Enter into the Garden of Gethsemane

There are points in our lives where we feel alone. We are in a place where no one else can come with us. It could be sickness; it could be an exam; it could be anything that we need to confront on our own. Our families and friends cannot suffer the illness for us, nor can they take the test on our behalf. The Lord puts us through trials so that WE can be molded and refined; we need to brave the challenges in order to be changed.

In those moments, we don't have to act heroic. We don't need to, in Singaporean terms, geh kiang. Easier said than done. That's what I always do: try so hard on my own, struggle on my own and eventually wallow in self-pity when things don't turn out the way I like them to be. We don't have to carry the burden, the yolk, on our own. You see, when Jesus entered into the garden of Gethsemane, he started off by praying this "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me" He fell with his face to the ground and faced God in His frail humanity, in honesty and in sorrow. He acknowledged His human nature. Likewise, we can enter into that same place and cry out to God, be broken before Him and admit that vulnerability you possess.

But note what the Lord said thereafter. He continued by praying this "Yet not as I will but as You will. He allowed God to override His own humanly desire. Is it resignation? Nope, it is an act of submission and obedience to the One who is all-knowing and almighty, the One who knows what's best for us when we don't most of the time. What does it mean to surrender to the Lord then? This is something that we always tell ourselves and tell the ones we love. But what does it entail specifically. First and foremost, what is within our ability is to stop struggling. Stop trying too hard. Stop bashing through the jungle. Be still, talk to God and praise Him. Go into the presence of God. Go into the garden of Gethsemane to meet Him.

This was a message that really touched me on Sunday when I heard the pastor preach the Word of God. I have been struggling and floundering and trying to keep afloat on my own, doing all it takes in my own wisdom to achieve the success I want. It's tiring and when things don't go smoothly, it is easy to beat yourself and find reasons to blame yourself. You start questioning why you can't do this. We are not invincible and rejoice in that because that keeps us plugged into God's resources; we realize that we need to stay close to God to survive. That's a true blessing that often goes unnoticed.

Here is a link to a song that we sang at service this Sunday. Check this out if you want to know what it means to surrender!

Marc James' Surrender

Commonality in Diversity

(extension of previous post)

I was watching the Tyra Banks Show on bleaching skin (perhaps it was shown today because of MJ's recent demise), and found the content very relevant to my previous blog post. Tyra was interviewing a group of African American women. One of them had really dark skin, which she dubbed "slave-black", and another 2 had skin that resembled that of caucasian women. They were at opposite ends of the spectrum. The dark-skinned lady was lamenting how she felt disadvantaged compared to the Black women with relatively whiter skin. The other 2 were relating past accounts of being ridiculed by their African American peers, and being checked as "White" by a police officer when booked for speeding. These ladies began to dispute about whose plight was more unfavorable, and finally Tyra tried to round up the conflict by getting them to think about their commonalities.

Apparently, some women in a bid to lighten their skin use bleach (those used for clothes!) on their faces and bodies. Others not only bleach their own skin, but also do it for their own children. Other than bleaching, some had contempt for their own hair texture; they found it of "lower class". Tyra also had her producer interview some young Black girls on TV and they all had something in common--a dislike for the typical coarse, fizzy Afro hair. It was so saddening hearing kids talked about being made fun of because of their hair. There was this one girl who said she thought people liked her better when she wears her Hannah Montana wig.

Though I'm not African American and will never be able to understand how they feel, I just felt so sad watching the program. There were obviously larger themes of stereotypes and stigma involved. Whether its actual or perceived, stigma has seeped into how people view themselves and choose to dissociate with their own heritage. Many are banking on Barack Obama's presidency to change such perceptions. Psychologists are trying to understand how his presidency has changed racial attitudes. The picture seems hopeful.

Commonality in Diversity

It's been a long while since I updated this blog on a regular basis. The motivation to pick it up and start writing again after such a hiatus was truly derived from friends that recently told me that they felt encouraged reading some of my entries. I never really expected that. Firstly, because I haven't written anything in a while, and secondly perhaps because I never really believed that people would read such stuff and be touched, be inspired, or acquire new insights. Upon reflection, I guess the main reason why I blog is because some things that I ponder about, for example a message or a learning lesson I draw from observing the world, sound pretty good in my head ;) Besides, an idea will always remain an idea if it remains in the mind. If it were a bad idea then remaining in the mind or eradicating it altogether wouldn't be a bad thing. But if it were a good one then it ought to be shared on a platform so that people can potentially translate it into an action or even a movement! Whiffs of idealism brewing...:D

Back to the subject of "commonality in diversity". It was on the shuttle ride back to my apartment in the Bronx that this catchphrase bobbed into my mind. I can only attribute this to the reflections of home (i.e., Singapore) I had earlier on, and the realization that I've slowly begun to become accustomed to life in NYC. Scanning around the subway station and studying how people scoot home during the rush-hour made me feel so embedded in the context and that I was a part of that social and cultural environment. This sounds kinda vague; I can't really put it into words. The bottom line is I've gotten used to life here. Everything that was foreign to me a while back had become a familiar sight: the subway scene at peak hours, the sunlight at 7 o'clock, the noisy streets of Manhattan, etc. The "barriers" that once made me feel separated from the crowd--the different skin colors and hair colors, the American accent, etc., which were all so surreal to me at the beginning (as though I had stumbled into a hollywood set)--have waned away.

The driver of the shuttle made a comment about the remarkably smooth ride to the Medical Center (the stop before he takes passengers back to the Bronx from campus). The traffic condition was absolutely fantastic. Then he prattled on about earlier trips when traffic was horrible and cars congested the roads, and talked about how one could avert the traffic buildup on Riverside Drive by taking the Broadway rout and how it was sometimes a better option despite the number of traffic lights found along Broadway. I immediately thought how "Un-different" that was from the mindset of a Singaporean driver! I began to see how much commonality there is amidst that diversity we all talk about in the world.

We often notice how different we are from each other, but fail to recognize how similar in actual fact we are to one another. Whether in Singapore or NYC, there are commuters who likewise dash into trains without allowing passengers to alight first, and there are those who refuse to move into the carriages when the trains are full. Whether in Singapore or NYC, we get impatient when we're caught in traffic jams and upset when we miss the bus. In psychology experiments, we see the same social phenomena happening in the US and many times the same results are replicated in other countries--in China, in Singapore, in Europe, all over the world. Sure, you may see differences in the way people from different cultures behave from time to time, but I believe that we are actually a lot more similar than dissimilar.

This makes me think back about the times when I was either in a class, an ECA or a youth group. There were always those cliques that started to form as so-called like-minded people clustered together to form their own little community. There is nothing wrong in that. It happens, it's natural and it's called group dynamics. Different groups of people may uphold different values, have different likes and dislikes, and have different dress sense. When I recall these instances, however, I think of how ideal it would have been for the various cliques to have focused on the commonalities they all shared instead of the things that set them apart. In social psychological terms, it would have been ideal if different groups were able to engage in perspective-taking and formulation of a shared goal.

There is so much talk about diversity right now in this day and age. It is being celebrated, and it took humanity a long time to reach this stage where we respect each other's differences. But above all, we should also remember what binds us together and the commonalities that we share. We all like peace and we all feel grouchy when we don't get enough sleep!

If Christians could remember how they share the same God and not how different they are in their views and beliefs...that would be ideal...:)

Unconditional Love Displayed Conditionally

It's nicely captured in that title, I guess. Yep, that's how it is with my pup. He's a cutesy, girley, Brenheim (meaning white and brown coat), King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. His name is Chewie, and I think from the likes of it, the name is perfectly apt in describing him--chewing is his favorite pastime now and I hope not forever. He's 4 pounds now and as tiny as a boot. Whenever he sits still in his favorite toy dog position, he looks like a stuffed animal.

Yesterday, as per everyday, I was awakened by his squeaky yelps and moans around 8am (he is definitely the morning lark and not the late-night owl). In my fuzziness, I discovered a "lovely" little mess the boy had made. Because an abruptly awakened person is seldom a happy one, I lost my cool though it was largely watered down cos' at the back of mind I was aware he was still a puppy who wasn't the best at holding his poop and pee. Nonetheless, I was grouchier than Oscar and his Grouchketeers.

So what exactly was the damage? There was poop on my bathroom mat, which was one of his favorite lying spots, and to my horror, I found the same beige mat that I adored to be gnawed and frayed at the corners with stray threads littered beside it. I was mad!! I gave Mr Chewie several spanks on his butt and topped them with a furious scolding. Clearly afraid and guilt-ridden, the young mister hurried back to his crate and lay on his towel with full knowledge that he had done something wrong.

Unconditional love with a conditional display. It's difficult not to love this pup especially when he's cute and affectionate: he seizes every chance to scramble into your lap when you sit on the carpet; he loves to lick your toe (though most of the time he bites with his new set of milk teeth!); and he never fails to amuse whenever he straightens his neck upon hearing the doorbell in the Tacobell ad on TV. It's so easy to love him unconditionally, yet at times I get so mad that extending such love becomes an exceptional feat.

On the other hand, his unconditional regard for me (despite the numerous dressing downs he gets when he sets me up on an anger trail) makes it difficult to not reciprocate that affection. However, with puppies, showing that love conditionally helps them understand their limits and boundaries; it becomes necessary to dispense external and social reinforcers when they behave, and punish, confine or deny them of their reinforcement when they go out of line. Hence, the title "Unconditional Love Displayed Conditionally".

I learn a couple of things from this conditional-appearing, unconditional love that I have for Chewie:

1. Loving something adorable is simple. But when that love object messes up, when that love object shows disdain for you, or even when that love object is simply externally unattractive, the task of loving becomes a chore. But God doesn't treat His love for us like a chore or task; he simply loves us unconditionally although we screw up sometimes, although we make a mess of our own lives, and although we show our disdain for Him. Loving us unconditionally is what He does best.

Chewie, when he was still lying in his bed with the right side up

(now he likes to flip it and lie on the other side!)

2. Chewie always flaunts his unconditional regard for me without hesitation. One could say that that's his natural instinct. Even though I shower him with conditional-appearing love, he still maintains that same regard for me. I'm not drawing parallels between my God and my Chewie (God forbid that!). What I'm saying is, despite my conditional praise and worship for God in my life (I pray when I need help, and sing His praises when I feel like it), God never despises that little I give Him. He always accepts it and He loves me unconditionally nonetheless.

Chewie fast asleep on my lap (Lap-Dog!!)

3. Because of the soft spot I have for Chewie in my heart. I always find it easy to forgive him when he misses the pee pad when he aims his pee, when he bites my toe or chews my mat, or when he knows he's pooped improperly and tries to cover that up by eating his poop (this is just a conjecture but you get the picture yah). And likewise the soft spot God has for each one of us makes it such that He'll always forgive us and love us the same even when we do things that hurt Him or make Him angry.

There's Chewie sitting in his toy dog position on the bathroom mat

4. Finally, sometimes it can seem that God's love appears conditional. When we worship Him with our lives, sometimes (not always of course) things are smooth; when we refuse to demolish the idols we set up for ourselves in our lives, things happen to make us go back to God. Such conditional-seeming favor is present to mold us. Remember God's motive is always to prosper us and not to destroy us. The same unconditional love I have for Chewie exists in spite of the conditional affection I shower him with.

Chewie fast asleep in his bed with his stuffed ring toy

Life is not the same with the pup. Especially with the first few months things get way out of hand. I wake prematurely, the cleaning at home becomes doubled, the distance I have to travel just to bring him for shots (that's a whole story altogether!), and of course the extra expenses I incur, all make me regret getting him at times. But the unconditional love he gives me and the same love I reciprocate makes these thoughts vanish and dissipate. And of course, the hope that this is just a phase helps me get by each day!