Having Pinkberry on a cold night out in NYC wasn't such a good idea!

Guess my worries about food in NYC were unnecessary. Tonight we went back to that Jap place we fell in love with the first time we ate there. Good authentic Jap food at cheap prices. How cheap? The two of us had a small place of appetizer (stewed slice beef and potato), edamame (green, soybean pods), a bowl of katsu don and shoyu ramen. And it cost us about 17USD. That's cheap for NYC! The only drawback was the place was so packed that the queue to get in was pretty long. But it was great. On our way back to campus, we stopped by Pinkberry for some healthy yogurt (haha, must emphasize the word healthy to make myself feel better). It wasn't such a great idea cos' tonight was super cold! The temperature today was 12 degrees celsius. The weather's turning cold, and I'm kinda worried about the impending winter. I don't think I'm equipped to deal with it. This morning I wanted to leave the house wearing a pair of tights under a denim skirt, and thank God I changed my mind and instead wore my jeans over it. Guess vanity needs to be cast aside when warmth is at stake. The cold is just too unbearable for me to dress to the nines and look cool and hip! 

Forgive my ramblings. It's late. I guess it's also because it's the midterms period coming up and I'm kinda exhausted. Not that I've been studying hard. In fact, I haven't. I'm taking five courses (the norm is four) this semester but one of them is really insignificant--I just attend 1 hour lab meetings every fortnight and do some video codings for that course. Only sad part is that I'm paying a hefty sum for course credits to do that course! Oh no, I'm rambling again. Caught the "discursive flu" from my professor; she really goes on and on. She is a very nice lady, but unfortunately she goes on and on. Anyway, I think I need to exercise to shake off the exhaustion and restore some vitality in my life. I really hope I don't get fat. Though there isn't fantastic hawker fare or Chinese food here, there are quite a few options to choose from. Today, I bought a salad and I couldn't finish it. So I left slightly less than half of it and left it under my table in class, thinking that I would bring it back home to eat it as a meal--food's not cheap here u'know, and the salad cost me USD6.23!!! But I forgot about it :( 

Okay, I'm turning circumstantial....I think I better stop before I go into "word salad" mode. Will provide more updates soon. Oh yes, praise God! I need to give Him some glory here. I somehow have made it into several research labs that will hopefully put in a better place for the PhD applications. I'm sure I'm in good hands and He has a great plan for me. I'm so eager to get my hands dirty on some research work! 

Here's a retro clip for those 70s, early 80s babies. Fantastic singing, and wonderful sense of nostalgia...be prepared for several laughs too. Enjoy! 

ming tian hui geng hao!

Dark knight and sentinel of my life...

This is something that I've been wanting to post for a while now, but have yet to get started on. It's something for those who always lament that God doesn't seem to be working in their lives. I heard this preached during Dr Joe Stowell's seminar at St. Andrew's cathedral and read this in My Daily Bread.

You know, our God operates like white blood cells. They destroy bacteria in our bodies without our conscious awareness. No one knows how many invasions these silent assassins have stopped or how many lives they have saved. They just don't get their due recognition like penicillin does. 

Well, the sad thing is often God get similar treatment. Worse still, He gets blamed when something goes wrong. How many time do we question "Why me, God?" or "How could you let this happen to me?" When things go right, He seldom gets the credit--"Everything turned out well because I worked hard for it" Everyday, we get up, get dressed, drive to work or go to school or go on dates, and return safely home to our families. And we don't realize how many times God had actually protected us from harm. But when a tragedy happens, we ask, "Where was God?" 

The wonderful things He does silently on my behalf deserves a list of praises that should far exceed all my petitions to Him. And still I find myself shamefully asking for more. Oh well, we are human. But I really need to learn how to count these hidden blessings and revel in the fact that my God's got my back and I needn't worry 'bout anything!

God's always busy at work in my life. Amen.

All in a day's work!

I seldom blog about my day so I shall take a stab at it tonight. Well, because it was a whole day of fellowship with people from church and I felt blessed by the company and of course, God's presence amidst it all. Did I forget to mention that I woke up feeling shitty? Yes I did, but God works and prayer works, amen?!

Okay, so in one sentence the stinky stuff that happened to me:

Woke up feeling lousy about myself (maybe it's the hormones setting in? Ok...too much info for now, babe), read the papers and did my QT (after brushing my teeth, of course. Wouldn't want to speak to God with icky breath), had a hard time choosing what to wear (as usual), as a result had to rush and almost got into car accident, later got caught in traffic jam on the way to Suntec, found myself having to meet unfamiliar faces and going through the awkwardness of being an alien in a new social environment BUT...

What turned out well?

The people in that new social environment turned out to be friendly people, met an old classmate that I haven't seen in ages, linked up with nice folks and enjoyed the company as the social barrier disintegrated. It was nice fellowship with people my age (finally!)

What turned out better?

Bought a hundred and sixty-five dollar dress from Massimo Dutti that concealed my plumpness and actually created an illusion of slimness in me--good buy...but no chance to wear now :( 

Okay, I was just kidding...how can something so material be of superior gratification to me than the gift of companionship and fellowship. I just mentioned the dress because I wanna share my joy of purchasing such a great find, and to preempt my mum from any shock when she's sees my credit card bill and realized that I splurged on another article of clothing after spending $600 on a light jacket from G Star yesterday. 

What really turned out great?

The farewell I had tonight. Thanks everyone, specifically the adults for initiating this and the youths for your contribution. I appreciate all the planning and preparation that went into it. I thoroughly enjoyed it and felt loved...[Cue: Awwww.....] I'll miss you kiddos dearly! And I also want to say that the Nothinless parents are cool! And one more thing. I finally got to see where some of you guys study or purport to study (hmm...) at. The TP campus is amazing; I like the open spaces and green surroundings and at night it's like a endless maze--we took a night tour on car cos' we couldn't find an open gate! Good for night activities during orientation.

Some things to remember this night by:

Question : What is your fondest memory in Moriah?

Answer (lene): Being able to worship God with the youths...(paraphrase: observing you guys worship the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind is like WOW!)

Vocal acts: an old number, original lyric and mandarin song! Thanks for the song you guys wrote for us. The lyrics were very meaningful. Could you upload on FB? Thanks!

A decadent finish!

Supper at the hawker center near Bedok Police Division. Had sambal stingray, oyster omelette, the famous fishball mee (actually it is more accurate to label it as meatball mee) and washed it all down with sugarcane (that was not too fantastic--seriously diluted but I seldom drink sugarcane juice anyways). And of course, the element of human interaction and authentic fellowship through late night supper-makans! Heh, those of you who are abroad and missing home food, I will feel your agony soon!

Ending:

Okay, I always end my thread with something like a moral of the story kind of message ya. So here's a shot. Tonight I really feel a huge sense of gratitude toward God. Couple of years back, I was feeling rather rotten about my social life. I had made many acquaintance-kind of friends, had some bosom friends that later on became less close to me, lost out on forging relations and never proactively sought friendships in uni, and was in a church where there was almost no one within a comfortable range of my age. Soon, I grew accustomed to the reality that I didn't need friends to survive and could get by with my life without them. I was at ease in my hermit enclave. But God being the generous God He is, decided to bless me with friends from work that I can hang out with (the talk kok, sing song, play mahjong type). And all along, I was not fully cognizant of this, but my youth group was always there for me--though most of the kids were a whole lot younger than me. I'm a lot more blessed than what others would call "losers" who only have a pet or a volleyball (what was its name in Castaway?) as their source of companionship. And today when I stepped into that young adults' cell group (did I mention that earlier?), I understood that God binds. I didn't need to possess a long history with these people and they accepted me as a newcomer. Believers can always find friends in other believers. Isn't it wonderful that people so diverse in their cultures, backgrounds, history and personalities can come together and fellowship in Christ? 

Youth groups, cell groups, churches should all be like a huge plate of rojak!

Different groups of ingredients but all mixed together with the dark sweet sauce to form a delectable dish! I think I'm starting to miss Singaporean food...

I'm twenty-five today!

Whoa...a quarter of my lifespan just flew pass me! Feel so captive to the carousel of time. No return but only looking back at how I've been living my life. And I can never feel happier where I am now because I got nothing to complain about. The favour and blessings from the Lord are more than enough for me. I survived the stormy years of teenage life and young adulthood, and I'm all gird up to take on more in the next few years. Praise God!

Actually, for the past 25 years of my life, I've never really perceived my birthday to be a special occassion. For many of the years, it just came and went. If you ask me how I celebrated my sweet sixteen or 21st birthday, I really cannot give you any answer. My memory of those times is simply fuzzy. When I was young, I remember that my mummy would come back from work with a birthday cake on that day, and we would all hover around the cake that night, and sing a birthday song and cut the birthday cake. She used to buy those creamy sponge cakes that you get from the neighbourhood bakeries; and there would always be the "Happy Birthday, Charlene" written in icing on the top of the cake. I would blow the candles and cut the cake. There won't be any presents cos' I would have exhausted all my "gift privileges" before October (I would beg my mum to buy me the latest toys as my birthday or Xmas presents in advance). Those were the days. We stopped doing the cake thing for some time. Nowadays, we do dinners minus the cake (heh, unless it comes free with some bday discount; but rarely do we do the blowing of candles ritual at home). I have never had one of those MacDonald's parties. It was something every kid wanted for their birthdays (the 80s babies esp would agree with this), including me. It would sure be weird to have one now though. Hmm...still can't figure out why everyone was so crazy about it then.

Today, though, was rather special. And I'm recording this because I want to capture this and remember this in the future. When the clock struck 12 the night before, I started receiving several SMSes with birthday greetings. Subsequently, the next day I received more SMSes and some birthday messages and virtual gifts on facebook and friendster (the beauty of electronic media and birthday reminders...haha, can save money on bday gifts too =) sincere nonetheless =)). Dolled up and clad in the most youthful-looking top in my wardrobe, bright and cheery, I took off to Vivo for main service at ten-ish. Fast forward to after service: I received a huge sunflower stock from me beloved youths. Really pleasant surprise cos' I thought they wouldn't have known (again, the beauty of bday reminders and friendster). That in itself had me grinning from ear-to-ear as I navigated the walkways of vivo after service with my sunflower and invited stares from people strolling through the mall. After that, had a nice lunch at Beach Road and got my fix of Ah Balling which I've been craving for a few weeks now.

Unsuspecting, I went back to church after lunch. Everything seemed normal. Did back-up for youth service--Jer is getting so smooth as a worship-leader, so proud of him!--and we breaked to discuss our skits. All this while, I was oblivious to the "conspiracy" that was brewing in the next room. Different ones took turns to present their skits. Then our cast for the last skit (which was "save for the last" in EQ's words) took to the stage. Again, everything started per normal, and nothing was peculiar. I was anticipating Tine's defining moment---her most "deh" performance, but it didn't come. Instead, this cheeky girl got a few members from the audience up onstage to check out this red box that she was holding. She gestured to me to join her and peek into this box, and then she urged me to open it. As I opened it, everyone started singing "happy birthday!" This "naughty" bunch had hidden this scrap book they made for me in the box!! Ok, for those of you who were there, you probably get the picture of what I'm recording here. For those of you who are simply clueless about what I'm trying to say (which is really ineffable or difficult to express in words), the bottomline is, I was, in Ashton Kutcher's words "punked" heh. It was really unexpected. Me being the cry baby I am, was touched to tears instantly. Ern, Ja and Bell said some sweet things that made it even harder to turn off the tap. These "crazy" kids (and I mean it in love, affection and jest =)), had spent so much time, effort and monies making this scrap book. They even pasted my picture (which was taken of me holding the sunflower which Ram took for me in the morning) on the cover page. That was an enormous suprise and one of the best birthday gifts ever! Thanks guys!

There were actually more suprises after that (skilfully crafted I must say)....hehe but I won't be divulging much here. The guru will prob not be pleased if any trade secrets were readily disclosed to others ;) All you guys @ church are great at creating surprises! Besides, it's now 1 am and my birthday is over! Gotta go to work tomorrow too. All I can say is that, the gifts I got today were given with much love and warmth. I may be older today, but I'm just so glad that my last 25 years have been worthwhile. The SMSes, well-wishes, hugs, and gifts speak volumes of God's favour upon me. Praise God forever and ever, Amen!

Good Friday? I say GREAT Friday!

Yesterday was eventful! I was supposed to get baptised tomorrow on Good Friday at East Coast Beach with several other church members at around 8.30 a.m.

Lo and Behold, I got a call at 6.30 a.m. in the morning. Suspecting it was a morning call from a kind someone I arranged to give a lift to, I picked up my mobile phone and saw my colleague's name flashing on the screen and instantly I knew it was work beckoning. Immediately I took the call and she sounded apologetic about waking me up on a public holiday so early in the morning.

"Char, sorry to wake you up so early," she said sheepishly.

I was exceptionally calm. Maybe cos' it was wee hours if not usually I'll be excited when there are incidents--we don't get many in Singapore not that it's something to be jumping up for joy about. Gimme a break man...the job's still pretty new to me so the romantic notion of being "activated" for some big thing really sends my adrenaline pumping!

"Sure no problem, I can be there at seven," I replied after getting more details of the case.

"Okay, see you there at 7.15," she quickly responded.

"Alright then. See you then!" I said with relief at the extra grace time given cos' I was starting to doubt my ability to get there at the time I offered so rapidly without much thought. Hehe, thought of myself as some police woman being activated for some exciting case!

I put down the phone and called my friend to say that I won't be able to give him a ride and messaged my other friend that I've got to work and won't be able to make it for the Baptism. Then I changed into something (I thought was quite in line with my impression of the dreessing worn by a female CID ASP), grabbed my duffle bag with my change of clothes for the Baptism and my pre-packed activation kit.

Anyway, got there two minutes late eventually (didn't consider the parking time and I made a slight detour). Phew, thank God she suggested 7.15! I walked into the NPC and there was my colleague sitting down and talking to one officer. They ended their conversation and she reported everything she knew to me.

Next minute, another colleague of mine came and us three ladies discussed the case in a nice waiting room with comfy couches.

"Boss is coming later also," my first colleague informed. Yep, he's always so ready to respond; so passionate about his work!

There I sat on the couch as we were waiting and I got an SMS from my friend from church suggesting whether I could go for the baptism instead and hand my work over to my colleagues. I stiffened up and mulled over the options. At that moment, the dilemma struck me. How should I honour God in this situation? Work or God? Was this a test of my priorities?

So I weighed out everything:

• This is my first formal activation as a new psych
• I was on the duty roster; it's my responsibility
• It's not as if I'm going back to office to do filing or paperwork
• I'm rendering help

BUT

• It IS my Baptism day--something which I've been holding off so long cos' of my stupid pride and rationalisation (1. was baptised as a baby in Catholic church; 2. I've been in church for so long now and I'm much older than the other youths being baptised)
• It was a step of obedience to go for Baptism, was I going to back-out?
• There were three other people who could clearly manage the situation
• I already showed face anyway, not that I shrugged my duties
• Told my colleagues and they did assure me that it was alright to go

My pride got the better of me. I refused to relinquish my role there and then.

"Nah it's okay, I can don't go for Baptism," I swiftly declined after they said it was okay for me to go. My mind was still doing the permutations. I looked at my clock and decided to make a decision 10 minutes later after praying to God for wisdom on what to do.

Ten minutes passed. There was an unsual calm and peaceful feeling in my heart--the power of prayer. I called my pastor when I slipped out to get some brochures from the kit in my car.

"I was about to call you," he said when he heard my voice. I explained my situation.

"No problem, I understand. You do your work," he assured me.

"Pastor, I will try my best to some after my work. Think I might be able to make it".

"Okay, you can come before 1 p.m. We'll be here (at East Coast) till then".

At that moment, that knot in my mind disentangled. I knew I would be able to reach a win-win situation. I could even go to the hospital to visit the casualty before going for Baptism. God was gracious. He not only allowed me to do my work, but also enabled me to get baptised. Praise God! I never expected that but with a simple prayer and weighing all the options and deciding based on what I believe is right, all went well! He is awesome and amazing isn't He!

It was a dilemma. But it was one where two important priorities clash and a choice had to be made. Though I chose work initially, I knew I could do it guilt free after much rationalising but I eventually called my pastor and left it up to God to decide for me and He did. That saved me from a guilt trip and brought me to that win-win situation. God was my priority and I should honour Him, so I prayed. Isn't it great when you try your best to put Him first.

Everything ended at 10 a.m., giving me sufficient time to drive down to East Coast. Thank God it was also more convenient to go from the hospital compared to my house. Reached there and was welcomed by a warm and familiar crowd. My church members started asking why I was so late and I had to repeat my account several times. I got changed and went for the immersion into the sea after prayer after giving a short testimony in front of everyone. I shared how my prideful nature prevented me from getting Baptised earlier. It was a quick Baptism and I got out amidst the singing of my church people. People came over to congratulate me and extend some hugs despite my wet attire. I felt so touched!

Subsequently, we played games and had loads of fun just participating as a youth team. Later on, I went home and got some chores done--ironing, sweeping, etc. Really felt so productive that day! Then I got prepared for PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. Got free tickets from my uncle--very blessed!

When I went over to my cousin's place to meet them and set off for the show, both gals looked decked out so glamourously for the night. There I was dumbstrucked (but I hid it well), I was so underdressed! Apparently, these free tickets come with a pre-show cocktail and desserts during the interval. The reception was attended by some pretty rich people and there was free-flow on wine and drinks. Felt so bad about being so underdressed! Oh well, it wasn't so bad. Singaporeans are kinda casual and some of the people who attended the cocktail weren't so formally attired. Anyway, the cocktail was so cool! The food was nice and the service was top-notch. We got goodie bags with the programme booklet for free too! That was such a huge blessing for me cos' I wasn't intending to buy tickets to watch the show. My cousing actually told me that my uncle had an additional free ticket and the people who were invited to take it weren't able to make it so he thought of me!

The show was spectacular. Effects were superb, singing was excellent and inspiring. God, I wish I could sing so flawlessly. Loved the haunting tunes and the orchestra played so brilliantly! There was good company and I managed to catch up with my cousins before the show. What a wonderful blessing from the Lord. I really loved the show and am looking forward to watch it again next time (maybe in New York or London in a proper theatre--Esplanade was good (they can block all mobile phone reception!) but I had a neckache throughout the show). Few days back I was at "The Crystal Mirror" held at the Padang watching European acrobats perform and enjoying a four-course fine dining world class cuisine, and rubbing shoulders with directors and international performers (all free somemore!), and there I was back in the city watching Phantom. I'm such a pampered gal! God sure loves me (and of course He loves you the same). Guess His ways are mysterious but I sure am savouring all these little blessings!

Whew! Good Friday? I say it was GREAT Friday man!

Praise the Lord!

I just completed my viva voce! Finally. I'm only left with the panel evaluation (gotta prep the slides tomorrow), but I'm still rejoicing! The Lord reigns cos' I wouldn't have made it without Him. The following illustration shared by Pastor few weeks back aptly describes how I feel right now...it was used as an example of humility. For me, it just describes how I feel exactly about God's hand in everything--all He had done for me. Amen!

Alex Haley is a Pulitzer Prize-winning author best known for Roots (1976), his ancestral saga encompassing the entire African-American experience, and The Autobiography of Malcolm X (1965). He put up a picture in his office, showing a turtle sitting atop a fence. The picture is there to remind him of a lesson he learned long ago: ‘If you see a turtle on a fence post, you know he had some help'. The turtle couldn't have made it up there cos' turtles don't climb. It only could have gotten there by the hand of God.

I've survived the stormy days!

Finally, my PMS has lifted! Well, at least for today. Suddenly felt that sense of joy and that bundle of energy which were once so familiar return into my longing embrace! Sorry for the drama...but I can't contain that happiness. Things are starting to look bright again! Hopefully, it will sustain and see me through the next tumultuous and arduous period of completing my VIVA. It has been a long suffering source of stress!

Thanks for all your prayers, people! God had been so faithful to me. I had been suffering from abnormal heart palpitations for a while since 2004 (the darkest moments of my life--during my final year when I had to complete my thesis). The GP told me it was a stress reaction and gave me some sedating pills. Since then, they would come and go. They faded off for a while in 2005, but came back with a vengeance in 2006. When they did occur, I would feel breathless and uncomfortable. My heart would pump extra hard. But this year, during an altar call at Vivo City, Pastor Simon prayed for me and I asked for healing. Soon after, these sensations faded away slowly. For a few weeks now, they have not been occurring. Praise the Lord! It is truly His healing power that I've experienced.

Phew...that was close!

Almost thought I'd be in serious trouble. Last night, I was having a whale-of-a-time with me mates from the office (had tremendous fun, you guys!). We had dinner at Far East and then headed to Coffee Bean at Borders for a chit-chat-talk-cok-sing-song-play-mahjong session. So much laughter and fun we had at the table....we even started making plans for a trip to Taiwan together (hmmm....wonder whether it will crystalise and bear fruit eventually but it's nice to think of holidays isn't it?).

Then something ominous took place...well maybe not to that extent. But somehow I just felt that I needed to leave (okay, I admit partly because of "War and Beauty", that latest Channel U Hong Kong show at 10 p.m. weekday nights. But anyway in the end I got caught in that horrible jam because the Jalan Anak entrance/exit into PIE was sealed cos' of a landslide or something to that extent...and I missed the show---okay, I can imagine those toothy grins on you monkey faces now -.-)

Anyway, fortunately I left earlier (not finding excuses, guys) cos' someone had been trying to contact me on my phone for ages and I left my phone in my bag and had no idea of that. I had done something very wrong (uh oh...) and got that person into trouble (not going to mention the details, just going to use this platform to say a big SORRY to that person and THANK YOU for your kindness and understanding). After contacting him and finding out about the mess I got him into, I took that long, slow dramatic walk back to the car. As I walked I just prayed and surrendered the situation to God.

Lo and behold, God answered our prayers. We were saved by his grace! Thank God for not letting us get into serious trouble. I think I'll probably exercise more caution now and not cause any problem for my friend anymore. He was very gracious and I'm really appreciative of his forgiveness (love you man...heh!) Guess I should also take it as a lesson from God to really put in effort to be obedient and to concern ourselves with purity. Sometimes what we think may be harmless does not make it a lesser wrong.

Suffered the Triple 'D' Threat today!!!
Depressed-Disappointed-Discouraged

BUT...

Thank God for colleagues (who are more than colleagues to me!)
who show their care and concern for me by asking whether I'm okay...who are always willing to listen to me...I really love you guys and gals!

Thank God for prayers
was so frustrated (to the point that I did cry) this morning by work circumstances but I prayed and God answered them...was really thinking of packing my bags and leaving this job but I counted my blessings--the friends, my boss who is super supportive, and the work that I like doing! Received a timely sms prayer in the afternoon as well...felt touched!

Thank God for His goodness!
He's always so faithful this God of ours! I hope He'll continue to help me appreciate my circumstances and give thanks in everything. I pray that He'll also forgive me for times when I fall prey to negativity.

YAY! Survived the Triple 'D' Threat!