Laundry virgin no more!!!

~Idiots-guide to doing your laundry in America~

Today, I did my laundry for the first time here in NYC. I felt like a fish out of water! For your info, Americans do their laundry very differently from how Singaporeans do. For one, they don't hang their clothes out to dry like how Heartlanders in Singapore do by hanging them on bamboo poles stuck through little pods outside their HDB windows. Americans dry their clothes and fabrics using huge dryer machines in a laundry room. Okay, let me backtrack a little. I'm sure some of you are familiar with how they do laundry here, but for the benefit of those who don't, please be patient while I explain the process. 

Firstly, you gather all your clothes in a laundry hamper that looks like this (hee, this is mine...super bo liao of me to snap a photo of it):

Alternatively, you can put them in a laundry bag that resembles one of those drawstring nylon bags. According to Mrs Shin, my landlady, the laundry hampers are very popular here. Some of them I found in the store have sorters (basically different compartments) for you to put your whites, colors, delicates, etc. separately. Some are more elaborate or made of tougher fabric. 

Next, you take your laundry to a laundry room. Most apartment buildings should have such facilities in their basements. If not, there are public ones, or laundry services available. The basement in my building has a laundry room, and in that room there are several washing machines, dryers, and laundry carts for you to put your laundry bags/hampers in. 

You can't use the machines for free; they require some form of payment. At UCLA, where I did my student exchange, I had to slot four quarters (that's 1 US dollar) into the washing machines at my dorm, each time to be able to use them. Back then, I always had to save my quarters (coins approximately the same size as Singapore's 20-cent coin that is equivalent to USD 25-cents) so that I had enough of them to do my laundry. Over here, I use a card with a magnetic strip that can be topped up. And each time I want to use the machine or dryer, I have to slot the card into the card-reader. Each washing cycle costs me USD 1.25, and if you want a super cycle (which I have no idea what the different is!) it costs 50 cents more. Each drying cycle costs 50 cents. If you are obsessive-compulsive about separating whites from colors, and delicates from non-delicates, etc., you might want to put them in different machines, and that means more money!! Looks like I'll be thinking twice about the clothes I buy and wear from now on. 

After loading the machine and making your payment, you select the time of washing you want (they have different settings for whites, etc.). And walah! Just wait for close to half an hour for your clothes to be done, come back and load them into the dryer. The dryer has its own settings for the amount of heat you want (i.e. high, medium, and low). It will spin for 15 minutes. And most of the time, your clothes will still be a little damp like how mine were today. You can choose to dry them in the dryer for a longer time or hang them up to dry naturally like how I did cos' I didn't wanna pay additional cost! 

Okay, this sounds like a boring thread. Sorry folks, running out of topics I guess. But this was something I found interesting. According to Mrs Shin, Korea is pretty similar to Singapore in that families own their own washing machines and hang out their clothes to dry. Haha, things are really different on this side of the world, even day-to-day washing can be so disparate! I really miss the convenience of using a washing machine in Singapore. Back home, I can just dump my clothes into my washing machine without paying a cent, and hang them to dry on bamboo pools when they're done. And most of all, back home I have my mum!!!! Haha...

There's no moral of the story attached to this posting. At least I can't find one for now. But all I can say is things are real different and it takes a little getting used to. I guess it's fun discovering new things and trying out stuff. And it probably helps me cultivate a form of independence I don't develop in Singapore. 

The painful truth about being a student!

Okay, no prizes for guessing (as usual), but do you know what the most painful truth about being a student is? Well, a student in a foreign land that is. Or rather, a student in a country where things are costlier and the currency is stronger than the one at home. Now now, that's quite a big giveaway. 

Ha ha, and yes! Being a full-time student bears the opportunity cost of income forgone. It is especially painful when all you can do is to helplessly observe the income you've saved up by working over the last couple of years deplete and drain away in a matter of months! Okay, that's not exactly my situation because I'm on a PM* scholarship. My savings are stored safely in a POSB account in Singapore, earning a meager amount of interest each year.

Anyway, please don't worry about me. I'm still surviving well. I won't resort to what many Americans who are dependent on unemployment welfare would do (i.e. to beg on the streets). They have stationed themselves at every nook and corner, and they probably compete among themselves for space! I'm fortunate that I don't have to buy many things for my room because I'm living in an apartment that is pretty well-furnished. I really didn't expect a television, a mini-fridge, and even a DVD player in my room! Some students end up with bare rooms or furniture that don't seem very clean or well-kept. 

 

The pain sets in when you need to spend money on daily and monthly expenses like food, toiletries, cell phone bills, rent, etc. These are much more expensive than what you get at home. There are no hawker centers and food courts here in NYC. All you can do is exercise prudence in your expenditure and befriend someone local or a senior from school who can tell you where to get cheap stuff. There are means to buy things at more affordable rates. Cook when you can and separate a portion of food you get at a restaurant for takeaway so you can eat it for your next meal at home. And oh yes, settle for less exclusive brands. I know this is painful for those of us who are more brand-conscious, and tricky for those of us who rely on prices to get a sense of product quality.  

Buying household items and eating out the past few days has been a learning experience. I've learnt a little on what is considered expensive over here and what I can do to reduce my expenses. Thank God for the PM scholarship! Otherwise, this course would have remained a figment of my imagination. Even if I did have a stipend, going by the market rate that psychology doctoral students get in the US (approximately USD 700, and that's if you get into a good school that pays you one), it's going to be extremely insufficient. It won't even cover my current rent! 

NYC is expensive and it's worse when you aren't earning over here. Although it is easy to envy my peers who are being paid and are climbing the corporate ladder in Singapore, I (and I really do speak for me only) like my life better! My future is a mystery to me right now, and it was worrying at first. But I revel in the suspense building up to an almost certain future that is orchestrated by God. It is also the same uncertainty that drives me to cling on tighter to Him. I'm glad I'm leading an adventurous life; I'm exploring new sights and experimenting with new cultures. It's tough but it's fun. Hope the surprise at the end of my journey will be a great one!!

*Ah yes, PM scholarship stands for Papa Mama Scholarship! :)

Lord, help me to do great things as though they were little, 

Since I do them in Your power.

And help me to do little things as though they were great, 

Since I do them in Your name. 

Life in NYC through sunflower lenses

Realized I haven't been blogging much about life here and what I've been busy with so far. Well, maybe except for the part about buying stuff, which you probably would have gathered from my account of the bad experience I had with the fan. 

Basically, I've been busy with many many administrative procedures. Getting prepared for school is no easy feat, especially since you've left school, like I have, for a while. In the past few days, I had to set up a new bank account, purchase a cell phone plan, check in at the Office of International Services, get my TC ID card done, register for modules, activate my email account, etc. And so many new numbers and passwords to remember!!! It's like starting a whole new life altogether--guess this is what people go through when they emigrate as well. My NRIC no. means nothing over here. All I have is a student ID which functions like a Social Security no. Getting all these things done also mean me having to navigate my way through the labyrinthine walkways and multiple buildings on campus. We've also been doing a whole lot of walking down Broadway to get the stuff we need, and finding places to eat. So much walking has really taken a toil on my lower back (Remember that time when I hurt my back because of the "over-shopping" in HK? Yep, that dreadful pain is back!) One can only survive here with a good pair of walking shoes. They walk a lot here in New York!

There are some cool stuff, of course. Columbia has been bustling with activity for the past few days. Scores of freshies have been swarming the campus. People are moving into dorms with mini refrigerators, computers, pillows, etc (so Legally Blonde!). Orientation programs are going on, so you see people forming circles on lawns around campus, tours going on around the buildings, queues of students forming at the Citibank branch on campus, and people carrying plastic bags from the Columbia bookstore. Speaking of the campus store, it is really neat (heh, I'm beginning to speak their lingo). They sell all kinds of Columbia merchandize like apparels (hoodies!!), mugs, car plates and decals, etc., household items like the water purifier I got, and books from Barnes & Nobles. We got us some T-shirts yesterday (among them is a Polo Ralph t-shirt with the word, Columbia, embroidered on it!). Haha, students here have so much pride in their school and I'm not the least surprised ;)

The Orientation programs here are pretty cool too. Apart from social events like ice-cream meetings where people network and make new friends, student volunteers (otherwise known as peer advisors or mentors) organize trips to stores like IKEA and Target for new students to get household items, visits to museums, and trips to watch performances, etc. I didn't go for all but chose those that I was interested in. Besides orientation, there are student activities like trips to watch a Yankees game, $1 movie events, etc. planned throughout the semester, and the fitness center has classes such as yoga and tennis that students can sign up for a fee. Sorry NUS, but the American unis really sound more fun and more creative at sprucing up a boring academic life!

Here are three things I've learnt about NYC (at least the part where I've been):

1. New Yorkers love dogs! Almost everyone owns at least one dog or more, and dogs are everywhere--in the stores, outside restaurants, at the park, everywhere! They walk their dogs a lot! According to some stats I found off the net, there are over 1.4 million dogs and over 500,000 dog owners in NYC itself. My landlady also owns a dog. It is so tamed and super friendly!

2. New Yorkers walk a lot! I think I mentioned it above. But really, people here love to loiter! And there are people who love to stand around on sidewalks, just doing nothing (unless you count people-gazing as doing something). Well, guess the weather's much more conducive than it is in Singapore. You see people lying on grass patches in NYC during summer! Maybe that's why people prefer to stay indoors in Singapore (except maybe at Little India and also HDB void decks at night) even if they have nothing to do. 

3. New Yorkers eat huge portions! Think this may not be anything new to you, but I have definitely witnessed and experienced this myself. The portions here are enormous! I'm slowly learning how to order food here so I don't end up having to buy 2 dress sizes up by the time I leave this country (or even worse, my next trip back to Singapore!). There are so may eateries around; you just can't escape the onslaught of temptation. And there are really many obese people in NYC (that can take up 2 seats on the subway and on the planes). No wonder obesity is a major crisis in this country!! 

More in the next posting. Ciao!

Recovering my Singaporean roots in NYC...

Little did I know that I would revert to my Singaporean ways here. It was quick and instinctive. You must be wondering what I'm referring to. Well, just to give you a blatant hint, I almost wanted to entitle this posting "Forgive me for whining; I am but only human!" 

It seems insanely human but ironic that I whine about Singapore and sing praises about the US when I am back home in the humidity and unbearable heat, and yet when I move to the US, my vision narrows only to zero in on the efficiencies and good of Singapore and the flaws and not-so-ideal of NYC. "The grass is always greener on the other side" does seem to have a hold on me. 

Well, it was a gradual reconciliation process I had with my whining ways since I touched down in New York. At the start, zeal and gratitude saturated my mind. It took a huge turn on Sunday night. That was the first night since we came that we stayed out later than usual. We were heading back toward campus at around 9 p.m. after a play at Central Park, and decided to get something to eat before we went back to our respective apartments. Trust me, walking in the streets of NYC at night is an eye-opener for the typical Singaporean (which I am, of course). Once in a while, we heard the blasts of a siren belonging to either a police car, ambulance or fire engine. Most of what we saw that night were mainly ambulances I think. Along the journey, there were people loitering around, homeless people lying outside churches, a few people from a certain group standing at the corner of streets...it was kinda creepy. There are many people in NYC that towered over us in terms of height, and outweighed us in terms of width, u' know. Thank God we made it home safe and sound--if not I won't be blogging now right? 

It just isn't as safe here as it is in Singapore, I guess. Some of the people in the streets LOOK pretty dangerous, and it gets especially scary when they walk by you or ask you for donations. It's also especially chilling when you hear people near you raising their voices as though anytime soon a brawl would break out (believe me, this has happened a few times in the daytime since I came). Haha but anyway just to assure you, Columbia area is pretty alright. Security within and outside of campus is kinda tight. In fact, a survey by U Penn revealed that it is actually the safest CITY campus in the country. We heard this during a talk by the public safety department during orientation. They presented all their safety precautions and measures, but also sent the message that we are responsible for own personal welfare and safety. Apparently, one in four women in college are victims of attempted rape or rape itself. Such a scary statistic! 

 

Okay, more serious whining came on Monday when I had to return the fan that finally collapsed on me. Fine. It wasn't as safe as it looked. On Saturday morning it fell and made a loud thump just as I was preparing to go out. But it wasn't my fixing that was lousy, it was a defect in the make of the fan. Oh well, I decided to bring it back to the store to negotiate for a return or exchange (as most Americans would frequently do--heard it is in their culture to return things within 7 days). The store was located between 105th and 106th Street, and my apartment is somewhere near 120-something. Walking close to 20 streets down Broadway is no laughing matter if you are carrying a standing fan (in a box, of course) and your back has been aching for the past few days! Anyway, I did it. I walked down Broadway in a leisurely pace to create less pressure on my lower back. When I got to the store, the storeowner graciously allowed me to exchange for a new fan (heh, after a little wheedling). Unfortunately, there weren't many to choose from. So I ended up picking a smaller one (which I found a little too tiny) and having to pay an additional 10 USD for it. Sighz. That was the best option for me then. Anyway, by God's grace, everything paid off. I didn't have to assemble the fan on my own, and it is now working very well in my room. Phew! However, I felt disgusted by myself when I finally reached my apartment with the fan in my hands. The whole time I was walking back, I was complaining profusely in my mind and throwing myself a little pity party...

Haha the next big party came soon later though. Guess whiny me had inadequate conviction. We stopped by this seemingly Jap eatery for dinner yesterday on our way back from getting our cell phones done (got a new number from AT&T!) I guess we were deceived by the outward appearances of the restaurant. We assumed they served authentic Jap food of a certain standard. However, when the sushi came, we gained new revelation. Never be fooled by the looks of a restaurant! The seaweed in the sushi was tough, the raw salmon in it wasn't as fresh as it should be, and the rolls were out of shape. The Udon came in a huge bowl with tempura prawns (or rather battered HALF-prawns--they were sliced into 2!) and tempura broccoli(?). I had an enormous portion of rice in my donburi. The rice was nice, just that it wasn't Japanese! It was good CHINESE rice. And the tempura on the rice had sticky, starchy and salty stuff stuck to it (it didn't taste bad but it just wasn't mainstream tempura!). And did I mention that the large mushroom in the bowl of udon had a huge stem attached to it? This should've been removed! 

There I go again. Whine, whine, whine. I mean, I could say I was critiquing the food. But I knew in my mind I was complaining. You know how sometimes you just feel this spirit of negativity within you? And I know I was being willful because I did fuss about wasting calories on such lousy food, and blame my wrong selection of food on the restaurant rather on my own bad luck! I think I felt guiltier in this circumstance (even though the food was undeniably non-Japanese and pretty substandard) because there was this young Asian couple sitting beside us. And since the moment we sat down, I heard the guy raving about the food on his table, but we ended up doing the exact opposite. Well, one could argue that he probably wasn't Japanese nor was he a frequent taster of Jap cuisine, and it was his ignorance that deluded him into thinking that the food was great. But I certainly hope we didn't wreck their mood or foil his chances of starting something with that girl (I mean for all you know he could have brought her to this restaurant hoping to impress her!). However, it did come across me that I was being a bad ambassador for Christ. Not that he was tuning in to our conversation all the while he was on a date with this girl, but the table was definitely near enough for them to listen in to what we're saying to each other. Signz, I lost the chance to demonstrate my maturity in this situation...

Anyway, I prayed about it and have sought God for forgiveness. Conviction doesn't come easily but with diligent prayer. There are bound to be hits and misses as I adapt to my new lifestyle here in NYC. I certainly hope that I eventually will relinquish that whiny nature but I know it's going to be hard because humans tend to make comparisons and zoom in on the negatives. I won't be human if I don't have such tendencies yah?  However, I do know that God has the power to transform me. Not into someone who thinks the world is a patch of roses and perpetually sees things through rose-tinted lenses, but someone who is an objective observer and assessor of things. I hope I won't miss out on opportunities to show Christ-likeness in similar situations, especially when these are opportunities to glorify the name of the Lord. 

Woah, my posting's almost as long as a sermon. Time to halt now. I've got a whole day ahead!

Every blessing You pour out

I turn back to praise

When the darkness closes in, Lord

Still I will say...

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be Your glorious name.

Legal alien in New York on F1-status

It's been almost 3 days since I've been here in NYC and I'm slowly adjusting. When I thought I was doing fine however, I came to see some of the streets of NYC. Yesterday, we toured the Village area on foot and later on Chinatown, and were kinda repelled by the smell and sight of the streets. The subway was kinda filthy, as compared to Singapore's MRT of course. I'm sure it has improved over the years, but it certainly has a lot more room for improvement! I guess I'll have to lower my expectations of cleanliness in the city and make peace with the air conditions here. No wonder they sell toilet seat covers in this part of the world! Unfortunately, these are not available in all public places. But I must say, some of the toilets are pretty clean. Haha, American Standard I guess...

Ok, nasty stuff aside, there were some cool sights and sounds (and smells? Not really). There were lots of eateries and nice colonial buildings. Remnants of Dutch, English and German cultures were evident in the Village area. I was really amazed by the diversity of cultures all co-located in one place. There were rows of Japanese and Italian eateries. And cafes were all over the place, very much like our Holland-V, Alfresco style in Singapore. The guide, Arthur, who brought us around the area, was an elderly gentlemen in his seventies. He was really fit and energetic for his age. And his knowledge of the area was remarkable. His memory was so excellent; I doubt he'll ever be at risk for Alzheimer's! He furnished his introductions with song by breaking out into a little tune once in a while, in an abrupt but natural and entertaining fashion. 

Anyway, I think I'll take a while to get used to NYC. I really wanna love this place cos' I'll be residing here for the next few years! By God's grace, I just happened to begin reading the Book of Daniel for my QT, and had found so much wisdom that is really relevant to me right now. Isn't it amazing that the bible is still relevant today after so many eons?! Daniel first described his adjustment to Babylon when he was sent there as part of a program to get the elite crop from Israel to serve the Babylonian Empire. In Babylon, Daniel had to learn all about the new culture. Nonetheless, while doing so, he chose to maintain his steadfast allegiance to God, and God grant Him skills and wisdom. It is important to clarify that God does not oppose culture, but He certainly is displeased by cultural practices that go against His Word. Wise-old Daniel was able to learn what was necessary in the new place without compromising God's laws. 

So what are the keys for Daniel's success? How can Christians survive in a foreign culture? And what am I going to attempt to do? Here are my strategies (as cited in my most valued Life Application Study Bible):

1. Learn about the culture--be open!

2. Strive for excellence in my work--and hopefully achieve success!

3. Serve the people around me and those in a church.

4. Pray diligently for God's help and intervention.

5. Maintain my integrity--this is vital.

I'm really looking forward to Chapter 2 of Daniel and Chapter 3, the one with the miracle of the burning furnace where they all come out alive and the son of man is seen in it!

Ciao! 

The Irresistible Allure of the City

Wow, the weather here is a lot warmer than I thought. It is still summer and I kinda regret not bringing more summer clothes. Anyways, I've given my blog a new facelift. Thought it was only befitting of the huge move. So thoughtful me decided to include some new gadgets on my blog: 2 clocks indicating NYC time and Sing time, as well as a weather forecast widget to keep everyone informed about the weather in NYC...:)

NYC does seem fascinating--the sights and sounds. I am quite far from the action though. My apartment is situated on 3XXX Broadway, located near 123rd street Upper Manhattan. The action is further down between 42nd and 47th Street where Times Square is. But I terribly near Teachers College or TC where Columbia University is. Hee, I can get to school in an 8-min walk. Saves me a lot on transport fees! 

The excitement of moving to NYC was actually transitory. The irresistible allure faded away and then came frustration when it was time to lug my terribly heavy baggages to the apartment and when I had to go out, buy stuff, and lug them back on foot. There were also feelings of anxiety about living with strangers, not being able to move comfortably around the house as before, walking in the streets (with some occasional precarious situations with people getting upset with each other), and having to settle so many administrative procedures and stuff like getting a new phone line and opening up a new bank account. Yucks! 

On the bright side, I wasn't going through this alone. The lonely sunflower isn't that lonely after all! But the confidence attached to a line I articulated to my traveling companion earlier on was indeed waning. I said this: "Stepping out of your comfort zone enlarges your zone". This obviously made sense but it definitely did not reveal the mental strength to be wielded in such an endeavor. In such circumstances, I find myself having to go back to God to seek His mercy and grace, that He will make the transition less painful, effortful and distressing. 

One who can't bring himself to step out will miss out on opportunities to enjoy greater things I guess. The current toil makes me wonder why I decided to make the step in the first place. Nonetheless, I have to gather my courage for now and believe that I'll adapt and enjoy that comfort I used to take for granted once again. Here are some pix of my new room! My landlord painted a fresh coat of apple green paint for the walls. 

View when you look into the room: window, fridge, desk, TV, DVD player, etc.

Opposite view: book shelf, bed, bedside table (hidden) closet with mirror, etc.

Cabinets with drawers for clothes and stuff. Notice board and calendar.

Inside the closet where I keep my jackets, shirts, and luggage.

And yes, the self-assembled fan that looks as though it would collapse anytime.

Note to my mum who may be worried by the picture of the tilting fan: It seems more steady than it looks. 

A Parting Note...

Nope, "The Lonely Sunflower" ain't gonna close down (if you happen to be kinda worried by the title above). She's just going to be uprooted and replanted in a cooler and greener pasture where new opportunities abound. It's a difficult move but it's a necessary step for greater things to happen for the sunflower that has grown so accustomed to the warmth she's surrounded by amongst her beloved family and friends both new and old. It's time for her to enliven and adorn a brand new environment with her bright yellow petals!

For those of you who didn't know. I'll be moving to New York City this Wed. I recall that five years back when I first visited NYC, it was love at first sight! But I did reckon that I didn't want to be living there long-term because the city is generally overcrowded and densely populated, and I didn't appreciate the hustle and bustle that came along with it. Who would have thought yah? My fourth visit would be a protracted 5-year period (at the very least)!

The reality just struck me yesterday when I visited my old house off Ewart Park. I was driving solo in my Chevy with a CD of Zhang Dong Liang crooning some sappy mandopop songs playing in my car stereo system. The atmosphere was intensified by the light drizzle and grey skies. I was cruising down Holland Road, when I decided on the spur of the moment to pop by the place for a final visit before I leave. The sights along the way were so familiar to me; it seemed as though I had never uprooted from that location. But as I reached the house, I realized that the gate had been repainted from black to brown, the fences had been given a fresh coat of paint, and the plants in the garden had been removed. The sight sparked a feeling of affection mixed with a tinge of detachment. At this time, the mood was really accentuated by the schmaltzy tune playing in the background. 

I felt a sense of loss and thought to myself whether things would change by the time I came back--that may be 5 years later, 8 years later, or even a decade later. Would my old house still be around? Would my parents still be living at the Hillside? Would my friends remember me? Would our bonds withstand the length of time and the absence of physical contact? By then Orchard Road would have experienced a facelift and the two IRs would be up and running. The now-youths in DR would have all grown up and some would be dating, some would be working, some would be studying in uni, and (I pray) many would be serving the Lord and shining for Him in their respective places in life. 

As for me, hopefully I'd be accomplished. Married? Yep, hopefully. Perhaps serving in some church in Manhattan...a CD recording? I was also reminded of the fact that if I do eventually get to start a family in the next few years in the States, this move to NYC would represent an even more major transition in my life where I leave my parents' nest and strike my own independence. Oh, this thought just kills me! I don't wanna grow up so soon. I like living with mummy and daddy. I want them to remain young forever. I want me to remain young forever!

Goodbye Singapore! Though I lament my life over here from time-to-time and criticize the way certain things are done here and how the culture kinda disappoints me occasionally, it is still my home. Nope, this is not some National Day message although it seems appropriate for the occasion. It's just a parting note to something that has been familiar and close to me for the past 25 years of my life (my birthday's not here yet so please give me a one-year allowance yah!). In Psychology 101, we learn about the phenomenon of "Imprinting". Accordingly, studies involving goslings had previously shown how they form an attachment to the first moving stimulus (usually the mother goose) that they set their eyes on during a critical period after they are born. This is how most of us learn who our parents are when we are babies. Similarly, just as how I've formed a bond with my parents because I recognized them and followed them since birth, I've grown to acknowledge Singapore as something important to me. I will miss the familiarity I have to it--the sights and sounds, the food and places, the peculiarities and uniqueness. Goodbye Orchard Road, goodbye Bukit Batok, goodbye ba chor mee....

The next time I blog it would be "Hello, New York!" I hope I'll like it. It will make the move an easier one. But for now, it's "So long, farewell,  auf Wiedersehen, adieu!" 

Lead me to the cross

Beautiful song, though melancholic-sounding

"Rid me of myself...I belong to You"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdq9Q8wJdjc

Macro policy paired with micro perspectives

Got into a short conversation with my mum this morning over the recent hoo-ha by stay-home mothers in the Straits Times. Was considering whether I should attempt to submit a letter to the forum but am kinda lazy to write in proper structured sentences so I shall just air my views here in my humble blog to satisfy my need to express my thoughts. Furthermore, I needn't worry about people sending responses that disagree with me to the forum--haha, such a need for self-validation! 

So here's the point of contention. The recently-announced Baby Bonus does not include stay-home mums. This entails that Singaporean mums who resign from the workplace to take care of their children and household matters are not entitled to Baby Bonus from the Singapore government. Obviously, some will cry foul to that. Who's to say that they don't work equally hard as their working counterparts? Some stay-home mums have wrote in to share their side of the story--their intentions, their struggles and how they have to cope with these.

Talking to my mum about this matter resurrected stories of past events that were unknown to me. She shared how she had to face similar working-mum struggles when I was born. When my elder sister was born, she could leave her with my grandma. But that wasn't the case for me. It was only later on when she found a suitable nanny to take care of me that things got better. She related a stressful 3-month period she had to survive: Going to work, picking up the kids after work, cooking dinner, cleaning up, washing nappies (no pampers then---I'm that old!), putting us to bed, and then finally getting to rest. And even when domestic help was available later on when we hired a maid, my mum had to save her leave days so that she could be a stay-home mum while my maid was allowed some leave to go home to the Philippines. And that wasn't easy either. If you are wondering where my dad is, he had to work late most of the time. Both of my parents had to work because they had to pay housing loans and other stuff. 

Wow, I really applaud my mum. And of course, my dad. He worked hard too. But hearing all the difficulties mums have to face (here in Singapore and I presume elsewhere) makes me wonder whether the government can do more (won't want to question whether they are doing enough). Sure, the baby bonus sounds like a huge incentive for couples to do their part to contribute to the population growth of this nation. We need more babies to "replace" the baby boomers so we give people rewards (or minimize their financial burdens) so that they will pro-create. It's all about national policy. Nothing wrong really... To me, it just sounds sounds so strategic and goal-oriented, almost lacking an empathy.

My thought is that Singaporean parents don't just need a good sum of money and a certain number of leave days to care for their kids. They need support all the way. I believe that Singaporean parents are responsible parents that want quality and well-rounded care and education for their kids. That's why mothers are willing to forgo their careers to stay at home. But others have no choice but to work because they need dual-income to maintain the household. Parents may worry about whether they can be "good parents", whether they can send them for enrichment classes like ballet, swimming, foundation courses, and all sorts. The competitive nature of our society has given birth to a generation of parents who wants to provide the best for their kids. This really tires them out and drains them of their finances. Their desire to provide proper upbringing for their children should also be considered as a form of contribution to nation-building. Ultimately, we wouldn't want to have a generation of latch-key kids that end up becoming ill-bred juvenile delinquents because they don't get quality parenting. These expectations whether self-imposed or imposed by society need to be managed. Parents don't just need Baby Bonuses and extra leave days, they need to know how to be good parents without overdoing it and neglecting their own psychological well-being. I believe many parents simply sell themselves to their work and kids and forget about their own respite and even marriage.

I'm happy that the government seems to be gathering feedback about factors that are holding parents back from pro-creating. This allows them an avenue to share their struggles and hopefully their needs can be met by the government, NGOs, community services, and religious groups. My take is that macro policies should be paired with micro perspectives, with the latter revolving around the needs of different groups of people in society. Having a compassionate leadership that seeks to empathize (and of course, also to extend some form of practical help) is important. I'm sure new mums go through a lot of dilemmas (e.g., "Should I have my second child right after my first one so that I can continue my career after that?", "But will having two children, one after the other, be too tough to manage?"), and they require a lot of support. Workplace policies need to work in tandem with government policies. A supportive culture should be fostered in society. 

The last straw...

You must be thinking that this gal is on a roll. Fancy posting so many blog entries in the span of this week. Well, I guess I would say I'm inspired or rather I've been mulling over many many deep issues these days. Actually, let me correct that. I ponder over deep issues all the time but these days my emotions have just been running. It is after all the time of the month (Whoa! that's way too much info, yah!). You know, they say that people are the most creative when emotions run high. Perhaps that's the reason why I used to become especially sharp about the tiniest of details whenever I got into a lovers spat. Think Beethoven who composed and Van Gogh who created exceptional art pieces in their melancholic states. At the other end of the spectrum, research has also demonstrated a positive relationship between subjective well-being (or simply happiness) and creativity. 

The other reason? Guess it's probably because my days in Singapore are numbered and I've been meeting up with friends and chatting about issues that are more than surface-level. Enjoying some fellowship has made me spiritually charged as well. So I just feel so motivated to blog. 

So what is the motivation behind the current entry? "The last straw"? Is it some secret code or something? Some inspirational, illustrative tale about drinking straws? Well, not exactly. Though I'm sure some of you will certainly catch it straightaway. On the other hand, those people whom I believe will know what I'm referring to may not tune in to my humble blog (Shame on you! :)) Ok 'nuff said. I'm just going in circles and confusing you. According to thefreedictionary.com, the last straw is "the last in a series of unpleasant events which finally makes you feel that you cannot continue to accept a bad situation". It comes from an Arabic story, where a camel was loaded with straw until a single straw placed on the rest of the load broke its back. So I'm now facing my last straw in relation to something (technically, I had faced it and moved on already but there were somethings that remained undone). 

I'm a man on a mission tomorrow (when I say "man", it really means "woman" k? "Man on a mission" just sounds more catchy!). I've faced my last straw and I'm going to act on it. That means speaking face-to-face with someone. And that's really hard. Have you been in a situation like that? Where you know you need to let someone know something and you know it's definitely not what the other party wants to hear? It really takes a lot of courage and a lot of effort on my part because I'm definitely not one who likes to break the bad news or be the "bad guy". In fact, I failed my mission last week. I was not prepared and I set myself up for failure (subconsciously I guess cos' I really didn't want to be in that position at that point in time). How I wish I could choose the easy way out and not do it. But I have to. I have resolved to do so. I have promised myself and I really hope that you will pray for me that I will do it with God's wisdom. Though I'm pretty sure some of you won't read this in time. How I wish I could just blog it and leave it aside. But some things still need to work the old-fashioned way. Face-to-face communication is simply necessary to eradicate all ambiguity and miscomms. Besides, people can just choose not to read or ignore what you send them, be it an sms or an email, needless-to-say, a blog entry. 

Anyway, a stream of possible scripts has been flooding my mind. Obviously, if you were in a situation you would be thinking of how you want to breach the topic, or how you are going to conjure smart answers and retorts to quick challenges posed by the other party once you present your case. Well, this is starting to sound like a battle or conflict. I'm not seeking to defeat the person. In fact, I'll experience the victory when I manage to overcome my own reservations and be honest with the person in an objective manner. That's my goal. It seems so distal now cos' I'm still trembling in my pants! But I want to do this! Not only for myself but because of the wavering glimmer of hope that something could spark and be revived. 

I don't know how many of you can identify with what I've just described or part of what I've just described. As I drew inspiration to post this entry, I began to think back on why I even started this blog. Of course, a huge part is written in the column to the right, on how I want to blog about God and my life lessons. But the real trigger then was the dissatisfaction of keeping everything bottled up inside me about a "last straw" I was experiencing at that stage of my life. I felt so repressed and the only way was to release it out. And what better way than to keep a public diary that you secretly wished for that someone, whom you want to convey all those repressed feelings to, whom you hope could understand all that you are going through, to read? I'm sure some of you know what I'm saying or empathize with me to a disturbingly large extent, don't ya? :)

Well, I think as most of you in your rational minds would expect, things didn't work out as I subconsciously planned. In fact, it got worse. I guess when you post only one side of the story online, and don't give the other party a chance to explain him or herself, the other party's going to get really mad and upset. It puts the person in bad light. Maybe that's why bloggers are getting into spats nowadays. So those of you thinking of using or are using this tactic, it won't work to your advantage!! Looking back I feel quite stupid about it. I can't even bear to look back at my first few blog entries. It's rather embarrassing...(for those interested to know, please feel free to check them out :))

So tomorrow I'm going to do what I set out to do. I'll be praying about it but ultimately I know I've got nothing to lose. Well, maybe a little pride lost or some discomfort or awkwardness felt. If it's got to be done, so be it... I keep thinking about Ezekiel lately cos' I've been reading the book of Ezekiel. He was God's chosen prophet to extend the last warning of repentance to the Israelites when they were exiled to Babylon as part of their punishment for engaging in idolatry and other sinful practices. God warned him of the crowd he was going to speak to--a people whose hearts have hardened and grown cold. But nevertheless, God commissioned him to speak to them and prophesy to them, and even provided him the means to seem convincing in his message (it's real interesting how God worked, go check it out if you're interested). I'm not so presumptuous as to say that I'm an Ezekiel. But if it's indeed in God's will for me to do so then I guess things will work out or even if it doesn't, at least I would have responded based on my final straw and made my stand clear. I'm definitely not a martyr cos' I'm usually the yes-man who doesn't speak against the flow. Perhaps I just paying my dues now and I don't wanna have regrets at the end of the day. 

Feeling repressed? (Sound like a Depression advert :)) Have things you want to say to someone and you know it could potentially turn things around or improve things? If that's you then maybe it's time to consider whether you should or not. And if you believe in God, pray about it. Amen.