Took time-off to go home early today. Was ‘chided’ for not taking MC for two days instead of one by quite a few people. Well, I deserved it, cos' on hindsight, I was kinda silly. Thought I could be productive at work today, but I guess my body just ain’t ready yet. Anyway, sent out two important emails and managed to talk to my boss about the project I’m doing. Sounds huge and nebulous, but it would be exciting to see the impact of my work, and how it can make a difference to people’s life. Oh yah, just in case you are clueless, I’m talking about the project on dealing with mentally-disordered offenders. Decided to take a bus home instead, thinking that it would be faster than taking a train. However, it took just as long cos’ of the road traffic conditions. Lunch time ain’t too hot a time to travel. Oh well, at least the duration was equivalent to that of the train ride, plus I got to sit down (thank God, cos’ my bag was pretty heavy today).

The bus drove past a few of the better secondary schools in Singapore—one of them being mine. As I saw the familiar white uniform (and of course those two familiar Chinese words embroidered in red), a sense of thankfulness and contentment warmed in my heart. As I reflected on my life and what God has done along the way to prepare me for where I am now, I just couldn’t help thinking that I have simply no grounds to complain about my current life. Many people do complain about their lives, about stress, about their bosses, about work, about husbands, about children, about their dog, their cat, about General Elections 2006, and I really don’t know if they really have a basis for being so discontented, or they just have overly high expectations. Whatever it is I just have this pet peeve about complainers. It gets on my nerves, especially so when the complainer wallows in self-pity and grumbles as if she were victimised by the entire world—as if the whole world owed her something. My apologies for using “she”/”her”, cos’ it seems more apparent to me that more females indulge in complaining sessions. Feel a little sheepish for my gender.

Last week, I read a verse from the bible that reminded me of “contentment”—highlighted it in my bible. “But godliness with contentment is great gain” (taken from 1 Tim 6:6). Though the context in the bible was more to do with financial gain, but I guess this principle can be extrapolated to other aspects of life like fame and prestige. “Contentment” seems so easy to understand, yet so difficult to practise, especially so for me because I’m such a perfectionist. Still am now, but I’m glad I’m not as perfectionistic as I used to be. At least now I just do my best and leave it up to God. I don’t fret over it once it’s done (though I still push myself a little to the edge in the process of getting things done). And perhaps people who know me will say that I really got nothing to complain about—everything seems to be going well in my life. Oh well, I can only say it’s by God’s grace. And I just pray that I won’t turn into the complainer that I hate in others, especially when the going gets tough. I want to be the “tough” that gets going, and I want to stride on without whining over my plight.

~lene

[Written on 11 May 2006, 19:08hrs]