my dreams and meet my goals. Haha, perhaps my goals aren't even God's and He's not leading me to them! He seems to be pulling me in some directions, and yet sometimes doubt creeps in and tells me that it's too difficult or it's impossible. Fortunately, I've given up wondering whether what I hope for will eventuate. Now it's simply being all ears for His instructions in my everyday life (small acts and big decisions alike) and submitting to them obediently. At the same time, praying for His will and not my will be done. I'm taking mini-steps to a greater goal and seizing opportunities that show themselves along the way, because I'll never comprehend what they mean to me and Him till the day when things unfold just as how they did for Esther.

One beautiful song we sang tonight at "The Gate" - youth and young adults service at Times Square Church - and a song that we sang at jamming before. I really wanted to embed the video but an error message indicated that I don't have some MIME plugin--can someone tell me what that means? Haha thanks! Enjoy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q

2008-09-12T00:06:00.004-04:00

The night they put aside their differences and sang the same tune...

Columbia University was swarming with people tonight as the two giants in the race for the nation's most powerful and coveted position participated in the same forum (but were interviewed separately; we were hoping it was going to be a political debate) at the university auditorium. Woah, the steps of Low library and the surrounding areas were packed with students like me who probably tried their luck at the lottery (that secured winners with seats in the auditorium) but weren't that lucky after all. The university placed this huge screen in front of the low library so that students can watch the forum live, and perhaps enjoy a little picnic and hangout time with friends.

The forum started at around 7.30 p.m., and we bought some sandwiches and choped our seats at a strategic location just before the screen. Scores and scores of students just crammed the area and soon every spot of empty space was filled. I would really like to upload these photos, but I forgot to bring my camera--bad timing to take my cam out of my handbag when I carry it with me most of the time--and the photos are still in the camera phone we used to snap a few shots. So some other time yah.

But anyway, you can imagine the scale of this. It's machiam Singaporeans going to Comex at Expo or Christians going for FOP. Tonight's meeting between the two senators is also especially meaningful to Columbia University. Well, maybe just the appearance of that one person that makes this a particularly significant one for all Columbia students I guess. Democrat presidential candidate, Senator Barack Obama, is a Columbia alum and a hot favorite among the crowd at Columbia--I'm sure there are some Republican supporters though.

Tonight both candidates were here to talk about national service. National service here does not mean draft or NS like what it is commonly referred to in Singapore. They were both at Columbia to talk about their commitment and plans for citizens to contribute in their service to the nation. Today marked the anniversary of September 11 and I suppose TIME magazine who organized this event deemed it appropriate to pay tribute to people who serve the country, and also decided to engage the candidates in a conversation about their individual blueprints for national service. It was nice because both casted down their political cat-fight for the night and in one accord rallied the nation to move beyond themselves and to serve others.

A funny moment appeared at the start when the tech crew were still fixing problems with the screening. Just as the picture came on, this Black person was shown taking to the stage to give a speech and many in the crowd, thinking it was Obama, stood up to give him a standing ovation. When his frontal view presented itself, you could just hear chuckling in the crowd. Excitement just took over and fooled by their perceptions everyone assumed the man was Obama. One could just sense the enthusiasm towards the Columbia alum in the crowd. It was hilarious seeing students jeer or scrunch their faces as McCain spoke, and observing the contrasting reactions when Obama took to the stage. And that was no surprise because when Obama spoke you could tell the difference. In my opinion, McCain's words had little substance in comparison to the university hot favorite. Obama's replies were substantiated with concrete plans and sound policy. I admired those answers. I won't say I have become an Obama fan tonight like those people wearing Obama t-shirts, but I must say that he's my preferred choice between the two.

It's a great time to be here in America when things are shaking and reforms in the government are about to take place. People seem to be yearning for change and clear direction towards a better future. Everyone is eager to vote and waiting for elections to come so that a new government can right some wrongs and bring about betterment for the citizenry. Whatever it is, we should pray for good leadership because the US is the world's power and its influence on other countries are far-reaching and tremendous. It's going to an exciting time in history!

2008-09-07T23:13:00.006-04:00

Now therefore, I, Michael R. Bloomberg, Mayor of the City of New York, in recognition of this important event, do hereby proclaim Sunday, September 7th, 2008 in the City of New York:

"Prayer in the Square Day"

In witness whereof I have hereunto

Set my hand and caused the seal of

The City of New York to be affixed.

Michael Bloomberg

Mayor

Adapted from http://www.nycprayer.org

To learn more about "Prayer in the Square", please visit the above website.

To see the promo video for the event, please visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lh6tlQ5KZ-4

=============================================

It's eleven-ish at night now in NYC, and I'm sitting down at my desk beginning to blog about the wonders of God I witnessed today. It was such an awesome and magnificent sight. And the intimate and powerful worship today had me yearning for more, so much that I now experience a sadness at the thought of school tomorrow and for 5 more days! It'll be a week before I return to church to join with other believers in worshipping our most-high God. Sigh... And before this I was always looking forward to school, but I guess being at church wins hands-down.

I'm sure by now you would have guessed what I am going to blog about. Yes, "Prayer in the Square"! This morning, we went back to Times Square Church (TSC) for service. The praise and worship was equally excellent as per the previous week's, but today it was even more hyped up by the fact that thousands of people in NYC were going to take to the streets and pray in the center of one of the world's most famous locations and tourist spots, Times Square. One could just sense the excitement and zeal for God just permeate the entire sanctuary--from the main hall downstairs to the gallery upstairs.

What I love about the praise and worship here is that everyone (at least most people) in the congregation just sings, claps, dances, and praises so loudly, spontaneously, and passionately. I mean, we all probably know what Americans are like--how they have huge and loud personalities. And the Blacks are so groovy man... their voices are so rich and their rolls (as in the singing technique, not buns) are so effortless and smooth. They are so creative and vibrant in their music. I love gospel! Each time I worship the Lord, I can't help but sway and groove to the rhythm. It's just fantastic.

Today's sermon matched last week's in its scale of depth and revelation. It was a simple illustration from the book of 2 Chronicles about King Uzziah's downfall. Pastor Conlon likened Uzziah to many people in the Christian realm today who were selling their own formulae for success, when the most basic and fundamental way was to listen to Jesus. I can't convey the message across as convincingly as Pastor Conlon does, so I won't try to do so and I wouldn't want to do it here anyway. I'm just noting this down for my own future reference.

After service, we rushed to MacDonald's (which was next door and swamped by TSC members by then) to grab lunch before we headed back to the sanctuary for a short praise and worship session prior to the walk to Times Square. Needless-to-say, it was another awesome time of singing and prayer. And all this was led simply by one worship-leader playing his guitar, with accompaniment by 2 other musicians (the choir was probably gearing up for the event). One could sense the enthusiasm and eager anticipation in the air during the prayer intercession we had for the event.

Omigosh! It's ten past twelve and I haven't got to the meat of the event! Anyway, just to give you an idea of what we did, the whole congregation marched down to Times Square holding onto little red fans (as you'll see below) under the bright sunshine, which was a contrast to yesterday's rainy evening--God cleared the skies for the event...Hallelujah! It was such a chirpy sight because many were clad in red t-shirts that were produced for the occasion. We got there at ten past two, and waited till 3 p.m. for the prayer to start. Although everyone was squeezing within the barricaded area like carrots and peas in a can, the mood was high and later on old nostalgic hymns were broadcasted through the speakers--it was so lovely and nostalgic.

At 3 p.m., a video clip appeared on the big screen at Times Square, and shortly after, the band and choir got the crowd singing and praising the Lord. Then we went into prayer. Different people stood in the gap to pray for different needs in the USA: pastors from different denominations, an officer from the police department, a judge from the judiciary system, a military person, a freshman from Columbia, etc. And everyone was just praying along in affirmation, and singing at intervals when different singers would just lead us in song. In just that one hour, we had made a difference in the world and to the Kingdom of God.

As I stood there, I was deeply moved by the sights, the sounds, and most of all the sincerity in the prayers. Though they blocked off the sidewalks, vehicles were allowed to drive through the area. And every time a bus (especially if it were one of those open upper deck tourist buses) drove by I just couldn't help but check whether people took heed to what was happening there. Questions rang in my mind. Would outsiders just sit up and wonder why we were participating in such an activity? And consider why we were spending one hour (technically longer than that though) standing in the hot sun (it was sunny but kinda hot) praying for others? There were also churches from different countries around the world participating with us in this prayer intercession. Why do we even bother?

Prayer is an often-neglected aspect in our lives as Christians. Corporate prayer especially. Sometimes, it can become mundane and cold. But the prayer I witnessed today will be imprinted in my mind at least for a very long time. Because I saw a true longing that came with it. Believers were joining in unison to proclaim the name of Jesus, and lifting up a banner of praise in the streets of NYC! Everyone adopted the same conviction and mentality to pray for the nation. And I was proud to be part of this prayer community. The prayer was expressive and the vision was clear.

One of the pastors said this before we left for the event venue: "We can bring people back by spending time with You". I found this very true. Many times we rack our human brains to figure out evangelistic events or ways to persuade people to join a church or a ministry, but we often forget to seek God first. I hope that God will make me a prayer warrior, and that I'll always maintain this form of communication with Him in the good and the bad.

Wow, it's super late--1 a.m. already!!! Okay gotta stop here cos' tomorrow got classes and I have to be up early to do stuff... Oh no... Shall leave you with this song by Chris Tomlin... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onGbkeWkA64

2008-09-06T23:10:00.003-04:00

Showers in the Big Apple today because of Hanna...

Tropical storm Hanna headed to the US East Coast this Saturday. There were no hurricanes in NYC, just heavy rainfall throughout the evening. Hanna came after Hurricane Gustav, and now the meteorological experts are predicting a new one, Hurricane Ike, to be hitting Florida soon. Can you believe that? Sunny Florida?

The rain was messy and wet and icky. All the news stations were unanimous in their weather forecast for today, but we still moved forward with our plan to check out Fifth Ave. Haha, to our dismay, it was a horrible experience! Though it was a good break from the summer heat...

Rainy days here aren't like those in Singapore. NYC streets aren't as evenly paved as those at home--LTA has done a good job with our roads. There were tons of puddles--real huge ones--that lined up the streets. And if you weren't alert and stood at the sidewalk just by the street, you could get yourself seriously drenched. Vehicles here don't give a hoot. They just speed by real quick despite the risk of skidding on the streets.

Fifth Avenue is famous for its designer stores and boutiques that are sprawled over the whole area. So there wasn't any large mall for us to roam about and wait for the nasty rains to stop pouring. So we walked about in the rain, each carrying our own tiny umbrellas that weren't very helpful. And we didn't have the least idea where different stores were located, so we walked on and on in the rain till we found something that piqued out interest.

We went into Sak's Fifth Avenue--everything in there is way too ostentatious! It is a branded goods haven, so we couldn't afford anything. Then we popped into Abercrombie and Fitch, and there was this half-naked male model clad only in a pair of jeans, who was standing by the door. The store was really dim and music was blasting throughout as though they were trying to create this hip atmosphere! But the clothes were nice; I would probably go back when I feel like spending money. Next stop, we went to Niketown. Ha ha, there were four levels of Nike apparel, which was kinda neat but nothing spectacular. At least the store was spacious and not so cramped like A&F, which seemed like a crowded fraternity house!

Anyway, time for me to create a wish list. To survive the winter and harsh rainfall of NYC, I would probably need these:

1. A pair of rubber boots, Paddington Bear-style to keep my feet dry.

2. A pair of flat and presentable boots to keep my feet warm in winter.

3. A few scarves to protect my neck from the chilly winds.

4. Leather gloves to keep my hands warm in winter.

Autumn is coming soon in a few weeks and I would need these soon. An excuse to go shopping soon!

2008-09-05T21:25:00.005-04:00

I ate a cinnamon scone that rolled on the ground!

Ha ha, how's that for a title? Nope, didn't make it up :) The plastic wrapper holding my cinnamon sugar scone fell out of my palm and onto the ground just outside my building. The next moment, I found myself chasing it like a cat after a mouse as it rolled around the floor. At that point, it didn't seem at all funny. But in retrospect, it was a theatrical sight. And rather hilarious. It was a Thursday afternoon. I was heading back to the apartment, struggling to hold onto everything including my wallet, my lunch, some napkins, and my half-a-cup of UN-hot chocolate (ha ha, that's a different story altogether--my order wasn't even a cinnamon sugar scone!). Just as I turned the key in the lock at the gate, this lady with her 18-month-old in a stroller appeared just behind me. Out of courtesy I tried to hold the door for her. Because I did, I had to rearrange everything in my palms...and then it happened--after I closed the gate. The scone dropped out of my hands, leaving the three of us--me, the mother and her 18-month old daughter--watching helplessly as it did a somersault and a series of forward rolls on the concrete ground just outside my apartment. Strangest thing was, I wasn't very much upset. It would be a lie to say that I wasn't the least bit saddened by its loss. But the thought in my mind was simply: "Who cares? I'll just eat it anyway." And I sure did. The ground seemed rather clean and the 30-second disaster didn't leave any signs of damage or dirt on the scone. So I ate it! :) I'm in New York and food is expensive! Besides, it wasn't so great-tasting anyway, so the little incident didn't ruin any special taste it had. As for the little ordering fiasco...Well, just let me put it this way. The guy who served me was a newbie on his first day of work at this mini cafe which is situated just a few steps away from my apartment building. I asked for a current (as in raisin) scone and he wrapped a cinnamon one for me. I asked for a steamed milk (nope he didn't give me a hot chocolate because he was blur blur), he told me it was out. So I changed my order to a hot chocolate, but being unfamiliar with the machine, he gave me one with three-fifths froth and two-fifths of room-temperature chocolate drink(?) Well, I didn't want to be difficult so I took the cup and added skim milk available at the counter to top it up. I knew it the moment I held the cup though it was covered; it was super light!!

The moral of the story?? I'm sure you can come up with many! I'll leave it up to you. Just wanted to blog about something light-hearted and funny (hopefully it made you smile :)). I've had a hectic week, except for Thursday when I spent the entire day on my Macbook surfing PsycINFO, and trying to derive an earth-breaking research idea (which I did not, of course). Classes have started and I'm getting busier. Ha Ha, busy getting lost like a mouse in a maze in Teachers College (actually that's a wrong metaphor to use cos' mice always seem to get out real quick because of the biological GPS system programmed in their seemingly tiny brain matter). This happened to me twice today. On the second time, my friends and I were extremely near the destination, but we derailed and ended up elsewhere only to find no one in the seminar room because the class was actually somewhere else...that was my fault, I gave them the wrong classroom (technically, I wasn't the culprit bringing us on the unneeded tour five minutes before the seminar!). The four of us who got lost together--one African American babe, half-Mexican dude, extremely tall British stud, and me, the stereotypically-petite Asian girl--should start a FB group: "If you ever got lost in TC during your first semester or still do"

What else can I update you about? School's busy and I've been pity-partying again. Citibank drove me crazy today. I was sent on a wild goose hunt because I had problems with my bank account and my tuition fees were due today! Not going to gripe about it over here. But for those of you who aren't so crazy about Singapore and are dying to get out, be prepared for less-than-efficient services overseas. We do have high service quality standards in Singapore u'know. So appreciate it. Amidst the pity-partying, there was learned helplessness. I changed my stance midway through the craziness. I prayed, "Lord, if this is going to mold me and make a stronger, fitter and better person, please give me more trials and problems." Ha ha, call it resignation, but it just makes sense to me. Why bother myself with frustration when it doesn't help? I just formulated a theory (which I haven't tested out of course; just pure speculation now). If Prof Barbara Fredrickson from U Michigan theorized that positive emotions broaden your mind intellectually and named this the "Broadening and Building" theory, then I could come up with something complementary to her theory and name it the "Constricting and Corroding" theory.

Negative emotions like self-pity constrict and corrode intellectual thought. They erode mental resources and narrow the span of solutions one can derive. An overwhelming dose of negative emotion reduces one's rationality.

How's that for a theory? Ha ha, the editors of JPSP probably won't buy that! Hee, now is N = 1. Wait till I design an experiment. Please don't take it for real now. I just came up with it. Maybe others have done it so take their word instead of mine.

That's it folks! Gotta do my work and ace the courses! God bless.

2008-09-01T11:29:00.006-04:00

Oh Beautiful Sunday!

I ought to blog about yesterday simply because I felt great about it. And simply because it felt great to go to church and worship the Lord! And also because I experienced something which I haven't felt in a long while--productivity.

We went to Times Square Church in the morning. The church had bought over this old and intricately-designed but well-kept theatre off Broadway (at least it didn't have any musty smell and the seats were not Hole-y!), and converted it into a sanctuary for believers from different denominations to come and worship the Lord. There were throngs of people streaming into the church. Apparently, the church, located in the heart of Manhattan (Duh! The name of the church explains itself yah), is home to approximately 8000 members. There were people from different ethnic groups swarming the church. It was a beautiful sight seeing African Americans, Caucasians, Hispanics and Asians (I hope I didn't leave anyone out) forming this multiracial congregation and praising the Lord in one accord. It was a breath-taking sight!! Perhaps this is what Heaven will be like!

When service started, the curtains were drawn and this massive choir appeared before us. It comprised people of different races, but predominantly Black and Caucasian, with a few Asians among them. For the whole time, the worship leader led while playing the piano. His voice was good, but what amazed me more was his style of singing. Haha, he was African American so it was very gospel and very spontaneous. He would begin each song and the choir would just join him once he gave the cue. And the way he sang certain songs (and my, they were really old songs; 1990s, 1960s, 1950s and one from 18th century!)....woah!!! I wish I could describe it but you really have to experience it for yourself. Like the song "Righteousness, Peace and Joy" from Integrity music, he began singing it very playfully and out-of-sync with the original melody but it sounded entertaining and mellifluous. I liked it! And for many songs, they just went on and on repeating the choruses in a way that didn't sound at all draggy. You would feel the music just rising up within you and you would end up singing with more and more gusto. I really enjoyed myself. I could just sway, dance and clap. It was really joyful worship!

Haha I could go on and on about worship but I shan't. You really need to be there to fully comprehend and experience what I'm getting at. Some of you are probably very envious right now...heh. I hope to join the choir in the near future and sing Black gospel style. That'll be so cool and I'll be so glad! As for the rest of the service, the Senior Pastor gave a sermon on "Pentecost went outside" (you can find it at this website: http://www.tscnyc.org/sermons.php?hl=1094). He spoke about how our practice of Christianity should model that which transpired 2000 years ago during Pentecost when spirit-filled people just took to the streets prophesying and speaking about Jesus. In essence, he was encouraging believers to allow their lives to be a living testimony of the Word of God, and not to be closet Christians.

After service, we met up with someone to buy stuff, and to me it was pleasant. It is nice being in the company of someone else rather than simply the two of us all the time. After shopping, we parted ways with our friend, and walked down 50 streets!!! Ha ha we just walked and walked and walked. Halfway we stopped to grab a bite...then we continued. And then we thought, maybe I should get some shoes. So we walked down Broadway and found a couple of shoe stores. I settled on a pair from Aldo, a good pair of walking shoes which cost me USD 70. I think it was a good buy (or at least it serves me well to think that way since I spent that amount on it, which is not too bad actually...heh, I'm doing the self assurance thing again). And before you know it, we were approximately 20 streets from campus? And so, we thought we'll just walk all the way back. Hee that's how we ended up walking 50 over streets...the weather here is fine for walking though it can get a little hot because of the sun. And there are so many stores, you can just pop in to check out stuff you need. Or you can just go into any Starbucks along the way to have a cuppa--every couple of streets there will be one!!! They have even more outlets along Broadway than McDonald's has. It finally dawned upon me why everyone walking in the streets wore flats. I was wearing a pair of heels before I bought that pair of shoes from Aldo! What was I thinking??!!

That night, we met up with one of Rachel's ex-interns at her workplace, Ted, for dinner--a fellow Singaporean studying in Columbia. Again, it was nice being in the company of another, especially someone you feel totally comfortable with speaking your own native accent. We had Cuban food at this place called Havanna Central. After the usual introductions, our conversation revolved around New York culture, Americans, and heh the food places around Columbia, those worth trying and those that you wouldn't want to spend your money on. After dinner, the three of us walked down Broadway for a while before we went back to our apartments. And then I went back to my room to skype with my parents.

Orientation starts tomorrow!!! And classes start this week. I'm looking forward to studying again and hopefully doing some research soon. And meeting new people!!! Hopefully I will step out and not be a social hermit. Haha, took the MBTI personality test and realized I've become an "I" (Introvert), and have relinquished my "E" (Extravert) self from almost a decade ago. Last time I did that test was probably before or during 1998!

2008-08-30T18:11:00.005-04:00

Laundry virgin no more!!!

~Idiots-guide to doing your laundry in America~

Today, I did my laundry for the first time here in NYC. I felt like a fish out of water! For your info, Americans do their laundry very differently from how Singaporeans do. For one, they don't hang their clothes out to dry like how Heartlanders in Singapore do by hanging them on bamboo poles stuck through little pods outside their HDB windows. Americans dry their clothes and fabrics using huge dryer machines in a laundry room. Okay, let me backtrack a little. I'm sure some of you are familiar with how they do laundry here, but for the benefit of those who don't, please be patient while I explain the process.

Firstly, you gather all your clothes in a laundry hamper that looks like this (hee, this is mine...super bo liao of me to snap a photo of it):

Alternatively, you can put them in a laundry bag that resembles one of those drawstring nylon bags. According to Mrs Shin, my landlady, the laundry hampers are very popular here. Some of them I found in the store have sorters (basically different compartments) for you to put your whites, colors, delicates, etc. separately. Some are more elaborate or made of tougher fabric.

Next, you take your laundry to a laundry room. Most apartment buildings should have such facilities in their basements. If not, there are public ones, or laundry services available. The basement in my building has a laundry room, and in that room there are several washing machines, dryers, and laundry carts for you to put your laundry bags/hampers in.

You can't use the machines for free; they require some form of payment. At UCLA, where I did my student exchange, I had to slot four quarters (that's 1 US dollar) into the washing machines at my dorm, each time to be able to use them. Back then, I always had to save my quarters (coins approximately the same size as Singapore's 20-cent coin that is equivalent to USD 25-cents) so that I had enough of them to do my laundry. Over here, I use a card with a magnetic strip that can be topped up. And each time I want to use the machine or dryer, I have to slot the card into the card-reader. Each washing cycle costs me USD 1.25, and if you want a super cycle (which I have no idea what the different is!) it costs 50 cents more. Each drying cycle costs 50 cents. If you are obsessive-compulsive about separating whites from colors, and delicates from non-delicates, etc., you might want to put them in different machines, and that means more money!! Looks like I'll be thinking twice about the clothes I buy and wear from now on.

After loading the machine and making your payment, you select the time of washing you want (they have different settings for whites, etc.). And walah! Just wait for close to half an hour for your clothes to be done, come back and load them into the dryer. The dryer has its own settings for the amount of heat you want (i.e. high, medium, and low). It will spin for 15 minutes. And most of the time, your clothes will still be a little damp like how mine were today. You can choose to dry them in the dryer for a longer time or hang them up to dry naturally like how I did cos' I didn't wanna pay additional cost!

Okay, this sounds like a boring thread. Sorry folks, running out of topics I guess. But this was something I found interesting. According to Mrs Shin, Korea is pretty similar to Singapore in that families own their own washing machines and hang out their clothes to dry. Haha, things are really different on this side of the world, even day-to-day washing can be so disparate! I really miss the convenience of using a washing machine in Singapore. Back home, I can just dump my clothes into my washing machine without paying a cent, and hang them to dry on bamboo pools when they're done. And most of all, back home I have my mum!!!! Haha...

There's no moral of the story attached to this posting. At least I can't find one for now. But all I can say is things are real different and it takes a little getting used to. I guess it's fun discovering new things and trying out stuff. And it probably helps me cultivate a form of independence I don't develop in Singapore.

2008-08-28T23:04:00.009-04:00

The painful truth about being a student!

Okay, no prizes for guessing (as usual), but do you know what the most painful truth about being a student is? Well, a student in a foreign land that is. Or rather, a student in a country where things are costlier and the currency is stronger than the one at home. Now now, that's quite a big giveaway.

Ha ha, and yes! Being a full-time student bears the opportunity cost of income forgone. It is especially painful when all you can do is to helplessly observe the income you've saved up by working over the last couple of years deplete and drain away in a matter of months! Okay, that's not exactly my situation because I'm on a PM* scholarship. My savings are stored safely in a POSB account in Singapore, earning a meager amount of interest each year.

Anyway, please don't worry about me. I'm still surviving well. I won't resort to what many Americans who are dependent on unemployment welfare would do (i.e. to beg on the streets). They have stationed themselves at every nook and corner, and they probably compete among themselves for space! I'm fortunate that I don't have to buy many things for my room because I'm living in an apartment that is pretty well-furnished. I really didn't expect a television, a mini-fridge, and even a DVD player in my room! Some students end up with bare rooms or furniture that don't seem very clean or well-kept.

The pain sets in when you need to spend money on daily and monthly expenses like food, toiletries, cell phone bills, rent, etc. These are much more expensive than what you get at home. There are no hawker centers and food courts here in NYC. All you can do is exercise prudence in your expenditure and befriend someone local or a senior from school who can tell you where to get cheap stuff. There are means to buy things at more affordable rates. Cook when you can and separate a portion of food you get at a restaurant for takeaway so you can eat it for your next meal at home. And oh yes, settle for less exclusive brands. I know this is painful for those of us who are more brand-conscious, and tricky for those of us who rely on prices to get a sense of product quality.

Buying household items and eating out the past few days has been a learning experience. I've learnt a little on what is considered expensive over here and what I can do to reduce my expenses. Thank God for the PM scholarship! Otherwise, this course would have remained a figment of my imagination. Even if I did have a stipend, going by the market rate that psychology doctoral students get in the US (approximately USD 700, and that's if you get into a good school that pays you one), it's going to be extremely insufficient. It won't even cover my current rent!

NYC is expensive and it's worse when you aren't earning over here. Although it is easy to envy my peers who are being paid and are climbing the corporate ladder in Singapore, I (and I really do speak for me only) like my life better! My future is a mystery to me right now, and it was worrying at first. But I revel in the suspense building up to an almost certain future that is orchestrated by God. It is also the same uncertainty that drives me to cling on tighter to Him. I'm glad I'm leading an adventurous life; I'm exploring new sights and experimenting with new cultures. It's tough but it's fun. Hope the surprise at the end of my journey will be a great one!!

*Ah yes, PM scholarship stands for Papa Mama Scholarship! :)

Lord, help me to do great things as though they were little,

Since I do them in Your power.

And help me to do little things as though they were great,

Since I do them in Your name.

2008-08-27T21:41:00.005-04:00

Life in NYC through sunflower lenses

Realized I haven't been blogging much about life here and what I've been busy with so far. Well, maybe except for the part about buying stuff, which you probably would have gathered from my account of the bad experience I had with the fan.

Basically, I've been busy with many many administrative procedures. Getting prepared for school is no easy feat, especially since you've left school, like I have, for a while. In the past few days, I had to set up a new bank account, purchase a cell phone plan, check in at the Office of International Services, get my TC ID card done, register for modules, activate my email account, etc. And so many new numbers and passwords to remember!!! It's like starting a whole new life altogether--guess this is what people go through when they emigrate as well. My NRIC no. means nothing over here. All I have is a student ID which functions like a Social Security no. Getting all these things done also mean me having to navigate my way through the labyrinthine walkways and multiple buildings on campus. We've also been doing a whole lot of walking down Broadway to get the stuff we need, and finding places to eat. So much walking has really taken a toil on my lower back (Remember that time when I hurt my back because of the "over-shopping" in HK? Yep, that dreadful pain is back!) One can only survive here with a good pair of walking shoes. They walk a lot here in New York!

There are some cool stuff, of course. Columbia has been bustling with activity for the past few days. Scores of freshies have been swarming the campus. People are moving into dorms with mini refrigerators, computers, pillows, etc (so Legally Blonde!). Orientation programs are going on, so you see people forming circles on lawns around campus, tours going on around the buildings, queues of students forming at the Citibank branch on campus, and people carrying plastic bags from the Columbia bookstore. Speaking of the campus store, it is really neat (heh, I'm beginning to speak their lingo). They sell all kinds of Columbia merchandize like apparels (hoodies!!), mugs, car plates and decals, etc., household items like the water purifier I got, and books from Barnes & Nobles. We got us some T-shirts yesterday (among them is a Polo Ralph t-shirt with the word, Columbia, embroidered on it!). Haha, students here have so much pride in their school and I'm not the least surprised ;)

The Orientation programs here are pretty cool too. Apart from social events like ice-cream meetings where people network and make new friends, student volunteers (otherwise known as peer advisors or mentors) organize trips to stores like IKEA and Target for new students to get household items, visits to museums, and trips to watch performances, etc. I didn't go for all but chose those that I was interested in. Besides orientation, there are student activities like trips to watch a Yankees game, $1 movie events, etc. planned throughout the semester, and the fitness center has classes such as yoga and tennis that students can sign up for a fee. Sorry NUS, but the American unis really sound more fun and more creative at sprucing up a boring academic life!

Here are three things I've learnt about NYC (at least the part where I've been):

1. New Yorkers love dogs! Almost everyone owns at least one dog or more, and dogs are everywhere--in the stores, outside restaurants, at the park, everywhere! They walk their dogs a lot! According to some stats I found off the net, there are over 1.4 million dogs and over 500,000 dog owners in NYC itself. My landlady also owns a dog. It is so tamed and super friendly!

2. New Yorkers walk a lot! I think I mentioned it above. But really, people here love to loiter! And there are people who love to stand around on sidewalks, just doing nothing (unless you count people-gazing as doing something). Well, guess the weather's much more conducive than it is in Singapore. You see people lying on grass patches in NYC during summer! Maybe that's why people prefer to stay indoors in Singapore (except maybe at Little India and also HDB void decks at night) even if they have nothing to do.

3. New Yorkers eat huge portions! Think this may not be anything new to you, but I have definitely witnessed and experienced this myself. The portions here are enormous! I'm slowly learning how to order food here so I don't end up having to buy 2 dress sizes up by the time I leave this country (or even worse, my next trip back to Singapore!). There are so may eateries around; you just can't escape the onslaught of temptation. And there are really many obese people in NYC (that can take up 2 seats on the subway and on the planes). No wonder obesity is a major crisis in this country!!

More in the next posting. Ciao!

2008-08-26T07:41:00.007-04:00

Recovering my Singaporean roots in NYC...

Little did I know that I would revert to my Singaporean ways here. It was quick and instinctive. You must be wondering what I'm referring to. Well, just to give you a blatant hint, I almost wanted to entitle this posting "Forgive me for whining; I am but only human!"

It seems insanely human but ironic that I whine about Singapore and sing praises about the US when I am back home in the humidity and unbearable heat, and yet when I move to the US, my vision narrows only to zero in on the efficiencies and good of Singapore and the flaws and not-so-ideal of NYC. "The grass is always greener on the other side" does seem to have a hold on me.

Well, it was a gradual reconciliation process I had with my whining ways since I touched down in New York. At the start, zeal and gratitude saturated my mind. It took a huge turn on Sunday night. That was the first night since we came that we stayed out later than usual. We were heading back toward campus at around 9 p.m. after a play at Central Park, and decided to get something to eat before we went back to our respective apartments. Trust me, walking in the streets of NYC at night is an eye-opener for the typical Singaporean (which I am, of course). Once in a while, we heard the blasts of a siren belonging to either a police car, ambulance or fire engine. Most of what we saw that night were mainly ambulances I think. Along the journey, there were people loitering around, homeless people lying outside churches, a few people from a certain group standing at the corner of streets...it was kinda creepy. There are many people in NYC that towered over us in terms of height, and outweighed us in terms of width, u' know. Thank God we made it home safe and sound--if not I won't be blogging now right?

It just isn't as safe here as it is in Singapore, I guess. Some of the people in the streets LOOK pretty dangerous, and it gets especially scary when they walk by you or ask you for donations. It's also especially chilling when you hear people near you raising their voices as though anytime soon a brawl would break out (believe me, this has happened a few times in the daytime since I came). Haha but anyway just to assure you, Columbia area is pretty alright. Security within and outside of campus is kinda tight. In fact, a survey by U Penn revealed that it is actually the safest CITY campus in the country. We heard this during a talk by the public safety department during orientation. They presented all their safety precautions and measures, but also sent the message that we are responsible for own personal welfare and safety. Apparently, one in four women in college are victims of attempted rape or rape itself. Such a scary statistic!

Okay, more serious whining came on Monday when I had to return the fan that finally collapsed on me. Fine. It wasn't as safe as it looked. On Saturday morning it fell and made a loud thump just as I was preparing to go out. But it wasn't my fixing that was lousy, it was a defect in the make of the fan. Oh well, I decided to bring it back to the store to negotiate for a return or exchange (as most Americans would frequently do--heard it is in their culture to return things within 7 days). The store was located between 105th and 106th Street, and my apartment is somewhere near 120-something. Walking close to 20 streets down Broadway is no laughing matter if you are carrying a standing fan (in a box, of course) and your back has been aching for the past few days! Anyway, I did it. I walked down Broadway in a leisurely pace to create less pressure on my lower back. When I got to the store, the storeowner graciously allowed me to exchange for a new fan (heh, after a little wheedling). Unfortunately, there weren't many to choose from. So I ended up picking a smaller one (which I found a little too tiny) and having to pay an additional 10 USD for it. Sighz. That was the best option for me then. Anyway, by God's grace, everything paid off. I didn't have to assemble the fan on my own, and it is now working very well in my room. Phew! However, I felt disgusted by myself when I finally reached my apartment with the fan in my hands. The whole time I was walking back, I was complaining profusely in my mind and throwing myself a little pity party...

Haha the next big party came soon later though. Guess whiny me had inadequate conviction. We stopped by this seemingly Jap eatery for dinner yesterday on our way back from getting our cell phones done (got a new number from AT&T!) I guess we were deceived by the outward appearances of the restaurant. We assumed they served authentic Jap food of a certain standard. However, when the sushi came, we gained new revelation. Never be fooled by the looks of a restaurant! The seaweed in the sushi was tough, the raw salmon in it wasn't as fresh as it should be, and the rolls were out of shape. The Udon came in a huge bowl with tempura prawns (or rather battered HALF-prawns--they were sliced into 2!) and tempura broccoli(?). I had an enormous portion of rice in my donburi. The rice was nice, just that it wasn't Japanese! It was good CHINESE rice. And the tempura on the rice had sticky, starchy and salty stuff stuck to it (it didn't taste bad but it just wasn't mainstream tempura!). And did I mention that the large mushroom in the bowl of udon had a huge stem attached to it? This should've been removed!

There I go again. Whine, whine, whine. I mean, I could say I was critiquing the food. But I knew in my mind I was complaining. You know how sometimes you just feel this spirit of negativity within you? And I know I was being willful because I did fuss about wasting calories on such lousy food, and blame my wrong selection of food on the restaurant rather on my own bad luck! I think I felt guiltier in this circumstance (even though the food was undeniably non-Japanese and pretty substandard) because there was this young Asian couple sitting beside us. And since the moment we sat down, I heard the guy raving about the food on his table, but we ended up doing the exact opposite. Well, one could argue that he probably wasn't Japanese nor was he a frequent taster of Jap cuisine, and it was his ignorance that deluded him into thinking that the food was great. But I certainly hope we didn't wreck their mood or foil his chances of starting something with that girl (I mean for all you know he could have brought her to this restaurant hoping to impress her!). However, it did come across me that I was being a bad ambassador for Christ. Not that he was tuning in to our conversation all the while he was on a date with this girl, but the table was definitely near enough for them to listen in to what we're saying to each other. Signz, I lost the chance to demonstrate my maturity in this situation...

Anyway, I prayed about it and have sought God for forgiveness. Conviction doesn't come easily but with diligent prayer. There are bound to be hits and misses as I adapt to my new lifestyle here in NYC. I certainly hope that I eventually will relinquish that whiny nature but I know it's going to be hard because humans tend to make comparisons and zoom in on the negatives. I won't be human if I don't have such tendencies yah? However, I do know that God has the power to transform me. Not into someone who thinks the world is a patch of roses and perpetually sees things through rose-tinted lenses, but someone who is an objective observer and assessor of things. I hope I won't miss out on opportunities to show Christ-likeness in similar situations, especially when these are opportunities to glorify the name of the Lord.

Woah, my posting's almost as long as a sermon. Time to halt now. I've got a whole day ahead!

Every blessing You pour out

I turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name.

2008-08-24T07:41:00.011-04:00

Legal alien in New York on F1-status

It's been almost 3 days since I've been here in NYC and I'm slowly adjusting. When I thought I was doing fine however, I came to see some of the streets of NYC. Yesterday, we toured the Village area on foot and later on Chinatown, and were kinda repelled by the smell and sight of the streets. The subway was kinda filthy, as compared to Singapore's MRT of course. I'm sure it has improved over the years, but it certainly has a lot more room for improvement! I guess I'll have to lower my expectations of cleanliness in the city and make peace with the air conditions here. No wonder they sell toilet seat covers in this part of the world! Unfortunately, these are not available in all public places. But I must say, some of the toilets are pretty clean. Haha, American Standard I guess...

Ok, nasty stuff aside, there were some cool sights and sounds (and smells? Not really). There were lots of eateries and nice colonial buildings. Remnants of Dutch, English and German cultures were evident in the Village area. I was really amazed by the diversity of cultures all co-located in one place. There were rows of Japanese and Italian eateries. And cafes were all over the place, very much like our Holland-V, Alfresco style in Singapore. The guide, Arthur, who brought us around the area, was an elderly gentlemen in his seventies. He was really fit and energetic for his age. And his knowledge of the area was remarkable. His memory was so excellent; I doubt he'll ever be at risk for Alzheimer's! He furnished his introductions with song by breaking out into a little tune once in a while, in an abrupt but natural and entertaining fashion.

Anyway, I think I'll take a while to get used to NYC. I really wanna love this place cos' I'll be residing here for the next few years! By God's grace, I just happened to begin reading the Book of Daniel for my QT, and had found so much wisdom that is really relevant to me right now. Isn't it amazing that the bible is still relevant today after so many eons?! Daniel first described his adjustment to Babylon when he was sent there as part of a program to get the elite crop from Israel to serve the Babylonian Empire. In Babylon, Daniel had to learn all about the new culture. Nonetheless, while doing so, he chose to maintain his steadfast allegiance to God, and God grant Him skills and wisdom. It is important to clarify that God does not oppose culture, but He certainly is displeased by cultural practices that go against His Word. Wise-old Daniel was able to learn what was necessary in the new place without compromising God's laws.

So what are the keys for Daniel's success? How can Christians survive in a foreign culture? And what am I going to attempt to do? Here are my strategies (as cited in my most valued Life Application Study Bible):

1. Learn about the culture--be open!

2. Strive for excellence in my work--and hopefully achieve success!

3. Serve the people around me and those in a church.

4. Pray diligently for God's help and intervention.

5. Maintain my integrity--this is vital.

I'm really looking forward to Chapter 2 of Daniel and Chapter 3, the one with the miracle of the burning furnace where they all come out alive and the son of man is seen in it!

Ciao!

2008-08-22T22:50:00.009-04:00

The Irresistible Allure of the City

Wow, the weather here is a lot warmer than I thought. It is still summer and I kinda regret not bringing more summer clothes. Anyways, I've given my blog a new facelift. Thought it was only befitting of the huge move. So thoughtful me decided to include some new gadgets on my blog: 2 clocks indicating NYC time and Sing time, as well as a weather forecast widget to keep everyone informed about the weather in NYC...:)

NYC does seem fascinating--the sights and sounds. I am quite far from the action though. My apartment is situated on 3XXX Broadway, located near 123rd street Upper Manhattan. The action is further down between 42nd and 47th Street where Times Square is. But I terribly near Teachers College or TC where Columbia University is. Hee, I can get to school in an 8-min walk. Saves me a lot on transport fees!

The excitement of moving to NYC was actually transitory. The irresistible allure faded away and then came frustration when it was time to lug my terribly heavy baggages to the apartment and when I had to go out, buy stuff, and lug them back on foot. There were also feelings of anxiety about living with strangers, not being able to move comfortably around the house as before, walking in the streets (with some occasional precarious situations with people getting upset with each other), and having to settle so many administrative procedures and stuff like getting a new phone line and opening up a new bank account. Yucks!

On the bright side, I wasn't going through this alone. The lonely sunflower isn't that lonely after all! But the confidence attached to a line I articulated to my traveling companion earlier on was indeed waning. I said this: "Stepping out of your comfort zone enlarges your zone". This obviously made sense but it definitely did not reveal the mental strength to be wielded in such an endeavor. In such circumstances, I find myself having to go back to God to seek His mercy and grace, that He will make the transition less painful, effortful and distressing.

One who can't bring himself to step out will miss out on opportunities to enjoy greater things I guess. The current toil makes me wonder why I decided to make the step in the first place. Nonetheless, I have to gather my courage for now and believe that I'll adapt and enjoy that comfort I used to take for granted once again. Here are some pix of my new room! My landlord painted a fresh coat of apple green paint for the walls.

View when you look into the room: window, fridge, desk, TV, DVD player, etc.

Opposite view: book shelf, bed, bedside table (hidden) closet with mirror, etc.

Cabinets with drawers for clothes and stuff. Notice board and calendar.

Inside the closet where I keep my jackets, shirts, and luggage.

And yes, the self-assembled fan that looks as though it would collapse anytime.

Note to my mum who may be worried by the picture of the tilting fan: It seems more steady than it looks.

2008-08-17T12:32:00.008-04:00

A Parting Note...

Nope, "The Lonely Sunflower" ain't gonna close down (if you happen to be kinda worried by the title above). She's just going to be uprooted and replanted in a cooler and greener pasture where new opportunities abound. It's a difficult move but it's a necessary step for greater things to happen for the sunflower that has grown so accustomed to the warmth she's surrounded by amongst her beloved family and friends both new and old. It's time for her to enliven and adorn a brand new environment with her bright yellow petals!

For those of you who didn't know. I'll be moving to New York City this Wed. I recall that five years back when I first visited NYC, it was love at first sight! But I did reckon that I didn't want to be living there long-term because the city is generally overcrowded and densely populated, and I didn't appreciate the hustle and bustle that came along with it. Who would have thought yah? My fourth visit would be a protracted 5-year period (at the very least)!

The reality just struck me yesterday when I visited my old house off Ewart Park. I was driving solo in my Chevy with a CD of Zhang Dong Liang crooning some sappy mandopop songs playing in my car stereo system. The atmosphere was intensified by the light drizzle and grey skies. I was cruising down Holland Road, when I decided on the spur of the moment to pop by the place for a final visit before I leave. The sights along the way were so familiar to me; it seemed as though I had never uprooted from that location. But as I reached the house, I realized that the gate had been repainted from black to brown, the fences had been given a fresh coat of paint, and the plants in the garden had been removed. The sight sparked a feeling of affection mixed with a tinge of detachment. At this time, the mood was really accentuated by the schmaltzy tune playing in the background.

I felt a sense of loss and thought to myself whether things would change by the time I came back--that may be 5 years later, 8 years later, or even a decade later. Would my old house still be around? Would my parents still be living at the Hillside? Would my friends remember me? Would our bonds withstand the length of time and the absence of physical contact? By then Orchard Road would have experienced a facelift and the two IRs would be up and running. The now-youths in DR would have all grown up and some would be dating, some would be working, some would be studying in uni, and (I pray) many would be serving the Lord and shining for Him in their respective places in life.

As for me, hopefully I'd be accomplished. Married? Yep, hopefully. Perhaps serving in some church in Manhattan...a CD recording? I was also reminded of the fact that if I do eventually get to start a family in the next few years in the States, this move to NYC would represent an even more major transition in my life where I leave my parents' nest and strike my own independence. Oh, this thought just kills me! I don't wanna grow up so soon. I like living with mummy and daddy. I want them to remain young forever. I want me to remain young forever!

Goodbye Singapore! Though I lament my life over here from time-to-time and criticize the way certain things are done here and how the culture kinda disappoints me occasionally, it is still my home. Nope, this is not some National Day message although it seems appropriate for the occasion. It's just a parting note to something that has been familiar and close to me for the past 25 years of my life (my birthday's not here yet so please give me a one-year allowance yah!). In Psychology 101, we learn about the phenomenon of "Imprinting". Accordingly, studies involving goslings had previously shown how they form an attachment to the first moving stimulus (usually the mother goose) that they set their eyes on during a critical period after they are born. This is how most of us learn who our parents are when we are babies. Similarly, just as how I've formed a bond with my parents because I recognized them and followed them since birth, I've grown to acknowledge Singapore as something important to me. I will miss the familiarity I have to it--the sights and sounds, the food and places, the peculiarities and uniqueness. Goodbye Orchard Road, goodbye Bukit Batok, goodbye ba chor mee....

The next time I blog it would be "Hello, New York!" I hope I'll like it. It will make the move an easier one. But for now, it's "So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu!"

2008-08-08T06:16:00.002-04:00

Lead me to the cross

Beautiful song, though melancholic-sounding

"Rid me of myself...I belong to You"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdq9Q8wJdjc

2008-08-06T22:51:00.002-04:00

Macro policy paired with micro perspectives

Got into a short conversation with my mum this morning over the recent hoo-ha by stay-home mothers in the Straits Times. Was considering whether I should attempt to submit a letter to the forum but am kinda lazy to write in proper structured sentences so I shall just air my views here in my humble blog to satisfy my need to express my thoughts. Furthermore, I needn't worry about people sending responses that disagree with me to the forum--haha, such a need for self-validation!

So here's the point of contention. The recently-announced Baby Bonus does not include stay-home mums. This entails that Singaporean mums who resign from the workplace to take care of their children and household matters are not entitled to Baby Bonus from the Singapore government. Obviously, some will cry foul to that. Who's to say that they don't work equally hard as their working counterparts? Some stay-home mums have wrote in to share their side of the story--their intentions, their struggles and how they have to cope with these.

Talking to my mum about this matter resurrected stories of past events that were unknown to me. She shared how she had to face similar working-mum struggles when I was born. When my elder sister was born, she could leave her with my grandma. But that wasn't the case for me. It was only later on when she found a suitable nanny to take care of me that things got better. She related a stressful 3-month period she had to survive: Going to work, picking up the kids after work, cooking dinner, cleaning up, washing nappies (no pampers then---I'm that old!), putting us to bed, and then finally getting to rest. And even when domestic help was available later on when we hired a maid, my mum had to save her leave days so that she could be a stay-home mum while my maid was allowed some leave to go home to the Philippines. And that wasn't easy either. If you are wondering where my dad is, he had to work late most of the time. Both of my parents had to work because they had to pay housing loans and other stuff.

Wow, I really applaud my mum. And of course, my dad. He worked hard too. But hearing all the difficulties mums have to face (here in Singapore and I presume elsewhere) makes me wonder whether the government can do more (won't want to question whether they are doing enough). Sure, the baby bonus sounds like a huge incentive for couples to do their part to contribute to the population growth of this nation. We need more babies to "replace" the baby boomers so we give people rewards (or minimize their financial burdens) so that they will pro-create. It's all about national policy. Nothing wrong really... To me, it just sounds sounds so strategic and goal-oriented, almost lacking an empathy.

My thought is that Singaporean parents don't just need a good sum of money and a certain number of leave days to care for their kids. They need support all the way. I believe that Singaporean parents are responsible parents that want quality and well-rounded care and education for their kids. That's why mothers are willing to forgo their careers to stay at home. But others have no choice but to work because they need dual-income to maintain the household. Parents may worry about whether they can be "good parents", whether they can send them for enrichment classes like ballet, swimming, foundation courses, and all sorts. The competitive nature of our society has given birth to a generation of parents who wants to provide the best for their kids. This really tires them out and drains them of their finances. Their desire to provide proper upbringing for their children should also be considered as a form of contribution to nation-building. Ultimately, we wouldn't want to have a generation of latch-key kids that end up becoming ill-bred juvenile delinquents because they don't get quality parenting. These expectations whether self-imposed or imposed by society need to be managed. Parents don't just need Baby Bonuses and extra leave days, they need to know how to be good parents without overdoing it and neglecting their own psychological well-being. I believe many parents simply sell themselves to their work and kids and forget about their own respite and even marriage.

I'm happy that the government seems to be gathering feedback about factors that are holding parents back from pro-creating. This allows them an avenue to share their struggles and hopefully their needs can be met by the government, NGOs, community services, and religious groups. My take is that macro policies should be paired with micro perspectives, with the latter revolving around the needs of different groups of people in society. Having a compassionate leadership that seeks to empathize (and of course, also to extend some form of practical help) is important. I'm sure new mums go through a lot of dilemmas (e.g., "Should I have my second child right after my first one so that I can continue my career after that?", "But will having two children, one after the other, be too tough to manage?"), and they require a lot of support. Workplace policies need to work in tandem with government policies. A supportive culture should be fostered in society.

2008-08-02T11:25:00.003-04:00

The last straw...

You must be thinking that this gal is on a roll. Fancy posting so many blog entries in the span of this week. Well, I guess I would say I'm inspired or rather I've been mulling over many many deep issues these days. Actually, let me correct that. I ponder over deep issues all the time but these days my emotions have just been running. It is after all the time of the month (Whoa! that's way too much info, yah!). You know, they say that people are the most creative when emotions run high. Perhaps that's the reason why I used to become especially sharp about the tiniest of details whenever I got into a lovers spat. Think Beethoven who composed and Van Gogh who created exceptional art pieces in their melancholic states. At the other end of the spectrum, research has also demonstrated a positive relationship between subjective well-being (or simply happiness) and creativity.

The other reason? Guess it's probably because my days in Singapore are numbered and I've been meeting up with friends and chatting about issues that are more than surface-level. Enjoying some fellowship has made me spiritually charged as well. So I just feel so motivated to blog.

So what is the motivation behind the current entry? "The last straw"? Is it some secret code or something? Some inspirational, illustrative tale about drinking straws? Well, not exactly. Though I'm sure some of you will certainly catch it straightaway. On the other hand, those people whom I believe will know what I'm referring to may not tune in to my humble blog (Shame on you! :)) Ok 'nuff said. I'm just going in circles and confusing you. According to thefreedictionary.com, the last straw is "the last in a series of unpleasant events which finally makes you feel that you cannot continue to accept a bad situation". It comes from an Arabic story, where a camel was loaded with straw until a single straw placed on the rest of the load broke its back. So I'm now facing my last straw in relation to something (technically, I had faced it and moved on already but there were somethings that remained undone).

I'm a man on a mission tomorrow (when I say "man", it really means "woman" k? "Man on a mission" just sounds more catchy!). I've faced my last straw and I'm going to act on it. That means speaking face-to-face with someone. And that's really hard. Have you been in a situation like that? Where you know you need to let someone know something and you know it's definitely not what the other party wants to hear? It really takes a lot of courage and a lot of effort on my part because I'm definitely not one who likes to break the bad news or be the "bad guy". In fact, I failed my mission last week. I was not prepared and I set myself up for failure (subconsciously I guess cos' I really didn't want to be in that position at that point in time). How I wish I could choose the easy way out and not do it. But I have to. I have resolved to do so. I have promised myself and I really hope that you will pray for me that I will do it with God's wisdom. Though I'm pretty sure some of you won't read this in time. How I wish I could just blog it and leave it aside. But some things still need to work the old-fashioned way. Face-to-face communication is simply necessary to eradicate all ambiguity and miscomms. Besides, people can just choose not to read or ignore what you send them, be it an sms or an email, needless-to-say, a blog entry.

Anyway, a stream of possible scripts has been flooding my mind. Obviously, if you were in a situation you would be thinking of how you want to breach the topic, or how you are going to conjure smart answers and retorts to quick challenges posed by the other party once you present your case. Well, this is starting to sound like a battle or conflict. I'm not seeking to defeat the person. In fact, I'll experience the victory when I manage to overcome my own reservations and be honest with the person in an objective manner. That's my goal. It seems so distal now cos' I'm still trembling in my pants! But I want to do this! Not only for myself but because of the wavering glimmer of hope that something could spark and be revived.

I don't know how many of you can identify with what I've just described or part of what I've just described. As I drew inspiration to post this entry, I began to think back on why I even started this blog. Of course, a huge part is written in the column to the right, on how I want to blog about God and my life lessons. But the real trigger then was the dissatisfaction of keeping everything bottled up inside me about a "last straw" I was experiencing at that stage of my life. I felt so repressed and the only way was to release it out. And what better way than to keep a public diary that you secretly wished for that someone, whom you want to convey all those repressed feelings to, whom you hope could understand all that you are going through, to read? I'm sure some of you know what I'm saying or empathize with me to a disturbingly large extent, don't ya? :)

Well, I think as most of you in your rational minds would expect, things didn't work out as I subconsciously planned. In fact, it got worse. I guess when you post only one side of the story online, and don't give the other party a chance to explain him or herself, the other party's going to get really mad and upset. It puts the person in bad light. Maybe that's why bloggers are getting into spats nowadays. So those of you thinking of using or are using this tactic, it won't work to your advantage!! Looking back I feel quite stupid about it. I can't even bear to look back at my first few blog entries. It's rather embarrassing...(for those interested to know, please feel free to check them out :))

So tomorrow I'm going to do what I set out to do. I'll be praying about it but ultimately I know I've got nothing to lose. Well, maybe a little pride lost or some discomfort or awkwardness felt. If it's got to be done, so be it... I keep thinking about Ezekiel lately cos' I've been reading the book of Ezekiel. He was God's chosen prophet to extend the last warning of repentance to the Israelites when they were exiled to Babylon as part of their punishment for engaging in idolatry and other sinful practices. God warned him of the crowd he was going to speak to--a people whose hearts have hardened and grown cold. But nevertheless, God commissioned him to speak to them and prophesy to them, and even provided him the means to seem convincing in his message (it's real interesting how God worked, go check it out if you're interested). I'm not so presumptuous as to say that I'm an Ezekiel. But if it's indeed in God's will for me to do so then I guess things will work out or even if it doesn't, at least I would have responded based on my final straw and made my stand clear. I'm definitely not a martyr cos' I'm usually the yes-man who doesn't speak against the flow. Perhaps I just paying my dues now and I don't wanna have regrets at the end of the day.

Feeling repressed? (Sound like a Depression advert :)) Have things you want to say to someone and you know it could potentially turn things around or improve things? If that's you then maybe it's time to consider whether you should or not. And if you believe in God, pray about it. Amen.

2008-07-31T12:35:00.006-04:00

WHOA! What's DISNEY doin' to kids these days?!

Beware: The following thread may sound a little gossipy and angry heh (Just allow me this once yah?)

Again, something I wanted to post a while back. Was aghast and horrified last week by something I viewed online. Okay, I did not chance upon a sexy, raunchy website--for those of you who are letting your thoughts do wild in all directions. I know my nick is SC (I'm not going to say what it means. Some of you are definitely know).

I was really bored one night. I was so bored that I was driven to surf CNN's website--I'm not as intellectual as I seem; I don't read scholarly journals and TIME mag for leisure (: So I started viewing a string of videos and it was kinda like a loop. So there was this video that came on entitled "Too Sexy, Too Soon" that caught my attention, of course. I mean, truly in this day and age, sex sells. Perhaps (in general, no implication that these represent my thoughts) repressed thoughts expressed aloud seem to generate more attention. Sounds Freudian huh.

This video made my hair stand and sent chills down my spine cos' I was taken aback at what appeared to be rather distasteful advertisements, when they presented poster ads of the popular hit series "Gossip Girl" in the clip. The ads were sexually explicit, provocative, and absolutely parent-repelling/revolting (whatever...). Immediately, it struck me that some of the teens in my youth group were watching this program. Whoa!!

According to the CNN presenter, the producers of "Gossip Girl" defended their deed, stating that the show targets a television audience of mature, young adults and mainly women in their 30s. However, TV stats show that the bulk of people religiously tuning in to "Gossip Girl" were in fact adolescents. Unethical? Licentious? Unconscionable? Debase? Unscrupulous? Improper? Hmmph! Just venting...but that's Hollywood for you.

Well, the fault's not totally on them I guess--I must be fair. Society has progressed (or degenerated rather). Debauchery, promiscuity, pervasion, vice, etc. are promoted on all fronts. Forgive me if I sound like a straitlaced, prissy and prudish doctrinaire ( I love using all my GRE words! Never get to use them in scholarly articles and you wonder why they make you master these words?!). I'm not going to do the final judgment but it's just kinda scary cos' we are human and we are not entirely impervious or immune to attacks from all sides and corners.

Another headliner stealer is Hollywood sweetheart turned Hannah Montana Monster, Miley Cyrus. She's the new addition to disney darlings gone wild (of course, the most distinct one being Britney Spears). Talks are flying about the young lady leaving the hit series. Everyone in the entertainment scene is now debating whether Hollywood has been pushing young starlets to fill the role of sexy sex sirens too soon. There is some truth to it I suppose. It's to do mostly with the pervasive culture and profiteering mindset in the entertainment industry. But that's not to say that what TV portrays has a huge dose of reality in it, and even have it exaggerated manifold for dramatic effect, thus perpetuating such images and lifestyles. And hence, spawning a vicious cycle that spirals exponentially.

Not defending Hollywood but also accountable for Miley's plight could be her parents. Newfound fame and accompanying power can always stir irrationality. Be it encouraging her to be fully initiated into the unhealthy Hollywood lifestyle, or being negligent in reining her in and protecting her from the unwholesomeness., I believe they are to a large extent responsible for her situation. Come on, would you allow your fifteen-year-old to pose nude (okay, semi-nude, with only a cloth over her frontal body) on Vanity Fair?! And the suggestive scene between she and her dad...hmm...I'm not going to think of me doing it. Okay, maybe I'm like everyone else who is reading too much into that particular sight.

Anyway, there's no way to stop teens from watching and learning vicariously from such shows. Nor is it going to help you score points with your kids for banning then from watching TV. They still need to go out and school ain't going to stop (kids, don't raise your hopes on that and get excited over that possibility; it's nil). They are bound to see adverts and other materials online; they are certain to discuss related issues or come across them in school. The best way is to bring your children up in a manner that builds trust and is based on strong principles that you adhere to as a parent. With that relationship, you can steer them on the right track. Young people are definitely curious about sexuality and other stuff, and rather than making it forbidden fruit and taboo, sometimes it's better to lay it out in the open (of course, not allowing them to experiment, but rather educating them about these things--ok educating sounds a little top-down, which may be necessary but more like a sharing of life experiences and beliefs will do). Yikes, I'm going back to the psychology Q&A track...wasn't intending to sound preachy again.

Anyway, everything's not all bad. There are good teen models in Hollywood. Amanda Bynes? Nicky Blonsky (the cute, plump leading lady from Hairspray. She is talented and not the typical emaciated teenage girl)? They could lead the way for many young girls around the world, yah. I like Nicky. She makes me feel that I don't have to be slim to be pretty. Okay not going into a huge discourse on that for now--evolutionary psychology 101, why do males like females of a certain set of body stats.

Okay, enuff said. I have rest my case. My bottomline concern is that teens fall captive to the promotion of negative values. Your parents, teachers, church elders, counselors, etc. aren't going to be there all the time, so young people, you gotta make decisions independently increasingly as you grow older. So get the flak or be criticized like Miley for such demeanor? Well, that's punishment by society. Or allow your conscience, beliefs, God to lead the way? Tsk tsk. So many things to think about as a teen. Thank God, I've moved on--more financial freedom and in the prime of my life--no kids, no house mortgage to pay!

2008-07-30T11:31:00.002-04:00

Song called "In Christ Alone" that I got very hooked on few weeks back cos' of the marvelous lyrics. Always wanted to loop a song onto my blog page but I'm too lazy to figure that out (I spent 1 hour trying to find out how one afternoon previously! But to no avail of course.) Plus, I bet it would irritate you guys who actually read or visit my blog. Would like to put a hit counter to find out how many visits I get (haha some ego boost) but too lazy also. Okay, here's the link. Go see yah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6wMB-AWLC4

Hehe, me in a bed of sunflowers! Unrelated to the song...

2008-07-30T10:54:00.003-04:00

Dark knight and sentinel of my life...

This is something that I've been wanting to post for a while now, but have yet to get started on. It's something for those who always lament that God doesn't seem to be working in their lives. I heard this preached during Dr Joe Stowell's seminar at St. Andrew's cathedral and read this in My Daily Bread.

You know, our God operates like white blood cells. They destroy bacteria in our bodies without our conscious awareness. No one knows how many invasions these silent assassins have stopped or how many lives they have saved. They just don't get their due recognition like penicillin does.

Well, the sad thing is often God get similar treatment. Worse still, He gets blamed when something goes wrong. How many time do we question "Why me, God?" or "How could you let this happen to me?" When things go right, He seldom gets the credit--"Everything turned out well because I worked hard for it" Everyday, we get up, get dressed, drive to work or go to school or go on dates, and return safely home to our families. And we don't realize how many times God had actually protected us from harm. But when a tragedy happens, we ask, "Where was God?"

The wonderful things He does silently on my behalf deserves a list of praises that should far exceed all my petitions to Him. And still I find myself shamefully asking for more. Oh well, we are human. But I really need to learn how to count these hidden blessings and revel in the fact that my God's got my back and I needn't worry 'bout anything!

God's always busy at work in my life. Amen.

2008-07-26T12:53:00.005-04:00

All in a day's work!

I seldom blog about my day so I shall take a stab at it tonight. Well, because it was a whole day of fellowship with people from church and I felt blessed by the company and of course, God's presence amidst it all. Did I forget to mention that I woke up feeling shitty? Yes I did, but God works and prayer works, amen?!

Okay, so in one sentence the stinky stuff that happened to me:

Woke up feeling lousy about myself (maybe it's the hormones setting in? Ok...too much info for now, babe), read the papers and did my QT (after brushing my teeth, of course. Wouldn't want to speak to God with icky breath), had a hard time choosing what to wear (as usual), as a result had to rush and almost got into car accident, later got caught in traffic jam on the way to Suntec, found myself having to meet unfamiliar faces and going through the awkwardness of being an alien in a new social environment BUT...

What turned out well?

The people in that new social environment turned out to be friendly people, met an old classmate that I haven't seen in ages, linked up with nice folks and enjoyed the company as the social barrier disintegrated. It was nice fellowship with people my age (finally!)

What turned out better?

Bought a hundred and sixty-five dollar dress from Massimo Dutti that concealed my plumpness and actually created an illusion of slimness in me--good buy...but no chance to wear now :(

Okay, I was just kidding...how can something so material be of superior gratification to me than the gift of companionship and fellowship. I just mentioned the dress because I wanna share my joy of purchasing such a great find, and to preempt my mum from any shock when she's sees my credit card bill and realized that I splurged on another article of clothing after spending $600 on a light jacket from G Star yesterday.

What really turned out great?

The farewell I had tonight. Thanks everyone, specifically the adults for initiating this and the youths for your contribution. I appreciate all the planning and preparation that went into it. I thoroughly enjoyed it and felt loved...[Cue: Awwww.....] I'll miss you kiddos dearly! And I also want to say that the Nothinless parents are cool! And one more thing. I finally got to see where some of you guys study or purport to study (hmm...) at. The TP campus is amazing; I like the open spaces and green surroundings and at night it's like a endless maze--we took a night tour on car cos' we couldn't find an open gate! Good for night activities during orientation.

Some things to remember this night by:

Question : What is your fondest memory in Moriah?

Answer (lene): Being able to worship God with the youths...(paraphrase: observing you guys worship the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind is like WOW!)

Vocal acts: an old number, original lyric and mandarin song! Thanks for the song you guys wrote for us. The lyrics were very meaningful. Could you upload on FB? Thanks!

A decadent finish!

Supper at the hawker center near Bedok Police Division. Had sambal stingray, oyster omelette, the famous fishball mee (actually it is more accurate to label it as meatball mee) and washed it all down with sugarcane (that was not too fantastic--seriously diluted but I seldom drink sugarcane juice anyways). And of course, the element of human interaction and authentic fellowship through late night supper-makans! Heh, those of you who are abroad and missing home food, I will feel your agony soon!

Ending:

Okay, I always end my thread with something like a moral of the story kind of message ya. So here's a shot. Tonight I really feel a huge sense of gratitude toward God. Couple of years back, I was feeling rather rotten about my social life. I had made many acquaintance-kind of friends, had some bosom friends that later on became less close to me, lost out on forging relations and never proactively sought friendships in uni, and was in a church where there was almost no one within a comfortable range of my age. Soon, I grew accustomed to the reality that I didn't need friends to survive and could get by with my life without them. I was at ease in my hermit enclave. But God being the generous God He is, decided to bless me with friends from work that I can hang out with (the talk kok, sing song, play mahjong type). And all along, I was not fully cognizant of this, but my youth group was always there for me--though most of the kids were a whole lot younger than me. I'm a lot more blessed than what others would call "losers" who only have a pet or a volleyball (what was its name in Castaway?) as their source of companionship. And today when I stepped into that young adults' cell group (did I mention that earlier?), I understood that God binds. I didn't need to possess a long history with these people and they accepted me as a newcomer. Believers can always find friends in other believers. Isn't it wonderful that people so diverse in their cultures, backgrounds, history and personalities can come together and fellowship in Christ?

Youth groups, cell groups, churches should all be like a huge plate of rojak!

Different groups of ingredients but all mixed together with the dark sweet sauce to form a delectable dish! I think I'm starting to miss Singaporean food...

2008-07-22T00:25:00.004-04:00

"Perfection is the ideal to aim for. But imperfection is the reality we have to work with every day." Second Home Affairs Minister, Mr K. Shanmugam, in his maiden speech at parliament yesterday, in response to the recent security lapses (i.e. MSK escape, escape attempt by 2 accused persons from the subordinate courts, and the father who successfully went through customs with his son's passport).

My immediate reaction to this statement when I read it in the papers was like "Wow! Is Mr Shanmugam a Christian or what?" What he said was in essence how our Christian life should be! The verse that popped into my mind straightaway was what Paul said to the church in Corinth in 2 Cor 13. His parting words in the letter were: "Aim for perfection." We are instructed to aim for the perfection embodied by Jesus.

However, there is a second part to it. The minister wasn't making excuses for the grave blunders by MHA, but highlighting a serious truth. In increasingly complex operating terrain, it was impossible for MHA to derive foolproof measures. And that was the reality; there are bound to be limitations and we can only aim for the ideal. So the Christian relevance? We live amidst the seductive temptations in the world and our severe human limitations like our lack of faith, self-doubt, laziness, limited resolve, etc, interfere with our ability to be perfect.

So do you think God expects us to be perfect and without a blemish like Christ, just as how the Singaporean community expects MHA to be completely immune to security lapses? I don't think so...even the great apostle Paul admitted in Philipians 3:12 that he was not perfect yet. Amazingly, our God is the most magnanimous and forgiving God. When we lapse, He allows us to turn back and repent. You don't believe that there is no sin too big that God won't forgive? Chapter 33 of 2 Chronicles narrates the story of Manasseh who did a crap load of evil in God's eyes by defiling the land with Asherah poles and Baal altars, but "in his distress he sought the favor of the Lord his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers. And when he prayed to Him, the Lord was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea" (2 Chron 33: 12-13). For those of you who feel that you have sinned greatly and are too unworthy to be forgiven, please know that God wants to forgive you. Every sheep matters such that the Shepherd will find means to seek that sheep again.

I struggle a lot with self-doubt and skepticism about God's ability to turn situations around. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this struggle. So many times I've tried to take charge of my circumstances. At times I do my utmost to appear to others as though I were in control. We don't like to lose control or seem as though we have, don't we? We think it makes us look weak and lousy. It's a huge blow that punctures our self esteem and sends our pride to the dumps. We want to be the best vocalist, best guitarist, best drummer, best at whatever we do! But you know what, when everything goes too well, when we excel at everything we do and when we are well-provided for and wealthy in every aspect, it is easy to be lulled into a complacency and self-sufficiency. That's when we adopt the false sense of security that we don't need God to survive and we don't need His blessings. It's dangerous. It is also possible that God withholds certain talents from us because He knows we can potentially fall into this trap if we weren't strong enough (Read Matthew 25:15).

Do you know that when we admit that we aren't that strong after all, and that we actually need to rely on God, He is actually pleased? In Isaiah 66, the Lord says this:

"This is the one I esteem:

he who is humble and contrite in spirit,

and trembles at my word"

This line simply means that the Lord likes those who are humble, sorry for their wrongdoings, and respectful of His Word.

In Matthew 5, Jesus gives the Sermon on the Mount and taught the Beatitudes. Those who are "blessed" or rather favored by God, are those who are "poor in spirit"--people who are not self-conceited but recognize that they have a void or emptiness which requires God's divine provision. Because we are imperfect, we must realize that we can only depend on God. And those who choose to are blessed.

I hope that when you feel lousy, you will remember this verse written by Paul when he felt tormented. It is one of my favorites which encourages me when I feel horrible about myself. I printed it out on big font and pasted the print-out on my wall in the office when I was still working in MHA. It sustained me throughout and continues to do so.

2 Cor 12:9:

But He (the Lord) said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ;s power may rest on me.

God is a humorous and creative God. He likes to use those whom we least expect to succeed to do great things for Him. Just like how we rejoice and celebrate when a weak character in a movie is vindicated when he defeats some baddies and defies all odds. Which one is more representative of God's power? One who can actually accomplish the feat based on his usual human ability or one who can't do so with his own natural ability. Of course, it is much easier for others to believe that God's divine intervention was at work when the latter succeeds. So moral of the story? If you think you are weak, boast about it and proclaim confidently that God can help you overcome all odds! Remember strive for perfection but don't let your imperfections get you down.

2008-07-14T23:11:00.004-04:00

THE TRANSFORMING POWER OF JESUS! (Night 2 continued)

Dr Joe Stowell shared a previous encounter with famous evangelist, Dr Billy Graham, at a dinner function. Being assigned the seat next to this well-acclaimed minister of God, Dr Stowell was naturally tense and eager to strike some conversation. So he ended asking Billy Graham what the greatest highlight of his ministry was, given his long history of serving God. Dr Stowell didn't just stop there but extended his question by offering examples like evangelizing to heads of state, meeting royalty, etc., which he felt silly and embarrassed about when Billy Graham said this: "The highlight in my ministry, Joe, is my fellowship with Christ."

This little anecdote conveys a huge message. That in everything we do to serve Christ, it's not about us doing great things and receiving recognition and praise from people all around. It's about our fellowship with Christ. And Paul was the epitome of it all. In Philippians 3, he made a list of his bragging rights: being from the tribe of Benjamin, a Pharisee who possessed legalistic righteousness, etc., which all prestigious positions. However, he casted them away and considered them "rubbish" (in the original translation, it meant "dung" which was the most detestable thing). He denied his bragging rights so that he would not exalt himself, but magnify Christ. If our lives are to be all about Jesus, we need to vacate that space for him by trashing out our pride.

In that same chapter, Paul wrote in the first line to "rejoice in the Lord!". If you read deeper, however, you will realize that this simple phrase can mean "stop rejoicing (or bragging) in yourself and start living to rejoice in the Lord". Jeremiah 9:23-24 says "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom...but let him who boasts boast (instead) about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord..."

Paul went on to warn the Philippians against "those dogs". And you might be thinking who he was referring to with such a harsh and demeaning term. Paul was talking about the Judaizers--Jewish Christians who wrongly believed that it was essential for Gentiles to follow all the Old Testament Jewish laws (e.g. circumcision) to receive salvation. Paul criticized them because they thought that what they did made them believers rather than the free gift of grace through faith. They placed more emphasis on religious effort ("confidence in the flesh") rather than internal faith. We need to remember not to judge other people's spirituality by their level of human activity. These Judaizers were creating more rules and feeling good about themselves for being able to keep these rules, and they ended up feeding their own prides. So how should we approach ministry? In everything you do, examine your motives. Are you serving God with a loving heart or serving your pride by appearing especially religious? Paul didn't do everything just to escape hell. He longed to experience Christ and he did that by letting go of his bragging rights and being in fellowship with Christ through suffering.

One of the most amazing traits I admire about Paul is his graciousness and selfless attitude. In Ph 1:15-18, he wrote about his contemporaries who preached out of "selfish ambition" and "rivalry" against him. They were taking advantage of Paul's situation to make a name for themselves. Regardless of their motives, Paul rejoiced that the gospel was being preached. Many times, we lament over the fact that other churches are growing and our own is stagnant. Dr Joe Stowell shared about a church member coming up to him one day and saying this "Pastor aren't you bothered that some of our members actually went over to XX church today for the Easter service?" Apparently, a church in the same neighborhood had invited their members to bring friends to this special Easter service. Those who brought the most friends received certain rewards. And as you guessed, many of their friends were from Dr Stowell's church. XX church made their celebration a grand affair with easter egg hunting and prizes, and they had an overwhelming attendance. So what do you think Dr Joe Stowell's reply was? Would he have felt bad or angered? Well, thank God he had gotten over it by the time the church member threw him this question. He said this: "Wow, isn't it wonderful that so many people were in church listening to the message of Christ's resurrection on Easter sunday!" The church member was lost for words.

Dr Stowell also related another story of how one day a larger church moved into the vicinity of a smaller church that had been at location for donkey years. As the larger church filled up and were crowding out the neighborhood, the pastor from the smaller church went over to the larger church and talked to the pastor from the larger church. The pastor from the smaller church welcomed the other pastor and even offered the smaller church's parking lots to the larger church. He told the pastor this: "For many years, we have been praying for a revival in our neighborhood, and finally God has made it happen." Sometimes, we get all bitter and upset about huge churches growing and we belittle the work they do through criticism. But Paul was amazingly selfless and without a sense of rivalry. At the end of the day, we serve for the same God.

2008-07-11T23:22:00.003-04:00

JOY BEHIND BARS! (Night 2)

Whoa! Blown away by Dr Joe Stowell's exposition of Philippians last night. He is truly God's anointed. For the past week and a half, I'd been reading the book to prepare myself for the seminar and reading it as in depth as I could. And still, Dr Stowell was able to enlighten me on portions of the text which I thought I had full grasp of. Amazing isn't it? That's why it always pays to drag your feet to a bible study, and find God's Word to dazzle you and realize that it was worthwhile the time and energy. Nothing beats listening to God's anointed unveil biblical truths that you seek to understand on your own but to no avail. Last night's preaching was TRULY AN INTERACTION OF MY SOUL WITH THE WORD OF GOD!

Enough said, I would like to share some key points, though I would really like to exclaim about the wonderful time of song and praise we had again. Paul exemplified many traits that deserve our modeling, let's look at them in detail:

THE APOSTLE PAUL, OUR ROLE MODEL--what kept him going?

It is important to know that Paul wrote this letter to the believers in Philippi when he was in a Roman prison. It didn't occur to me how treacherous the circumstance was till Dr Stowell revealed that Emperor Nero was a brutal man, who would discharge the most torturous executions. Christians would be hand on lampposts in the city and become a human torch by night. Sometimes, they were buried to death in tar. Wouldn't you be in fear if you didn't know when you would be called for sentencing and how you would be executed?

But Paul didn't feel bitter at all. He didn't beat his breasts (I mean that as a metaphor, for those who don't get it) and cry "unfair" to God. He took it all in just like how his Lord Jesus Christ did. Because he considered that pure joy to be in fellowship in suffering with Christ. Isn't this amazing, and God-like I presume. Nope, Paul wasn't a masochist, and neither did he have self-destructive tendencies. Why was he able to bear with this torment despite knowing that he had done so much for God? How can I be like that in life's difficulties?

Because he knew that whatever we have in life cannot compare to Heaven and the best is yet to be (Ph 1:23). Now think, what is the greatest pleasure now you have in life--Playstation, scoring straight As, sex? Okay, Heaven beats everything by more than a mile! It is beyond our imagination. A Pastor once said this: "Jesus has designed your passport and there's no hassle at the border!" For those of us who ask, what is Heaven like? Streets of gold, gates of pearl? Is it going to be boring? Are we just singing all day and flapping our angel-wings? Whatever it is, it is definitely far better than what we have now and what we can imagine. Come on, Jesus wouldn't create a boring eternity!

Well, more importantly, it wasn't the alluring reward of escaping hell and making it to Heaven that drove Paul to do whatever he did. Rather it was his eager expectation to magnify Christ (Ph 1:20). In our own lives, we are victimized by many expectations that we don't have control over. But if your only expectation in life was to exalt Jesus, just like Paul had, you will always be in control and will not be victimized but be victorious! Even through his impending death, he said: "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (v. 21). He will live with courage to magnify Christ, and dying was actually a way out of the misery and anguish he experienced-- Heaven is going to be great! But he chose to take the "fruitful labor" so that he could advance the work of God.

Have you ever thought whether God put you in a particular place for the purpose of advancing the gospel? It need not be a mission field or a church. It could be anywhere--your workplace, your school, your family which you wish you never been born in, among your friends who you wish you never had (I love my friends...really!) If you check out Ph 1:12-14 and 4:22, you will see what Paul knew was God's purpose for him. He was preaching to the Caesar's household! Whoa! They probably heard of the resurrection of Christ--that miraculous morning where the guards from Rome guarding the tomb were struck unconscious and Christ's body was raised. And those guarding Paul were probably nudging him to tell them the story of how Christ resurrected..."so was it true, what we heard?" They were probably amazed at Paul's courage and composure amidst his plight. This probably spread to palace maids and royal cooks, etc.

WHAT'S KEEPING YOU DOWN IN YOUR SITUATION TODAY? CAN YOU SEE HOW YOU CAN GLORIFY GOD'S NAME IN THAT SAME SITUATION?

That's a lot of content! I'm going to stop here and continue blogging about a second important point that was raised by Dr Stowell that night in my next posting. Stay tuned!

For now, don't miss out opportunities to live as shining stars for God. Don't let other expectations in life cloud that one expectation you should have. Regardless of the uncertainty, turn your despondency into delight by banking on His promise that He will deliver you. Perhaps you want to go to a top university to do a psychology degree (no prizes for right guesses on whose expectation that is!) and you try so hard to make it into one, but you end up missing the opportunity to testify that it doesn't matter and you are cool about everything because God is in control. People would have seen that and witnessed the power of Christ.

2008-07-11T00:33:00.003-04:00

THE TRANSFORMING POWER OF JESUS! (Night One)

I attended Dr Joe Stowell's seminar at St Andrews Cathedral last night. What he preached about was a huge revelation to me! The night began with squeezing through packs of people to find a perching spot, but the effect was a magnificent chorus of majestic singing that resounded within the sanctuary. Everyone came with such eagerness and fervent hearts, and despite our different Christian upbringings, we were all united in song. In my bible-study companion's personal account, it was simply "a sight of deafening praise" for the Sri Lankan national beside him was singing with all his might. But in all, it was a pleasant surprise and a warm fuzzy feeling of gladness inside.

Dr Stowell did not delve into the book of Philippians as scheduled. Instead he chose to deviate to another topic which he probably felt compelled by the Spirit to teach about. He preached about the link between Mattew 4 and John 21--how Simon Peter was first called to follow Christ and how his last encounter was Jesus was played out. Both occurred along the beach when the apostles went fishing. I'm going to briefly mention some learning points here (together with a little research I did based on some of the things he said) because it spoke really deeply to me and I hope you glean some new insights that will refresh and nourish your understanding of the Word. Importantly, I felt that the sensitivity Dr Stowell had towards the intricacies of the bible scripture encouraged me and spurred me on to read the bible deeply instead of superficially.

1. WHO ARE WE?

Dr Stowell first challenged asked by asking us who we were. And obviously, most of us would have replied that we were tailors, doctors, admin workers, candle-makers, etc., according to our occupations. But really that creates a problem when we retire or lose our jobs, because along with that, we will relinquish our self-identity and go into a serious conundrum.

We need to identify ourselves as Christians, followers of Christ. Dr Stowell also mentioned that the early Christians in the bible were known as "People of the Way". True enough, as I did my own search, I realized that this was actually a derogatory term that was used by the Romans to define people who practiced the Christian faith. After all, Jesus was "the way, the truth and the life" (John 14:6). What was amazing for me was that people then were not just recognized by what they belief in (which was Christ), but they were known for following "the way" . This early title reflected the importance of our Kingdom lifestyle.

In Psychology, there are experiments revealing that people who admired or liked certain others would emulate them in action and this was experimentally uncovered when their concrete gestures seemed to imitate the person of admiration or adoration. So likewise, our love for Christ should be exhibited in the manner we behave. If we are truly "People of the Way" (Acts 9:2; 18:24), how do we reflect His ways?

As you read the gospels, you will soon realize that Jesus is one true "deviant" (I'm not saying this to blaspheme against Him, nor am I suggesting that I'm using it negatively). He does not conform because the world accords low status to prostitutes and tax-collectors but He reaches out to them in generosity and love nonetheless; the world celebrates greed and money but he encourages us to forsake these in light of greater things to come. His "way" is a totally different one. It is a narrow one separate from the broad and comfortable one many are treading today.

WHO ARE WE?

WE ARE THE PEOPLE OF THE WAY!

2. REMEMBER YOUR FIRST CALLING?

Dr Stowell also prompted us to remember our first calling to follow Christ. We were taken to the book of Matthew where Simon Peter was called (Mt 4: 18-20). The crucial text that goes unnoticed very often is the part where Peter and Andrew were said to "left their nets". They dropped their nets, and what is significant about that you may ask? They left everything behind, their job and identity, and took on a new one as a follower of Christ. They immediately dropped their nets! I'm not saying that you should quit your job (neither is Dr Stowell proposing that), but we need to remember that what you do isn't your identity. Besides, we are not saved by our righteousness and our deeds, if so we would all never attain salvation. We are saved by grace, God's grace. Doing tons of charitable acts will not determine your eternity.

Here in chapter 4 of Matthew was an important link to John 21 where the disciples decide again to go fishing. I presume some of you are seeing some light now. By then, Jesus was already crucified and the hope they harbored for Him to achieve certain political prowess and extinguish the Roman sovereignty in their land was diminished. The disciples were obviously feeling defeated and devastated, and hence they returned to their trade. And perhaps, they were deciding to forgo everything they had invested in within the last three years of their time with Christ. They took up their nets again and went fishing, but in verse 3 as it was said that they "caught nothing". Dr Joe Stowell mentioned that sometimes leaders fail when they don't follow Christ, and I guess there's an element of truth in that in our lives. When we ignore what we were called to. Remember that God's plans for us are always far better than what we have planned for ourselves--believe me ya!

At the end of the chapter, Jesus asked Peter the same question 3 times. If it were me, I'd probably feel equally hurt like Peter. I mean, likely Peter was going in his heart: "Jesus, are you doubting me?" But when He said that, it could be that Jesus was trying to convey the seriousness in what he was asking. He was probably telling Peter: "No, I mean seriously, do you really love me?". It was not just a brotherly love Jesus was looking for, but an Agape love--the highest of all, one that was unconditional. And He then asked Peter to "feed me sheep". I guess we would all simply think that Jesus was trying to say that if we loved Him, we should heed his Word to love our neighbors and serve others.

More deeply, Jesus was instructing us to care for what He cared for. Just like how you would care for what your loved one would care for, in the same way, we are called to care for what Jesus cared for most--His people. And have you ever wondered why humans are referred to as sheep? According to Dr Stowell's theory, sheep are not very smart in the animal kingdom--they just go baah all day. They are one of the weakest. They break their legs easily, they fall easily. They symbolize the neediness in the world. Jesus cared about the needy and their needs and was asking Peter to do the same. And He is asking us to do the same.

JESUS, PLEASE SHOW UP ON THE BEACH OF OUR LIVES ONCE AGAIN. JUST LIKE HOW YOU FIRST CALLED US, LET US RELEASE THE NETS IN OUR HANDS AND RESPOND LIKE HOW PETER DID. HE RAN TO YOU ON THE BEACH.

Lastly, Jesus supplied everything. In verse 9 you'll see that Jesus was already making breakfast and calling out "come and have breakfast". Like wow, Jesus you are amazing. The whole load of fish they caught that morning amounted to 153. And mind you, they were "large" fish (v. 11). This scene encapsulated God's provision in our lives. When you decide to follow Christ, you don't need to worry about the needs in your life because Christ will supply them all. Jesus showed up three times after He was crucified. He did so always at the weirdest times, but they were the most life-transforming moments. He's amazing!

REMEMBER YOUR FIRST CALLING AND HOW YOU RELINQUISHED EVERYTHING AND LET GO OF YOUR WORRIES AND BURDENS.

2008-07-04T09:39:00.004-04:00

As promised...

BIBLE READING IDEAS!!

I shan't take any credit for these ideas because these are mostly Pastor Joe Stowell's personal approaches to bible reading. I'm so glad I'm finally going to get the chance to learn from the man who will be doing an exposition of the book of Philipians at St. Andrew's cathedral next Thur and Fri night. In fact, I'm currently reading this book so that the seminar will be more meaningful to me. It's great to gain new insights to the bible. To me, it's the most comprehensive handbook of life, and a great source of psychological research ideas for me too! Ever since I started reading the Life Application Bible for QT, I find myself more captivated by the profundity and wisdom of God's Word, and I feel it nourishing and transforming me. Okay, enough said, let's get to the tips!

Keep yourself plugged in till you feel nourished!

The number one tip by Joe Stowell is to treat every time of bible reading as an encounter with God and not just an exercise. In this encounter, search for something relevant to you in the word. This may come quickly, or sometimes it may take longer. Allow your soul, heart and mind to be ministered.

Capture the ministry such that you can take it with you through the day.

Writing down a concept on a piece of paper and carrying it in your bag, memorizing a key verse, or making some verses a brief and memorable prayer that you can lift before Him are some methods you can try on a daily basis.

Reflect on God's Word in terms of its intended purposes. [MY FAVE TIP!]

This would align you with what He wants to do in your life. He has told us that His Word is...

1. A Mirror: Therefore, you need to read to see yourself as you really are in the light of what the text is saying.

2. A Seed: Permit the Word to be implanted deep in your heart and then envision what the fruit will be if you water and nurture it with care.

3. A Sword: the double-edged kind that pierces through all the externals and reveals the deepest secrets and motives. Let it cut where it will and honestly admit and submit to its surgery.

4. A Lamp: It gives you guidance and direction in the darkness of life.

5. Bread for your Soul: Let the Word nourish your soul. Allow yourself to be touched by a truth, encouraged, comforted, and reproofed. Gain insights from the Word.

Share the Word with a trusted friend.

This is especially productive if your friend is on the same spiritual wavelength as you. Sharing life-related insights can be a powerful bonding tool with friends, spouses and children.

Vary your approach to scripture.

For a season, you could read 2 or 3 chapters a day in the Psalms and the proverb that goes with the day of the month. At other times a study of a theme (such as friends, money, love, repentance, forgiveness) using the concordance at the back of the bible can be enlightening. You can choose to study an area that you are struggling with in your own life. Bible reading need not be a tedious discipline; it shouldn't be a chore. It can be fun and you can inject creativity as long as you are being ministered to. Sometimes I read little booklets on certain bible themes instead of my bible. This centers me on a point of need and interest.

Read the text submissively.

If you want to profit from its ability to connect you with the One who is speaking through it, this has to be the case. Engaging the Word with a less than open and yielded spirit will widen your distance from God and make bible reading a ritual. Remember: "This book will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from this book!"

Hope these were helpful!

2008-07-01T10:14:00.002-04:00

EXPERIENCING INTIMACY WITH GOD (FINAL POSTING)

I've talked so much about what it means and what it doesn't mean to experience intimacy with God, but I realized that I haven't given you the "how". So here's Dr Joe Stowell's take on how to draw close to God, though I really think that I'm stating the obvious and you are probably going to go "I bet she's going to talk about reading the Bible and prayer!"

With God, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. On the contrary, it makes it grow more distant. If you don't communicate with Him for a period of time, sin and self-sufficiency will grow stronger. Rebuilding the relationship with Him will be tough. Therefore, communication must be ongoing!

So READ, MEDITATE ON, AND STUDY THE BIBLE! Don't just read without understanding and applying. What is faith without deeds? In the same way, you should allow the Word to transform you. Importantly, give the Lord your BEST TIME. Not before bed, if you tend to doze off close to sleep time. DON'T FEEL GUILTY IF YOU MISS QT FOR ONE DAY because intimacy is more than a half hour discipline. It's a daylong continual walk. But if you miss communicating with God for 3 or 4 days, it'll be difficult getting back on track. Remember, reading the word helps us cling to His righteousness in a secular world. It brings us comfort as well.

As for PRAYER, the most meaningful aspect of it is not the answers to prayer. It is the way it helps us to focus on God. As we present our concerns to Him, don't you think that we are also re-affirming our belief and faith in Him? You won't pray to something you don't believe in or something like a worthless idol that you know will never give you any form of help, right? Take time to praise the Lord, thank Him, confess to Him and bring your needs to Him, when you pray.

Stay tuned for extra postings with more tips on bible reading and prayer coming soon! I really benefited a lot from these tips so I'll be sharing them with you. Stayed tuned!