Whoo...hoo...I'm back!!

Today, Mona reminded me that I haven't updated my blog in a while...(heh, know what you are thinking gal...how come I'm blogging right now when I can be shouting "taboo" at Rach's...hehe. Oops going to get "hantum" when I step into office on Mon).

Anyways, yah it's been such a long time since I've blogged. Somehow haven't got much inspiration too..guess I'm the "EMO"-kind and when I get into the reflective or intellectual (the former more than the latter...), then I get the urge to blog. My brain's been quite scattered (scatterbrain!) the past few weeks and I haven't been clear-minded enough to think. Was kinda afraid...thought I won't recover and I got some brain prob or something (serious...for a while I was scared) cos' I really felt sea-sick for days and I haven't been on a PCG patrol craft or something like that. Haven't been so sick like that in ages. I guess the ParaC Day and the Viva (my two giants) really kept my body on battle-mode but I didn't have the time (couldn't afford to anyway...) to fall ill and after the Viva...it just gave way like an overstretched rubberband. Still remember that morning I fell sick...was scheduled to conduct a PSC interview and that queasy feeling and the muscle aches were beginning to set in...affected my mood and I threw a tiny tantrum at work over a file that went missing for a while (which I'm kinda apologetic...very guilty over that weekend). Sorry some of them had to see that...-.-

Anyways, that sea-sickness (floating kind of dizzy...not the usual spinning kind...the third doctor I saw defined the two kinds for me...) followed me for days. Went for a course on negotiation and I was really looking forward to it (ever since I attended one day of a similar course conducted last year when I joined)...but when that floating sensation interfered with my mind and I had to give some of the exercises, esp. the more challenging ones a miss, I was worried that I won't be assessed and also won't be competent enough to be on the team eventually. Finally managed to squeeze out one rational thought through that clouded thinking. If I had to take care of my health, I had to...and if it means giving up being part of the team (and being able to experience some "action" next time) then I had to...But anyway, think it isn't so bad. Hopefully they will let me join the team. Tried to use some reverse psych (actually it's just rationalisation) on myself by telling myself that on the flip side if I don't make it I won't have to be activated wee hours of the night if a real incident were to happen...heh.

Okay, so basically I have been ill...oh no going on and on about it...don't be mistaken, not wallowing in self-pity. Really wanna get well and be up and running. Miss the gym...miss the jogging. Also, I had so many things I was looking forward to after Viva! All the goals I set for myself this year...anyways, slowly getting back on track and planning my next steps. Wanna do some volunteering, reading, give myself a treat---maybe a new hairdo, have some slumbers, plan for the outreach prog, study for you-know-what, aiyo...list goes on. Was so upset when I got ill and had to shelve these plans. Most of all the past one month or so...the busyness kept me away from God. I felt a little distant...esp. during Viva prep. It was madness...the late nights just made me so tired and that made morning QT quite an uphill task. Really trying to get back on track now. Praise God, the past few QTs have been great. The chapters I'm reading now have really been impacting my heart. Just wanna share something about obedience and life:

Here's a little section on obeying God from my study bible which I really like and wanna commit to doing...

Deuteronomy 8:1 tells us to obey God's commandmants and we do this with...

1. Our HEART--by loving Him more than any relationship, activity, achievement or possession. (I'm really glad that I'm madly in LOVE with HIM!)

2. Our WILL--by committing ourselves completely to Him

3. Our MIND--by seeking to know Him and His Word, so His principles and values for the foundation of all we think and do.

4. Our BODY--by recognizing that our strengths, talents and sexuality are given to us by God to be used for pleasure and fulfillment according to His rules and not ours. (Amen, so we can't waste away our lives...self care is important too!)

5. Our FINANCES--by deiciding that all of the resources we have ultimately come from God, and that we are to be Managers of them not Owners. (This reminds me to be humble and not become complacent cos' although He won't take them away forcefully--the Lord is merciful--He can prevent us from using them).

6. Our FUTURE--by deciding to make service to God and man the main purpose of our life's work. (I put a star beside this one in my bible cos' I'm at the point in my life where I'm seriously thinking about my future plans and I really wanna this purpose to be the cornerstone of everything I do in my life!)

As for the part on LIFE...was reading Mind Your Body this week and there was this article in the Mind Matters section (really like this cos' it has topics relevant to resilience and positive psych) about Aristotle and Happiness. They were saying how Happiness is not so much a destination but rather a journey of pursuing some meaning in your life. Was also reading in the bible about how Jesus mentioned in Matthew 4:4 that man does not live on bread alone but on the Word of God! There was this point in my study bible about how many people think that life is based on satisfying their appetites--earning money to dress well, eat well, play well--that's the good life, but truly these things do not satisfy our deepest longings. Many times, we end up empty and dissatisfied even after these so called needs are met. Real life according to Moses in Deuteronomy 8:3 comes from total commitment to God, the one who created life itself. It requires DISCIPLINE, SACRIFICE, and HARD WORK and that's why most people never find it. I guess it's really closely linked to what Aristotle had in mind...that happiness is really something we have to work for through life and that requires a purpose we are living for. When there is a goal to achieve, it always involves what Moses' had in mind I guess...discipline, sacrifice and hard work--the ingredients for reaching life goals. At the end of the day, when you achieve that purpose you look back and feel like you scaled Mount Everest!

Oh dear...been rattling on and on...just wanted to capture these on my blog before I forget. Don't mind the sentances...okay shall stop here for now. I just love life and wanna embrace it with that purpose in mind! Amen!