"Out of sight, out of mind" vs.
"Absense makes the heart grow fonder"?

Hmm...not too sure what to blog about today...but I really wanna make a new entry. Humans are a fascinating lot aren't we? Is it possible to be so madly in love with someone in the past, but have absolutely no feelings whatsoever anymore? Been watching "My Name is Kim Sam Soon"... gonna complete the whole series soon. It's really funny and cute, but what intrigued me was how Jin Hun, the male lead, could suddenly regain his feelings for his first love and then the next moment realises that he had fallen in love with Sam Soon. Perhaps it's like what my colleague said, when Hee Jin (the first love whom I think is really pretty, charming and fun) came back after leaving for the States for three years without any phone call whatsoever, all the memories came back to Jin Hun and he thought and assumed that he still loved her...or apparently so. Subsequently, he realised that the one he really liked was Sam Soon. After thinking about what my colleague hypothesised and reflecting on it, I guess it's possible. You can be so attached to someone in the past, but absence does not make the heart grow fonder, human feelings are not like God's love for us--constant and everlasting--they waver...they can fade. Memories no matter how strong they are can only trigger nostalgia, but they can be buried deep in the heart and never resurface to see the light again. We're all so spoilt for novelty. Check out the Straits Times and you'll see tons of adverts promoting different sorts of mooncakes--healthy ones w/ strawberry yoghurt and muesli, local faves like chempedek and durian, ice-cream-filled ones like sticky choc and old fashioned vanilla. Sometimes when you know someone so well, spending time with that person becomes so predictable and in worse situations, boring. Are all romantic relationships bound for that outcome? Maybe that's why relationship experts always suggest that couples occasionally inject some novelty (I mean new activities...don't think 'crooked' please) into their relationship by doing something different. Relationships require effort...."out of sight, out of mind"...especially when there are other fun stuff keeping you occupied. Am I adopting a very morbid outlook toward relationships? Anyways, one thing for sure is that some human relationships can be very circumstantial--ammenable to change by situational factors--but God will never sever ties with us. He's unchanging and His unceasing love endures forever. Whatever it is, relationships require effort, be it human or divine. With God, we need to seek Him daily in our quiet time, praise and worship at church, through good times, through trials and tribulation...With humans, it's spending time together and expressing our affection for each other through words and actions. As long as God is in the picture, He can be the cement between the couple and seal their relationship as one. Obedience to God is the essence to a lasting romantic relationshipbetween a Christian couple. Well, going to finish watching the Korean drama serial...the first ever I've completed...really like it. Am a 'Sam Soon' fan now--she's simply hillarious!

Confessions of an OBSESSIVE Foodie

I'm driving myself crazy with my eating habits! And when I mean 'crazy', I refer to 'paranoia', 'obsessive', 'depression' and 'anxiety'--pre-onset symptoms of psychological dysfunction. No exaggerations. This is a cry for help; a signal of distress; an SOS call! Funny thing is I have this unusual calm on the exterior, but an uncontrollable emotional tug-of-war raging in my mind that transmits guilt impulses throughout my entire system. It's spawning into some kind of learned helplessness (it began as something that I felt I was in full control of--that I could adjust my eating habits and diet anytime, and go back to the old school where discipline reigned and char kuay teow didn't matter--I mean this figuratively, not exactly a die-hard fan of the 'delicacy'). Help, Lord!

Everything seems to be working against me: the ongoing International Makan Festival seems to dole out food by the min; the stash at my house keeps crying out to me; and the lust for food extends to the marketplace--the best hokkien mee, Japanese novelty desserts, Chendol ice-cream, mee siam (mai hum), etc...I miss the days when tuna in a can was so gratifying and slices of softmeal were heavenly. Now, my palates are being spoilt for choice and being tantalised everyday. My fridge gets frequent visits and the screws attached to the cupboard doors in my kitchen are loosening each day. My stomach is a Black Hole!

Guilt sets in and spurs me on to run more and more every week. Then confusion sets in and I don't know whether my increased appetite is due to the rise in metabolism or pure gluttony. And I ask myself when can I fit into my two pairs of jeans that I cannot buckle anymore when I put them on now (three actually, haven't tried my skinny jeans which are so 'in' now but I lack the courage to take that stab). My booty's going to match J Lo's soon--sad to say I don't have her tiny waist and killer curves.

I need help...I need to keep to my word (I've been telling myself to diet for weeks now--strictly speaking I am on one...a sinful carbs and sugar-ladan diet!). I want to have balance in my life. Not turn vegan or become a 'Kate Moss'--or in Sing context a "Pat Mok"! I just want to be slim again and not stumpy lil' Dopey from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (and defintely not dress like him too...to conceal the unsightly flab!) Yikes, my dad just called me "bak bak(4)". There was this recent article in the Life section about this guy who was dissing girls who pecked at their food and counted calories religiously (I used to be like that and of course slimmer, not too sure whether happier though). No, I don't want to be a guy detractor!

Nowadays I enjoy my food tremendously (feel liberated after my 'breaking of fast' of 'sinful' food). The shiokness spells it all on my face and I guess people around me are amazed initially by the immense gratification I display, but even more stunned by my humongous appetite for a 'still' petite and tiny-framed gal. Been getting more signs that I need to take drastic action about my diet--among them was "shou(4) shen(1) nan(2) nu(3)" on Channel U yesterday starring Andy Lau and Sammie Cheng who were trying to desperately lose weight. Looking at the mirror's becoming as dreadful as seeing my report card after a lousy lit paper. That's why my back's been suffering cos' of the killer heels I've been wearing to deceive myself of my stumpiness.

My new role-model is Drew Barrymore. It always amazes me how she manages to survive in an industry where stockiness is valued and just a inch of flab bulging from your stomach is captured and ridiculed at in the 'un-glam' section of People magazine. She's so comfortable being in her own skin (wanted to quote something she said that was featured in "Her World" but can't recall the exact words...something about rather being fat than not eat properly). Really admire that. Below are some other quotes from her that I quite like. Find her remarkable also because she had survived drugs and depression, with a wonderfully positive attitude and zest for life.

Gotta start praying for discipline and for food to not govern my life anymore. Sometimes I feel that I'm just filling the emptiness in my life with food. I hate that! I want it back to the way it was before, when calories didn't matter and hunger pangs didn't torment me. Help, Lord. I need Your divine hand in this. My mind has no rein over my desires anymore. Take control and rid me of this horrible 'idol' I need to cease kow-towing to. Help Lord. This is my cry of desperation and plea. I don't want to be a slave to my taste buds anymore. Take control, take the wheel and steer me out of this obsession. Thank you Lord. I put my faith in You alone. Help me not to take things into my own hands but rely on Your strength and wisdom. Praise be to You alone, Amen.

Drew Barrymore quotes:

1. God made a very obvious choice when he made me voluptuous; why would I go against what he decided for me? My limbs work, so I'm not going to complain about the way my body is shaped. Drew Barrymore

2. I believe that everything happens for a reason, but I think it's important to seek out that reason - that's how we learn. Drew Barrymore

3. I don't want to be stinky poo poo girl, I want to be happy flower child.

4. I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end. Drew Barrymore

5. I never want to get to the point where it's all about my needs, and the hell with anybody else. Drew Barrymore

6. I understand there are inevitable things that we have to go through: heartbreak, famly problems. I don't feel like some quixotic idiot who says, 'We don't have to feel pain.' No! Let's feel it, let's make it work for ourselves. But I want us all to be able to get past it. Drew Barrymore

7. I used to look in the mirror and feel shame, I look in the mirror now and I absolutely love myself. Drew Barrymore

8. I want people to be blown away when I do what they don't expect. Drew Barrymore

9. It's only through listening that you learn, and I never want to stop learning. Drew Barrymore Kisses, even to the air, are beautiful. Drew Barrymore

10. Life is very interesting... in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths. Drew Barrymore

11. My whole life, I've wanted to feel comfortable in my skin. It's the most liberating thing in the world. Drew Barrymore

12. There's something liberating about not pretending. Dare to embarrass yourself. Risk. Drew Barrymore

13. When things are perfect, that's when you need to worry most. Drew Barrymore

14. When you've been locked up in a mental institution, people are going to ask questions. It was OK, because I didn't have to act perfect all the time. Drew Barrymore

15. You've just got to do the best that you can. Drew Barrymore

BE TRANSFORMED!
Don't just go to church to be touched by God; be transformed.

Was invited to a powerful service on Sat evening by my friend. The worship was awesome. The worship leader was really annointed and gifted. Really enjoyed the experience with God. Was also very inspired during the service. Noted down a lot of worshipleading techniques that were excellent. Hope to apply them soon. Particularly memorable messages include the one above, as well as how God can go easily go unrecognised even when we're in His presence--focus on God and not the self.

STOP WHINNING!

There are many “SHOULDs” in life: “We should study hard and make our parents proud”; “We should not speak against the government”; “We should do whatever our parents tell us to do”; “We should get a university degree if not we cannot make it in life”; etc. There are so many unwritten “rules” that people sprout, especially in Singapore. In recent weeks, many foreign organisations are criticising our “lack of democracy” and “freedom of expression and speech”. Many civil organisations have appealed to the IMF/WB committee to request that they approach the government to grant them the right to protest. Singapore has however remained firm in her stand.

My point is...when we are given instructions to do things, e.g. in the office we are always ‘picked on’ to do errands that are either beyond our duties or on last minute notice, we need to try our best to meet that request. Many times things may not seem to flow with how we feel and would like, but we always have to remember our higher calling--to submit to authorities (see bible verses below). That’s not the tough part. The most difficult part is doing is without complaint. That’s a challenge because we all always fall into the “whining” trap. What's the point if we do things so grudgingly. That's not being Christ-like.

That doesn’t mean allowing ourselves to be exploited. We should be allowed to assert ourselves and our rights to a certain extent. But before we do that, always try to give others’ the benefit of the doubt by thinking in their shoes (“Did she give me that task to do only now because she had to wait for someone else to do his/her part?” “Is there a lack of manpower that is why I’m asked to do this?”). Learn to weigh the circumstances before jumping to a conclusion that the person's just a "mean old hag".

If you realise external circumstances like these do not exist and the person keeps “exploiting” you, then assert yourself politely but firmly. Never attack the person but express your feelings gently. If you don’t you may end up nursing a grudge, acting out some form of passive-aggression, or worst you could die unhappily and disgruntled at a much younger age than you could’ve potentially lived till if not for that latent anger that you’ve been carrying for the past decade! Remember, assert respectfully.

Submission to Rulers and Masters

13Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, 14or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. 15For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. 16Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. 17Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.

18Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. 20But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 22"He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." 23When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 24He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. 25For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

Whoa...it's been a while since my last entry. Don't really know what to blog now actually. Been quite tied up with stuff lately, but somehow things are still manageable. Praise the Lord! Think He's been arranging everything pretty neatly and nicely for me these past two weeks.

Somehow, I'm looking forward to my life each day. Feel a sense of optimism and gladness that I can serve the Lord in what I do each day and I want so much to be able to reflect His greatness and goodness in my life. That's why I'm going for the mission trip in Nov and another one in Dec. Can't wait to serve Him!

No inspiration on anything to share today. Just want to say that one's ATTITUDE does matter. In Psych, we learn so much about perception and its effect on the way we approach things or choose to react to circumstances. Just like how I choose to adopt a positive slant to rainy days. One day, I entered the lift with my colleague and he started talking about the rainy weather and how sian it made him feel. What came out of my mouth seemed so reflexive..."Yay, at least I don't have to water the plants!"

Sometimes, we need to learn to sieve out something positive out of a negative situation. The Lord may choose certain difficult circumstances to mold us into stronger beings. Remember, "a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor men perfected without trials". Learn to look at things in a positive light and life would definitely becoming worth the living!

Cheers!