Ha, when you thought you have cleared and survived all the storms of adolescence and all the decision-making you had to go through about which college to go to and which major to get into, you'll realize that simplicity is actually a myth and complication enjoys an exponential relationship with what we term "life". I'm twenty-five now (and soon to be 26), and supposing I do get to celebrate my centennial birthday, I'm probably experiencing what pop-psychology and marketing "gurus" (many are just quacks and charlatans, don't be fooled haha) would dub a "quarter-life crisis". Not that I deem myself to be in some form of crisis now. Rather I would more aptly describe the experience as an uncertainty. Most of it seems exciting now, but there's that tinge of apprehension that puts me on the edge of my seat. In the volatile and rapidly shifting era we live in, nothing's predictable and all that is secure is the unchanging nature of God's care and protection on His people.
I'm almost nearing the end of the book of Esther in my daily devotions (and I just got to know someone called Esther from Korea, who is a pastor's daughter--how cool is that?!), and though the book never explicitly talks about God per se, it is brimming with the presence of God's divine intervention. What's the relevance to my topic? Well, just let me put things this way... sometimes we do things or are prompted to do stuff which don't seem to mean anything now or benefit us in anyway, but later on or even years later, we look back and we finally see how our earlier actions had helped us reach somewhere or serve a larger purpose. That was how God worked in Esther's life. She was crowned the queen of Persia for a reason that was probably beyond her comprehension at that point of time. But later on, everything unfolded and the true meaning behind that was revealed for the glory of God.
I like the book of Esther. It contains so much hope in it. It helps me cope with the feeling of not knowing where or what my current activities and actions will lead to. Humans are creatures that need to know everything. We love to create orderliness in our everyday realities, and to be able to predict and control what comes our way. But the world doesn't function like that, and God doesn't operate in this manner. I'd like to think of Him like a puppet-master, shaping the way things work in our environment, and we, His beloved puppets doing his bidding (in a positive way of course). At times, we'll be like a Pinocchio, allowed some freedom to do whatever we please (and perhaps tell a little lie once in a while--white lies, of course, because we are nice people ;)). But God is creative and sometimes the plot of our lives are tumultuous and unpredictable so that the ending we savor is a dramatic sweetness.
After talking so much, I still don't know where I am heading and whether what I'm doing now will enable me to fulfill my dreams and meet my goals. Haha, perhaps my goals aren't even God's and He's not leading me to them! He seems to be pulling me in some directions, and yet sometimes doubt creeps in and tells me that it's too difficult or it's impossible. Fortunately, I've given up wondering whether what I hope for will eventuate. Now it's simply being all ears for His instructions in my everyday life (small acts and big decisions alike) and submitting to them obediently. At the same time, praying for His will and not my will be done. I'm taking mini-steps to a greater goal and seizing opportunities that show themselves along the way, because I'll never comprehend what they mean to me and Him till the day when things unfold just as how they did for Esther.
One beautiful song we sang tonight at "The Gate" - youth and young adults service at Times Square Church - and a song that we sang at jamming before. I really wanted to embed the video but an error message indicated that I don't have some MIME plugin--can someone tell me what that means? Haha thanks! Enjoy...
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