Back to New York

I am now at Gate B11 in Toronto’s Pearson Airport, feeling robbed of my sense of control. My plan to purchase Tim Horton’s donuts has been wrecked by the US Immigrations Office. A mere glass wall segregates me from that one-time opportunity to experience a taste of heaven on earth (I love donuts!!!). Darn, an out-of-body déjà vu experience that pricks deep into my chest! Last year, I had similar plans to try out Krispe Crème at the airport in Hong Kong before I boarded the plane back to Singapore. I never found the outlet (though I had info from a friend that there was a branch at the airport). This time, my grand plan to buy a whole box of Tim Horton’s donuts home is ruined because the counter is located within the domestic (i.e., Canadian) flights area at Terminal 3 (and I made a prior check to make sure that it is within the terminal I’ll be in)! Oh well…there goes my plan to try the Boston Cream and new Blueberry flavor donuts!

A sense of ambivalence is flooding my mind: relief because the conference is finally over and normality will resume; dread because I simply don’t look forward to the work ahead of me.

This trip has been a great one. Bonding with friends and eating good food (lotsa bubble tea, long-anticipated fresh sashimi, Teppanyaki and Indian food!!!) were the highlights I guess. Seeing the Dead Sea scrolls at the Royal Ontario Museum (and taking weird, quirky pictures with dinosaur bones) and going up CN Tower were secondary highlights.

The most ridiculous and “please-get-me-out-of-here” moment was being stuck in a tiny American Airlines plane lying on the tarmac for a whole 2.5 hours because of a thunderstorm and suffering anxiety from waiting for my unlocked hand luggage that contained my lab-top at the luggage belt (Pearson Airport policy does not allow their ground staff to remove cargo when there is lightning striking—even though it was sunny).

The second most outrageous event of this trip (a close contender of the first one) was the awful banquet food that we paid $30 for at a restaurant near Chinatown! The suan la tang literally comprised hot sauce and water, and the shrimp made me nauseous.

The most memorable thing: going clubbing with Stanley Sue!

What I loved about Canada: beautiful architecture, good food, and cleanliness (relative to US cos’ people from Ottawa were amused when I said Toronto was clean).

The best thing of this trip: incessant laughter with friends and maybe the seminar on “How do dogs think?” by Steve Coren from UBC. Watch out, Chewie! I’m gonna read your mind.

Okay, going to get something to bite before I board the plane. Toodles….!

Rejections, rejections, rejections...

How do you bounce back from rejection after rejection? (If you are looking forward to a great answer, I have none; if you are hoping to find out where to seek the answer, perhaps I may have some direction)

Number of PhD applications rejected:

15 (2008) + 2 (2009)

Number of times my manuscript has been rejected:

2 by two journals

Number of times people rejected participating in my study at the supermarket:

countless...

Rejections are part and parcel of life. This is something I probably learnt of recently. It is definitely not something that I was used to. But now it seems to be "a common home-cooked meal" (jia chang bian fan) to me. Not garnering some kind of sympathy here, just trying to share my newfound realization that things do not always seem so rosy. It is especially hard when everything has been going smoothly in your life and when you are confronted by a rejection, it is a huge one.

Certainly I have faced rejections before. My first one probably in secondary school when I felt socially rejected and lonely. But I looked ahead and somehow I bounced back. I guess I adapted. I was able to navigate the interpersonal world without having to deal with tricky BFF relationships and cliquish loyalties--because I never had either. This is of my greatest regrets, especially when I view people's FB photos and "How well do you know XX" surveys. God is great. Despite this, He has placed people in my life to let me know that I would always be able to obtain support when I need it.

At this juncture, I can loudly proclaim that I'm stepping into a rejection-laden path. This is not catastrophizing, nor is this exaggeration. The career I have decided to embark on is one in which rejections are commonplace and expected. Journal manuscripts and conference abstracts are bound to be rejected, and people are bound to reject participating in my studies. The first time I conducted the supermarket study and the first time my manuscript was rejected I was really upset, but now I'm able to take it all in and not allow myself feel bad about these things. I have moved on and adapted.

Jesus dealt with the most severe forms of rejection--by the ones He came to save, by those He loved most dearly, by His own people in His hometown. The rejections we face are incomparable to the persecution He suffered and the pain that resulted. Perhaps it helps to reflect on this in our times of rejection and find peace in the fact that God will never reject us--not our prayers, our cries, our weaknesses, etc. He accepts us entirely, even if we are the most incorrigible of all sinners.

Now when I face rejections I stop dwelling on the negative emotions that arise; instead, I think of how I can work on reducing my rejection rates. Not sure if that's the best solution. But it definitely helps!