Little did I know that I would revert to my Singaporean ways here. It was quick and instinctive. You must be wondering what I'm referring to. Well, just to give you a blatant hint, I almost wanted to entitle this posting "Forgive me for whining; I am but only human!"
It seems insanely human but ironic that I whine about Singapore and sing praises about the US when I am back home in the humidity and unbearable heat, and yet when I move to the US, my vision narrows only to zero in on the efficiencies and good of Singapore and the flaws and not-so-ideal of NYC. "The grass is always greener on the other side" does seem to have a hold on me.
Well, it was a gradual reconciliation process I had with my whining ways since I touched down in New York. At the start, zeal and gratitude saturated my mind. It took a huge turn on Sunday night. That was the first night since we came that we stayed out later than usual. We were heading back toward campus at around 9 p.m. after a play at Central Park, and decided to get something to eat before we went back to our respective apartments. Trust me, walking in the streets of NYC at night is an eye-opener for the typical Singaporean (which I am, of course). Once in a while, we heard the blasts of a siren belonging to either a police car, ambulance or fire engine. Most of what we saw that night were mainly ambulances I think. Along the journey, there were people loitering around, homeless people lying outside churches, a few people from a certain group standing at the corner of streets...it was kinda creepy. There are many people in NYC that towered over us in terms of height, and outweighed us in terms of width, u' know. Thank God we made it home safe and sound--if not I won't be blogging now right?
It just isn't as safe here as it is in Singapore, I guess. Some of the people in the streets LOOK pretty dangerous, and it gets especially scary when they walk by you or ask you for donations. It's also especially chilling when you hear people near you raising their voices as though anytime soon a brawl would break out (believe me, this has happened a few times in the daytime since I came). Haha but anyway just to assure you, Columbia area is pretty alright. Security within and outside of campus is kinda tight. In fact, a survey by U Penn revealed that it is actually the safest CITY campus in the country. We heard this during a talk by the public safety department during orientation. They presented all their safety precautions and measures, but also sent the message that we are responsible for own personal welfare and safety. Apparently, one in four women in college are victims of attempted rape or rape itself. Such a scary statistic!
Okay, more serious whining came on Monday when I had to return the fan that finally collapsed on me. Fine. It wasn't as safe as it looked. On Saturday morning it fell and made a loud thump just as I was preparing to go out. But it wasn't my fixing that was lousy, it was a defect in the make of the fan. Oh well, I decided to bring it back to the store to negotiate for a return or exchange (as most Americans would frequently do--heard it is in their culture to return things within 7 days). The store was located between 105th and 106th Street, and my apartment is somewhere near 120-something. Walking close to 20 streets down Broadway is no laughing matter if you are carrying a standing fan (in a box, of course) and your back has been aching for the past few days! Anyway, I did it. I walked down Broadway in a leisurely pace to create less pressure on my lower back. When I got to the store, the storeowner graciously allowed me to exchange for a new fan (heh, after a little wheedling). Unfortunately, there weren't many to choose from. So I ended up picking a smaller one (which I found a little too tiny) and having to pay an additional 10 USD for it. Sighz. That was the best option for me then. Anyway, by God's grace, everything paid off. I didn't have to assemble the fan on my own, and it is now working very well in my room. Phew! However, I felt disgusted by myself when I finally reached my apartment with the fan in my hands. The whole time I was walking back, I was complaining profusely in my mind and throwing myself a little pity party...
Haha the next big party came soon later though. Guess whiny me had inadequate conviction. We stopped by this seemingly Jap eatery for dinner yesterday on our way back from getting our cell phones done (got a new number from AT&T!) I guess we were deceived by the outward appearances of the restaurant. We assumed they served authentic Jap food of a certain standard. However, when the sushi came, we gained new revelation. Never be fooled by the looks of a restaurant! The seaweed in the sushi was tough, the raw salmon in it wasn't as fresh as it should be, and the rolls were out of shape. The Udon came in a huge bowl with tempura prawns (or rather battered HALF-prawns--they were sliced into 2!) and tempura broccoli(?). I had an enormous portion of rice in my donburi. The rice was nice, just that it wasn't Japanese! It was good CHINESE rice. And the tempura on the rice had sticky, starchy and salty stuff stuck to it (it didn't taste bad but it just wasn't mainstream tempura!). And did I mention that the large mushroom in the bowl of udon had a huge stem attached to it? This should've been removed!
There I go again. Whine, whine, whine. I mean, I could say I was critiquing the food. But I knew in my mind I was complaining. You know how sometimes you just feel this spirit of negativity within you? And I know I was being willful because I did fuss about wasting calories on such lousy food, and blame my wrong selection of food on the restaurant rather on my own bad luck! I think I felt guiltier in this circumstance (even though the food was undeniably non-Japanese and pretty substandard) because there was this young Asian couple sitting beside us. And since the moment we sat down, I heard the guy raving about the food on his table, but we ended up doing the exact opposite. Well, one could argue that he probably wasn't Japanese nor was he a frequent taster of Jap cuisine, and it was his ignorance that deluded him into thinking that the food was great. But I certainly hope we didn't wreck their mood or foil his chances of starting something with that girl (I mean for all you know he could have brought her to this restaurant hoping to impress her!). However, it did come across me that I was being a bad ambassador for Christ. Not that he was tuning in to our conversation all the while he was on a date with this girl, but the table was definitely near enough for them to listen in to what we're saying to each other. Signz, I lost the chance to demonstrate my maturity in this situation...
Anyway, I prayed about it and have sought God for forgiveness. Conviction doesn't come easily but with diligent prayer. There are bound to be hits and misses as I adapt to my new lifestyle here in NYC. I certainly hope that I eventually will relinquish that whiny nature but I know it's going to be hard because humans tend to make comparisons and zoom in on the negatives. I won't be human if I don't have such tendencies yah? However, I do know that God has the power to transform me. Not into someone who thinks the world is a patch of roses and perpetually sees things through rose-tinted lenses, but someone who is an objective observer and assessor of things. I hope I won't miss out on opportunities to show Christ-likeness in similar situations, especially when these are opportunities to glorify the name of the Lord.
Woah, my posting's almost as long as a sermon. Time to halt now. I've got a whole day ahead!
Every blessing You pour out
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name.
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