Today was a long but fulfilling day! Started out the day with Staff Meeting...was a little nerve-wrecking cos' I was doing Staff Sharing--was sharing on Warcraft (for the benefit of those who don't know...warcraft is a computer game that kids are so into nowadays) to a group of adults. It was a topic I chose on my own. I left my boss clueless at the meeting--my CEP going to go down liao...:p Anyways survived that, so no complaints but huge relief!!

Then later on at lunch went to play badminton with colleagues...an ex-colleague came back to play with us. It was fun cos' I've finally managed to muster the moves to hit the shuttlecock when it comes (with good coaching from my colleague)!! It was real fun. We played in pairs several sets against other pairs (8 of us). Got some workout and bak chor mee after that!

After that we had research meeting...that was okay. Highlight I guess was learning new terminology on sexual offending and deviances (forensic psych)...was quite enlightening. Later on I went for dinner with my cousin at Holland V at this Mexican restaurant. Was pretty nice and affordable. The food seemed pretty authentic. They even have a bar and mexican desserts. We had great fellowship as we shared about God. It was really encouraging. Following that we went to visit my Aunt at the hospital.

Tomorrow's another day--another gift from God. Going for a conference at Changi General Hospital. Then later in the night going to Little India with Ps. Heidi. Life's good and praise God for that. Got loads of work to do, but not complaining cos' God's been so generous and gracious to me. Gotta keep serving Him cheerfully.

Whoa, looking back at my blog entries...I think I find myself rather long-winded. Oh no, hope I don't become one of those naggy old wives. Anyway, I think I need to be more efficient with my work. Don't seem to be very productive when I'm in the office--don't get much stuff done.

Won't write too much here, just wanted to make an entry tonight cos' my internet's finally stable and working well (I hope).

1 Peter: 13Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."

Message below was to be posted on 19/7/06 (got d/c-ed so had to save it)

Great loud "Hi" to those who read my blog
(esp my mum who is missing home badly),

Had a great dinner today (sushi, sashimi, cockles and loads of fruits)!! Been eating great stuff for dinner with my dad (we eat out nowadays), since mum's not around to cook--maybe mum should spend a longer time in UK so that dad and I can eat out everyday (Just Kiddin' Mummy ;p).

Anyway, these past two days have been good. On Tuesday, I emceed for a seminar organised by my division. I fumbled quite a bit, but everyone, including the speakers from the States, was so encouraging and had only nice things to say about me. Think I can't be complacent; I should put in more effort into reading and practising the script beforehand next time (that's if there is...and I think there would be).

Yesterday, we had a workshop which went into the details covered in the seminar. I really learnt a lot. In fact, I find the interrogation (or rather interviewing...must be careful to qualify that no coercion should be employed) tactics used against terrorists to be very interesting. It involves a lot on the psychology of persuasion and influence. Tea breaks and lunch was superb (same for the seminar on Tue)...getting fat from all the snacking...:(

After the workshop I went, with one of my colleagues, to the new Civil Service Club at Bukit Batok (beside West mall) to swim. It was very nice!!! They have the slides, wave pool, stream, and jacuzzi like those at the Jurong Swimming Complex. My colleague's a member so she signed me in and I just had to pay one dollar to get in. It felt great relaxing after a light day of work (we were dismissed rather early too!). The facilities are quite good, plus it's near my place. Dunno whether should join as a member.

Today, I went for a course on Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (MBCT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)*. Learnt a lot a lot! Would really love to study CBT next time. Can't wait to go back to school to do Clin Psych. Thinking of US or Canada even. But Canada is really too cold for me. If I could go California, then that's the best. Would really hope to apply all the skills I've learnt so far. In fact, tomorrow I'm going to take my first counselling case!! I'm probably going to be more anxious than my counsellee.

*MBCT and ACT focus a lot on self-awareness, as well as the concept of acceptance. Instead of fighting our intrusive thoughts as one would normally do, it advocates letting them come (being aware of them) and letting them go (i.e. accepting that such thoughts exist and letting them sit in your mind until they drift away like a leave in a stream). It is important to note that clients should not ruminate or exaggerate these thoughts though. It's rooted in many world religions--we can't control many things in life and we need to decenter from these thoughts.

Ok gotta get some work done now...till next time...;)

p.s. miss you too, MUMMY! Send my regards to Sis n Andrew ;)

For the Love of God!
by Ps. Heidi who misses her United States Airforce Boyfriend, Merritt...;P

Our relationship with God is much like BGRs
1. Stage One: Emotional, excited --> When you realise what God gave!
2. Stage Two: Close friends --> When you really get to know God!
3. Stage Three: Marriage --> Obedience comes out of a choice to love God.
4. Stage Four: Intimate Bond --> Partnership in furthering His kingdom on earth.

Avoid illegitimate relationships!
1. One-night Stand
- "My relationship with God doesn't have to affect my life."
2. Two-Timing Christian
- Put on a mask for God and another for others.
3. Casual-dating
- The relationship is just as deep as their emotions at the moment.

Marriage = SYNERGY
It involves strengthening each other (// two people standing back-to-back so that they can give back to society). It must be worked at. Relationships are never easy, just like our relationship with God. It takes commitment and trust. It takes discipline and effort.

Finally got the chance to blog. Been quite a while cos' my internet connection had not been steady, and I've been so tied up with so many other things--work, friends, church, home, etc.

This week had been rather fruitful. Attended a two-day suicide intervention workshop. That was timely for me because I am scheduled to man the helpline this month (when I got wind of this I was like "omigosh, I'm so NOT prepared!!! What happens if someone says he/she wants to end his life, I'll be at my wits end!"). The course was very helpful. It provided a very structured method of applying suicide first aid--now I'm all-prepared and raring to go (not that I hope that anyone I know or come into contact with is suicidal). During the course, we also discussed how "suicide" is such a taboo topic in our culture; people just feel uncomfortable with the idea od suicide, be it suicidal thoughts or suicide in the family. Many have the view that asking someone if he/she has suicidal thoughts is a "no-no", because it inserts such thoughts into that person's mind if he/she didn't have those thoughts initially. The course instructors think otherwise. Instead it opens the door to talk about the person's problems and pre-empt any attempt if there were intentions to die. Moreover, it indicates to the person that you are comfortable talking about suicide, and in the event that they do have such thoughts, they would know that you are the one person they can approach.

Met my pal for dinner on friday night. It was great catching up on work and on life. But kinda got him into trouble with his girlfriend (if you get what I mean). Anyway, speaking to him really made me even more aware of certain things in relationships. The things he mentioned about his girlfriend made me amused cos' they sounded so familiar to me--the stances, the guessing games, the "braveness", etc. I was "guilty" of many things he shared, and I could feel his frustration. I found myself empathising with him (or rather guys in general). It was quite an enlightening conversation we had (though I already was aware of the many things he shared...think it was more of a self-reflection and reminder for me). It made me think of how I could be a better partner next time, and not frustrate my partner so much. And I think it's important to remember that all relationships should involve God. With Him, everything can be worked out.

Being older now, I also find myself now being able to know how NOT to get myself into the emotional web by NOT asking too much. Sometimes, girls just tend to demand honesty without realizing that they can't handle it all the time. Girls may also "act brave" although they are squirming and going crazy inside their heads. That manifests in distancing and in some circumstances hostility, becoming more withdrawn (protective defensive mechanism). Guys need to realise that girls cannot handle the truth all the time; girls need to understand that guys cannot mind-read. Guys often feel that girls get angry or upset for no reason; girls frequently deem guys to be insensitive. Guys sometimes think that girls are inconsiderate (sometimes may be an understatement :p): they rattle on non-stop; they talk about themselves; they interrupt; and they always rely on the guy to make decisions (hehe..the "so-now-how" syndrome, I quote from someone). Quarrels make girls very insecure, especially when they happen often.

When I reflect on everything, I realise that there are many things I want to improve in my approach to relationships: (1) establish a supportive social network*; (2) involve my partner in other aspects of my life (like outtings with my friends, family, colleagues, etc.); (3) do more God-centred activities together; (4) learn to give each other more space; (5) empathise with my partner and be considerate to his feelings; (6) be honest and acknowledge that I'm not perfect all the time; and (7) resist the urge to pull of any stance or play any guessing games. Know that these are not achieved so easily, but believe that God can make a way.

* This simple poem my friend smsed me when I was down in the dumps. It touched my heart tremendously and moved me to tears:

One day, Love and Friendship met.
Love asked Friendship,
"Why do you exist when I already exist?"
Friendship replied,
"To put a smile where you leave tears."

Saturday was a mad rush for me:
-Church in the morning for youth leaders meeting. It was great cos' we were reminded of our purpose and goals in the youth ministry (being Christians in general). I felt re-charged and motivated to run that race again. Just been tasked to run the ushering ministry. I've always wanted to be the chief usher, finally get the chance to! This ministry is going to be very crucial for the youth group to grow. I really hope to work through things to make DR a much friendlier place to be in. Hopefully our ushers can communicate acceptance to the youths through the way we interact with the newcomers as well as the regulars. Need to work on that asap. It's going to be amazing!
- Met my friend at Beach Road--had Ah Balling!!! That was shiok. We went to a volunteering orientation talk for this organization called Amazing Kidz. Didn't work out for me cos' this org generally provides support services in terms of information sharing for parents with Brain Injured (BI) kids. And the info was mostly to do with alternative therapies. I've nothing against them but somehow feel uncomfortable with them--something to do with my psychology training I guess. Anyway, thing that is off the table. Looking at other volunteering opportunities (e.g. befrienders) and courses for now (like cooking, singing, etc.). Really hope to serve God through that.
- Then I went to my uncle's wake. He passed away of throat cancer I think. Not very close to my relatives on my maternal side but I think it's getting better. His son, my cousin, works in SPF also, so there were things to talk about at the wake. It was a Buddhist wake. And I guess I'm reminded of the Great Commission that there are many people that we need to reach out to.
-After that, I went home and on the way home I quarrelled with my dad. I left the engine on in the car, but I was sitting on the seat beside the driver's seat. He said that it was protocol that I shouldn't leave the engine on like that cos' he came into the car and turned the key again. He got quite mad and told me off. I didn't like the way he was so harsh, and I showed a little attitude (I admitted that I was wrong later on and apologised) in not really sounding convincing that I was wrong (if you get what I mean). Anyway, later on it escalated into me breaking down and saying something in my heart that I felt for sometime now--I really hoped that he'll be less critical and harsh all the time. Actually, I also hope and pray (been praying for some time) that he will also be willing to admit that he isn't right all the time at some point or another.
-Well, that resulted in me being a little late cos' I had to cool down before I went to meet my friends. Met up with my colleagues to play tennis at one of their condos (the condo next to mine). Was fun, my colleague also invited her boyfriend--the only one who could play decently (he was really good in fact) among all of us. Hehe...we were shooting balls all over the place, and hitting the net so often. Nonetheless it was fun and I got my workout! Really wanna master tennis...been thinking about it for so long. Need to find a coach who charges cheaply though. FOC luggy best!
-After that few of us went to Al Ameen for supper. Whoa, the naans were super nice. It was so shiok just indulging in comfort food. After that we went for some drinks (I ate a whole load of mixed nuts-one of my weaknesses I guess) and later on headed back to the condo to catch the match between Germany and Portugal. By then I couldn't tahan--practically slept throughout the match, only caught two goals and final results. Headed home at five plus.

Sunday was a tiring day too:
- woke up at nine plus and did the laundry (tons of them) and wiped the kitchen floor. Managed to read the papers as well. Still got one whole stack in my room not read.
- Went to church at 12 plus. It was great seeing new faces--some of my youths brought their friends. I enjoyed the service today just spending intimate time with God.
- Sermon was great. Ps. Heidi shared on her relationship with her boyfriend in the US Airforce, and how it human relationships parallel that of God and man. It was a great sermon. It also reminded me how important it was to find a strong partner in Christ, so that we can strengthen each other to bless others. That really meant a lot to me. Would like to go in depth into the sermon, but not here.
- Finally went home to get rest. Think I won't survive world cup tonight. see how it goes.

Okay shall stop here...too long already.

Haven't visted my blog in a long while. Been real busy. Mum finally left for UK to join Jan last Saturday. Starting to miss her presence cos' she plays such a crucial role in this household! Of course that's apart from the fact that I do miss her because I love her and she's so important to me! This period while she is gone is going to be a huge challenge. Before she left, I was really looking forward to behave all "grown-up" and undertake huge responsibilities that most grown-up women do like work and manage the household at the same time. I also had grand ideas of cooking and like bringing my dad out to catch some movies or something like that. But now I feel SO SO tired!! Working is so tiring for me already (had a major event last week and tons of other stuff at work to do this week), how to come home and cook and wash clothes and clean house??!! Really admire those wonder women who can handle all these. Now, I think I may have to make alterations to my grand plans. In fact I was even thinking of organising house-warmings, but I think I'll wait till mum comes home and we're more settled in our new home.

Attended a vocal workshop yesterday and today. Pastor got a teacher from Malaysia to conduct it for us. She was the voice coach for Malaysian Idol!! I really love her voice which is so solid yet so crystal-clear and soothing. It's beautiful! And she really has the annointing of the Lord. Praise God that there are talented people in His kingdom willing and able to serve Him! Learnt a lot over these past two days. Still, I have reservations to much we can practise what was being taught. I'm thinking of the long-term sustainability of the measures that she taught that we could apply in our own rehearsals. Quite tedious some of the prep work for worship. But anyway, we can always take small steps to progress and not make gargantuan steps straightaway. It was also nice talking to the more mature Christians during the workshop. Really enjoyed the fellowship. And the lunch today by Elsie was marvellous. Her sandwiches were top-notch, the pasta was refreshing and the pumpkin soup was yummy!!

Reflections:
1. Still in a disequilibrium - can't handle many 'adult' things on my own. Feel as though I need to grow up and be matured and be capable of doing many things, but I feel inadequate.

2. Lost the feeling of leading worship - seems so effortful recently to choose songs and plan for them. It feels so clockwork sometimes onstage though I really desire to worship Him.

Need loads of prayer to help me deal with these issues.

3. Office makes me happy. Though I got lots of work to do, I enjoy some of the things that I get to do and I love the people at office! It's fun and vibrant. This has been perking me up.

4. Getting back on track with my running this week. Want to keep on it and do more fun sports and exercises with other people. Going for the Real Run in Aug. Running makes me happy too!

I want to experience the joy of the Lord so much.
"The Joy of the Lord Is Your Strength" (Nehemiah 8:10)