Psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

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Felt great stepping into main service today, though I was still feeling sick, and my car was parked much further away than usual cos' I couldn't find a parking lot. When the music began, I just felt the joy of the Lord engulf me--something I haven't felt in a while (skipped main service the week before cos' I was throwing a tantrum with God, and last week I came into main sleep-deprived because I slept at 5 a.m. the night before setting up this Blog--to be fair I did come home at 3 a.m. cos' of night shift for GE manning of the PPSD cell). Anyway, all my anxiety and uncertainty just dissipated in the presence of God, and His peace just descended upon me--again something that I haven't felt in a while. I knew for the past weeks I've been finding convenient excuses to try and skip services. Kept contemplating whether I should or should not go. This is dangerous cos' going to church on Sundays and spending time in worship and fellowship are crucial to spiritual wellbeing. Somehow, I was trying to starve myself from spiritual nourishment.

In the past few months, I found myself in similar dilemmas, rationalizing about skipping services on a few occasions. Started feeling burnt-out having to attend two services every Sunday--my whole Sunday is practically burnt at church! Main at 9.30 a.m. and youth at 1.30 p.m., with the latter lasting till 4-5ish. I know I can't totally attribute my absence in church to work, although I had conferences, attachments, and stuff that took place over the weekends. The critical point is, none of those programmes actually ate into service time. I could always make it at least for youth service if I mustered the energy and motivation to--which I knew I could. So the truth is I was probably using these as convenient excuses to skip church--though I could argue that I did need the rest, but at the bottom of my heart I believe if I did summon the discipline to go to church, God would have provided me with sufficient strength to last throughout the day, and recuperation for the next day when I went to work.

There were times that I did drag my feet and turned up in church. And God rewarded me greatly. I would go to service feeling so tired, but somehow he would always move so powerfully through the service, and I would feel recharged. His joy would sweep over me, and at those moments I would feel this huge sense of gratitude towards Him for helping me make the correct decision of turning up in church. He never failed me, and today He didn't again although I didn't really want to show up in church cos' I was still feeling ill. However, the moment the band played the first song, I experienced Him like before. He never let me down. I sang each song, each chorus, verse, stanza, with gusto and sincerity from my heart. Every message conveyed in every song was reaffirming of His love and His promises. It was awesome. It was so comforting cos' I was feeling so empty this past week, so broken and depressed. It's amazing how God works to tear down my resistance, and how He always reinforces me when I do soften my heart and make my way to service.

I love the Lord, and I wouldn't trade Him for anything else cos' He's faithful and His steadfast love will never cease. Even if things don't work out the way I like them to be, I know He has something greater in store for me. God's will will always be the best for me. The worshipleader refered to Psalm 121 in the midst of praise and worship today. I love this Psalm, esp verse three which says that He will not let me slip and He'll never slumber in keeping watch over me. Whenever I look up to Him for help and direction, in times of sadness and sorrow, He'll always send help. This is such a wonderful promise!

~lene

[Written on May 14, 2230hrs]