My last officially-scheduled worship-leading in church...

This morning was tough. My mind was still suffering a minor congestion from sleeping late the previous night.

[TIP#1 for worship-leaders, try to ensure you are well-rested on the night before if you are leading the next day--a responsible gesture to God and His church. Try to refrain from giving excuses like--how I'm going to here--"I stayed out partying last night till 12 midnight"]

I had my songs prepared but the technical flow and linking between songs were going to be tricky. But to me, I felt inspired to do these songs in that manner. There was not only a lot of thought that went into it, but also a reflective contemplation of how God could intervene through the worship session. 

[TIP #2 for worship-leaders, do not be hesitant to adopt the spirit of experimentation and openness in song and music arrangements. For services, however, make bold attempts if you are rather certain that God wants it that way (this is first and foremost), or that the team can potentially work things out]

I didn't convey my mental blueprints to the team. And neither did I elaborate on the kind of worship environment to be enacted during the service. Sometimes, I can't find the words to describe these things, and my inability to play any musical instrument proficiently doesn't help (recorder doesn't count, right?)

[TIP #3 for worship-leaders, formulate your own jargons that promotes common understanding among your team so that it is easier to communicate effects to be created more efficiently (e.g. "Hawaiian/coconut-style"). Importantly, take time to convey your plan and basis for it, so that you and your team can begin practice on a common ground and share the same vision. Doesn't have to be a thesis on it; a simple one or two-liner explaining your(God's) intentions would suffice most of the time.]

There had been times I experienced frustration during practices because I couldn't express my intentions clearly or help the team understand certain things. It was stressful in the earlier days when I just started worship-leading, but now it's simply frustrating. In these occasions, the usual cognition that jumps into my brain is thoughts of self-doubt and inadequacies. Next, would be finding something or someone to blame. I know and admit that that's a horrible thing to do.

[TIP#4 for worship-leaders, never indulge in self-pity by telling yourself that you are lousy, that its not your calling, or asking yourself why you have to do it (especially before service!). Don't blame others when things don't seem to work according to what you want. Learn to be flexible and make changes accordingly, and be open to what the team has to say.]

There were some hiccups during the practice, but nothing dire actually. It was just self-doubt and self-directed agitation, when things didn't work out according to what I wanted. Then again, that was just me and my expectations tormenting me. I felt alone and sian. A counter I gave against those was simply to pick up the bible and find solace in His word. Though I surrendered (not absolutely) the task to the Lord, in my heart was still some unsettlement. 

Service started with a bang--not a carnival fanfare, but an awkward tension. Everyone didn't seem keen on moving forward when invited to. Guess I embraced too much optimism in making that endeavor--it was really pretty much the spur of the moment. My usual confidence and poise melted into futile attempts to pick up the pieces and glue them together. It was a loud "Urgh!" and "Oh well" in my head and off we went with the first song. 

Throughout the first song, thoughts of self-doubt resonated within my mind: "Is this really my calling?" I persisted and cried out in my head, "God help me!" Many times I just wish that I wasn't really there but in actual fact I was standing at the front of a cinema hall with so many pairs of eyes staring at me and I had no where to run. I couldn't wish it away. Throughout the first song, I was wrestling with these negative cognitions. It was a tough struggle till they dissipated at the end of the song. It was a breakthrough! I persevered and banished those thoughts. I kept telling myself to turn my eyes on Him and worship Him without bothering about whether the congregation was.

[TIP #5 for worship-leaders, live in the present and not dwell on a less-than-exciting kick-start to the service. Focus on yourself worshipping Him before thinking about whether others are. Don't allow negative thoughts to flood you. Tell yourself, "No matter what I'm going to praise you God!". Keep your mind on that.]

After gaining back my balance and gaining momentum, I approached the slow songs which caused some problems earlier during the practice. As worry swept my mind, I recalled how Simon Peter fell when he made an attempt to cross the lake on his feet. Because of his hesitation and lack of faith, he allowed his human worries to subject him to failure. There was fear, but I decided to meet them in faith and go according to what I felt was spirit-led. Fortunately, I was on the same page as the Holy Spirit. I took things slowly and immersed myself in experiencing His presence, and did those songs which could have potentially led to an anti-climax. 

[Tip #6 for worship-leaders, don't have the impression that praise and worship ALWAYS has to be built up and dramatic. Most essentially it has to be sincere. Sometimes, we need to have moments of stillness during worship to allow the Spirit to speak to us, or to simple allow the peace of God to reign among His people. Fundamentally, we need to create a conducive atmosphere for God to work--that's just it! So flow with the Spirit]

[Tip #7 for worship-leaders, technical stunts can become major distractions and stumbling blocks. If they do so, let them go. It's not a performance or evaluation of how good you are as a song-leader. Forsake things that can potentially feed your own vanity and pride. God will use your talents but only if you recognize that they're from the maker and not your own]

God just flowed during today's service. I was amazed and glad. It's such a wonderful feeling to know that He used you as His vessel! It's so uplifting when you see clear signs (like when Pastor preaches something relevant to your songs, or when someone prophesizes during the praise and worship) that indicate that you were His instrument. Though I get discouraged from time to time and I doubt myself, I have all these incidents to remind me of how He has used me before and I could be used again as long as I invested my talents and not bury them. 

[Tip#8 for worship-leaders, always keep the Mary and Martha story close to you. While Martha was busy with serving Jesus, her service to Christ had degenerated into mere busywork that no longer had the complete devotion to God. When our ministry becomes chore to us, try to recall this story. Don't be busy doing things for Jesus, that you are not spending time with Him, and don't allow your service to become self-serving. Other lessons we learn are not to feel sorry for oneself when one's efforts are not recognized, and don't be too overconcerned about details. Importantly, don't be distracted by the technicalities in the service and neglect the one we worship.]

[Tip#9 for worship-leaders, mingle with members of congregation and find out briefly the needs among church members. Sometimes, you can use songs to allow God to minister to them. If the church is going through spiritual dryness, we can select songs that are themed around that. Or if you know that the speaker is going to emphasize on something beforehand, you can choose songs surrounding that theme.]

[Tip #10 for worship-leaders, don't be harsh on yourself when you don't see "results" or when service seemed "lousy". God works in amazing ways which are sometimes beyond our comprehension.]