Finally brought some closure to that emotional roller-coaster ride. Definitely stronger and more emotionally-resilient than before. Experienced a spiritual growth spurt and matured as a person. Grateful to God and His "little" helper...:)

For the past two weeks, I've been focusing my mind on my job and my friends. Finally decided to act on bringing some proper closure last night. Did it with a little anxiety but I was determined to settle it once and for all.

Felt a little down after that. I guess I moved from the immediate phase of detachment and subsequently proactive phase of tackling the problem head-on, to this lastest and current phase of griefing. Not that I'm very upset, but just feel a new void.

Somehow, I'm experiencing a state of ambivalence. On one hand I feel a loss--beautiful memories and enjoyable times, on the other hand I'm looking forward to developing other aspects of my life like my friendships and work.

But I suppose I feel the sadness now cos' the loss is immediate, while the gains are to be experienced in the future. I need to look past the present and focus on the future for now. The feeling of loss is going to be transient. I just have to fix my eyes on God now.

I'm also very thankful and glad that I won't be nasty, mean and annoying to him anymore. I don't want to be a horrible person, or at least feel like a horrible or lousy person. It'll probably take some time for my esteem to heal. Putting my faith on God.

Thank God that I have friends and family that I can turn to. I'm not alone. God has been very merciful and gracious to me. He didn't give me something too difficult to bear. He made it easy and gradual. I love these people so much.

Finally, I'm glad that I didn't make an enemy. God gave me a gift 6+ years ago--a wonderful friend and companion--that never gave up on me even though I hurt him greatly. It's because of this person that I'm seeing hope in having another new friend in someone else.

Praise God!