WHY BLOG?

This was something I used to wonder about. It amazed me how young people that can be so lazy to do their essays and take forever to check and reply emails, can actually be so dilligent in posting entries on their blog every single day. Well, I do know that for some it deteriorates over time into once per week, then per month, then subsequently...

The psychology of blogging is fascinating. Though I haven't read any scientific literature on it, I do have a few thoughts about this phenomenon. Intuitively, I always knew why young people are so glued to writing blogs, but I somehow had the feeling that it was a rather foolish thing to do--to exhibit your innermost thoughts for the whole world to view.

I suppose they are looking for an outlet to ventilate their feelings. In a way, send messages to people whom they know might read their blog, instead of telling them face-to-face. Electronic media has been argued to drive people further apart in a way that people have a way out of interacting with someone else personally. We can just SMS someone, scolding that person without having to tell him or her directly in the face that "you stink!"

It's a portal to express what you feel without having to face the music directly. Then can it be argued it's for cowards? I wouldn't want to go into a debate on that. But at least for myself I'm perfectly aware of my reasons for blogging. This idea came to me few weeks back on polling day during the general elections. Nope, that's not where I got my inspiration from--not the podcasts or political debates on blogs. In fact, I actually wanted to start a blog earlier on to post stuff on being a Christian in a paramilitary setting like the police force.

Anyway during our polling day duty, one of my colleagues asked us whether we kept blogs. I suppose because there was so much hype about bloggers and political satires (Mr Brown and Mr Miyagi's podcast on Bak Chor Mee is hillarious!) that's why this question was posed. My colleague shared about how he and his girlfriend communicated over their blog about things they felt. It could be about work, about the relationship, anything. Of course it isn't a substitute for their normal conversations, but it served as an extra channel to share things that were troubling them.

On polling day, I was feeling down and hearing that, I just felt inspired to blog. Thought it was a novel way of coping that I've never tried so perhaps give it a shot. So that night I went back at 3 a.m. plus, but got started on my blog and slept at 5 a.m. I didn't post any entry that night cos' I accidentally deleted my posting. Anyway, got started with the name of my blog and set up my profile and stuff. Next day, I went to church feeling quite sleepy. Well, guess that was irresponsible on my part. Should always get enough rest the night before service.

After starting to blog, I realise how palliative it could be. It felt nice jotting down stuff cos' it allowed me to reflect and sort out my thoughts. I presume a part of me (as well as those writing blogs I believe) just hopes that somewhere out there there'll be someone (whom I probably wouldn't know of) who will read my blog and empathise with me, or experience the same things I go through. As I blogged, I felt a sense of relief, of getting things off my chest. I'm not the kind that goes to someone else with my problem. Quite an introvert though externally I seem pretty extraverted.

Another hypothesis I have regarding my reason for blogging is that it serves as a platform for portraying my ideal or ought self--what I want to see myself as when I read my own blog. I like those thoughts I've shared. A little part of me also hopes that someone out there will find these thoughts inspiring because I've chosen to reveal my fragile human nature in these writings. And though I'm weak and very human, I display a courage to aim towards being a good Christian in a secular world.

Many times I feel that I can help others but I can't help myself--that I'm at a lost when it comes to tidying up my own feelings. So I think I'm using the Blog as a "external party" to counsel myself. I'm writing what I would counsel others in a similar plight I guess. Makes sense?

~lene

[Written on 21 May, 1800hrs]