Finally got the chance to blog. Been quite a while cos' my internet connection had not been steady, and I've been so tied up with so many other things--work, friends, church, home, etc.

This week had been rather fruitful. Attended a two-day suicide intervention workshop. That was timely for me because I am scheduled to man the helpline this month (when I got wind of this I was like "omigosh, I'm so NOT prepared!!! What happens if someone says he/she wants to end his life, I'll be at my wits end!"). The course was very helpful. It provided a very structured method of applying suicide first aid--now I'm all-prepared and raring to go (not that I hope that anyone I know or come into contact with is suicidal). During the course, we also discussed how "suicide" is such a taboo topic in our culture; people just feel uncomfortable with the idea od suicide, be it suicidal thoughts or suicide in the family. Many have the view that asking someone if he/she has suicidal thoughts is a "no-no", because it inserts such thoughts into that person's mind if he/she didn't have those thoughts initially. The course instructors think otherwise. Instead it opens the door to talk about the person's problems and pre-empt any attempt if there were intentions to die. Moreover, it indicates to the person that you are comfortable talking about suicide, and in the event that they do have such thoughts, they would know that you are the one person they can approach.

Met my pal for dinner on friday night. It was great catching up on work and on life. But kinda got him into trouble with his girlfriend (if you get what I mean). Anyway, speaking to him really made me even more aware of certain things in relationships. The things he mentioned about his girlfriend made me amused cos' they sounded so familiar to me--the stances, the guessing games, the "braveness", etc. I was "guilty" of many things he shared, and I could feel his frustration. I found myself empathising with him (or rather guys in general). It was quite an enlightening conversation we had (though I already was aware of the many things he shared...think it was more of a self-reflection and reminder for me). It made me think of how I could be a better partner next time, and not frustrate my partner so much. And I think it's important to remember that all relationships should involve God. With Him, everything can be worked out.

Being older now, I also find myself now being able to know how NOT to get myself into the emotional web by NOT asking too much. Sometimes, girls just tend to demand honesty without realizing that they can't handle it all the time. Girls may also "act brave" although they are squirming and going crazy inside their heads. That manifests in distancing and in some circumstances hostility, becoming more withdrawn (protective defensive mechanism). Guys need to realise that girls cannot handle the truth all the time; girls need to understand that guys cannot mind-read. Guys often feel that girls get angry or upset for no reason; girls frequently deem guys to be insensitive. Guys sometimes think that girls are inconsiderate (sometimes may be an understatement :p): they rattle on non-stop; they talk about themselves; they interrupt; and they always rely on the guy to make decisions (hehe..the "so-now-how" syndrome, I quote from someone). Quarrels make girls very insecure, especially when they happen often.

When I reflect on everything, I realise that there are many things I want to improve in my approach to relationships: (1) establish a supportive social network*; (2) involve my partner in other aspects of my life (like outtings with my friends, family, colleagues, etc.); (3) do more God-centred activities together; (4) learn to give each other more space; (5) empathise with my partner and be considerate to his feelings; (6) be honest and acknowledge that I'm not perfect all the time; and (7) resist the urge to pull of any stance or play any guessing games. Know that these are not achieved so easily, but believe that God can make a way.

* This simple poem my friend smsed me when I was down in the dumps. It touched my heart tremendously and moved me to tears:

One day, Love and Friendship met.
Love asked Friendship,
"Why do you exist when I already exist?"
Friendship replied,
"To put a smile where you leave tears."

Saturday was a mad rush for me:
-Church in the morning for youth leaders meeting. It was great cos' we were reminded of our purpose and goals in the youth ministry (being Christians in general). I felt re-charged and motivated to run that race again. Just been tasked to run the ushering ministry. I've always wanted to be the chief usher, finally get the chance to! This ministry is going to be very crucial for the youth group to grow. I really hope to work through things to make DR a much friendlier place to be in. Hopefully our ushers can communicate acceptance to the youths through the way we interact with the newcomers as well as the regulars. Need to work on that asap. It's going to be amazing!
- Met my friend at Beach Road--had Ah Balling!!! That was shiok. We went to a volunteering orientation talk for this organization called Amazing Kidz. Didn't work out for me cos' this org generally provides support services in terms of information sharing for parents with Brain Injured (BI) kids. And the info was mostly to do with alternative therapies. I've nothing against them but somehow feel uncomfortable with them--something to do with my psychology training I guess. Anyway, thing that is off the table. Looking at other volunteering opportunities (e.g. befrienders) and courses for now (like cooking, singing, etc.). Really hope to serve God through that.
- Then I went to my uncle's wake. He passed away of throat cancer I think. Not very close to my relatives on my maternal side but I think it's getting better. His son, my cousin, works in SPF also, so there were things to talk about at the wake. It was a Buddhist wake. And I guess I'm reminded of the Great Commission that there are many people that we need to reach out to.
-After that, I went home and on the way home I quarrelled with my dad. I left the engine on in the car, but I was sitting on the seat beside the driver's seat. He said that it was protocol that I shouldn't leave the engine on like that cos' he came into the car and turned the key again. He got quite mad and told me off. I didn't like the way he was so harsh, and I showed a little attitude (I admitted that I was wrong later on and apologised) in not really sounding convincing that I was wrong (if you get what I mean). Anyway, later on it escalated into me breaking down and saying something in my heart that I felt for sometime now--I really hoped that he'll be less critical and harsh all the time. Actually, I also hope and pray (been praying for some time) that he will also be willing to admit that he isn't right all the time at some point or another.
-Well, that resulted in me being a little late cos' I had to cool down before I went to meet my friends. Met up with my colleagues to play tennis at one of their condos (the condo next to mine). Was fun, my colleague also invited her boyfriend--the only one who could play decently (he was really good in fact) among all of us. Hehe...we were shooting balls all over the place, and hitting the net so often. Nonetheless it was fun and I got my workout! Really wanna master tennis...been thinking about it for so long. Need to find a coach who charges cheaply though. FOC luggy best!
-After that few of us went to Al Ameen for supper. Whoa, the naans were super nice. It was so shiok just indulging in comfort food. After that we went for some drinks (I ate a whole load of mixed nuts-one of my weaknesses I guess) and later on headed back to the condo to catch the match between Germany and Portugal. By then I couldn't tahan--practically slept throughout the match, only caught two goals and final results. Headed home at five plus.

Sunday was a tiring day too:
- woke up at nine plus and did the laundry (tons of them) and wiped the kitchen floor. Managed to read the papers as well. Still got one whole stack in my room not read.
- Went to church at 12 plus. It was great seeing new faces--some of my youths brought their friends. I enjoyed the service today just spending intimate time with God.
- Sermon was great. Ps. Heidi shared on her relationship with her boyfriend in the US Airforce, and how it human relationships parallel that of God and man. It was a great sermon. It also reminded me how important it was to find a strong partner in Christ, so that we can strengthen each other to bless others. That really meant a lot to me. Would like to go in depth into the sermon, but not here.
- Finally went home to get rest. Think I won't survive world cup tonight. see how it goes.

Okay shall stop here...too long already.